Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
AWESOME FIND TODAY
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, suggests that people who have more self-compassion lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. Plus, the feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable.
Science of Happiness Research
Science of Happiness Research
5/28/13
One way to build up your savoring skill and boost your mood is to engage in techniques that distract you from your worries and help you avoid overthinking.
40% of your happiness is within your control!
40% of your happiness is within your control!
Release the Past.
"At some point you have to stop looking at the past, accept it for what it was, not is, but was and trust that whatever happened did so to enrich your life in some way, to bring you and only you lessons that could not be taught any other way. I understand there may be a lot of pain and hurt in your past, I get that I truly do but you can no longer be a victim to what has happened to you. Find the strength to release it and learn from it. This may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in life but when you have done it nothing will be able to hold you back from the future that is awaiting you, and here’s the thing you could never have the future that is awaiting you without having the past that you have had. They are intrinsically bound together. Without one there would not be the other. It is the Ying to the Yang. Make peace with it because when you do you will find peace within yourself."
The best remedy for mind trickery and self-sabotage is greater awareness of the issue. We need to learn so much more about how the mind works and why. We need to explore our psychological attachment to negativity so we can recognize it and let go.
To enjoy a more positive, successful and self-disciplined life, we need to learn how we fool ourselves into getting the opposite of what we want.
To enjoy a more positive, successful and self-disciplined life, we need to learn how we fool ourselves into getting the opposite of what we want.
Monday, May 27, 2013
letting go
Just. Let. Go.
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."
~Hermann Hesse
Awe, man, you mean I can't control everything with a death grip? Oh, yeah... I'm not in control of everything. I've been really learning this one lately... in both my professional and personal life. And you know what? I've been really enjoying the comfort and peace of surrender. Of not holding on so tightly. Of leaning into divine faith. Don't get me wrong... it totally freaks me out, but I'm seeing how much this "holding on" is actually hurting me and holding me back. So, how 'bout you? Any place where letting go would be true strength for you?
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."
~Hermann Hesse
Awe, man, you mean I can't control everything with a death grip? Oh, yeah... I'm not in control of everything. I've been really learning this one lately... in both my professional and personal life. And you know what? I've been really enjoying the comfort and peace of surrender. Of not holding on so tightly. Of leaning into divine faith. Don't get me wrong... it totally freaks me out, but I'm seeing how much this "holding on" is actually hurting me and holding me back. So, how 'bout you? Any place where letting go would be true strength for you?
Sunday, May 26, 2013
When Your Inner Critic Stifles Your Creativity: 4 Helpful Truths
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick
We live in an artistically enriched country. The world is already full of all kinds of music, so much art, and so many books. With the Internet, you can experience art’s many forms at the click of a mouse.
In my heart, I am an artist. Ever since I was a young girl, I have loved creating artwork. Writing stories, drawing illustrations, playing the piano, painting, sculpting…
The unfortunate thing is that I am paralyzed—not in the medical sense. I have working limbs, imagination, training, experience, and the resources to “actualize my potential” as an artist. The thing I lack is confidence.
I am crippled by my own self-doubt.
When I was young, I didn’t seem to care about what other people thought. But the older I get, the more apprehensive I become. My fear of failure is greater than my fear of never creating anything ever again.
All artists, to some extent, have a very tough self-standard. The fear of falling short of your expectations can easily prevent you to create, particularly if you lack confidence.
Each time I see a beautiful painting, hear a moving song, come face to face with a realistic sculpture, or read an inspiring autobiography, I become immobilized. Instead of being stimulated by what I see, I get discouraged, and I am way less likely to create anything on my own. “The world doesn’t need anything else,” I think, “because it already has those.”
“What do I have to offer to the world? Why would anyone want to hear my voice? What original, unique art can I possibly create that doesn’t already exist? I might as well give up…”
I think this negativity comes from the bad habit of listening to my “inner critic” instead of focusing on “reality.”
If I let the pessimistic thoughts of my inner critic control my life, then I would never become the artist I want to be. My inner critic loves to put down my individuality and threaten me with failure. I’ve come to the conclusion that my inner critic doesn’t want me to succeed.
With that powerful information, each time I am tempted to belittle my individuality, I remember these four encouraging truths:
1. I am me, and there is no one else who is me. No one else can create what I can create.
2. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Having courage is taking action in spite of being afraid.
3. Your imperfections are part of who you are and part of what makes you beautiful. Be proud of being you, even with all your flaws and failures.
4. If you fail, so what! If you create art for the world, you will never be satisfied. Create art for yourself.
I often repeat these things to myself when I am doubtful, when my inner critic is running the show and ruining my life.
Becoming an individual artist can be very scary, especially if you have been paralyzed by fear for a long time. It’s comfortable to go along with the flow, to conform to the culture, and to continue on in the old ruts in road.
However, there is extraordinary life beyond the paved road. There is a giant wood, a great green meadow, an infinite horizon, and countless things to explore. If you always live your life according to the norm, then you will be missing out.
Life changing advice: You don’t have to believe what your inner critic tells you.
Do you have the strength to swim against the flow, to be an individual, to create your own art? Maybe not right this moment, you think, but there is something you can do to help yourself out. You can retrain your thoughts and learn to control your inner critic to allow reality have a rightful place in your life.
If I am experiencing an artist’s block, when I realize my inner critic has taken control, I take out a piece of paper and make two columns.
One reads “inner critic,” and the other reads “reality.” Underneath each header, I make lists (kind of like a pros and cons sheet), distinguishing one thought from the other.
One way to help determine which category to put your thoughts in is to listen to the tone of the thought’s voice (how you talk to yourself). If the tone is anxious, nervous, babbling, stereotypical, and offers you no way out, then it is your “inner critic.” If the tone is optimistic, unemotional, constructive, and practical then it is “realistic.”
Below is an example of a recent list I made while having trouble finishing a painting:
Inner Critic
You can’t do it; you are a “nobody.”
What if you make a mistake? No one will like you if you produce bad art.
You will never be famous. You’re ugly and fat; ugly and fat people cannot produce good art.
Artists are irresponsible. The world hates artists.
Reality
I have artistic talent.
Sometimes I let perfect get in the way of good.
Most days I enjoy creating art.
I am loved no matter what I do, even if I am not perfect.
No else can be me; therefore, no one else can create what I can create.
This mental exercise will take practice, but over time, you will begin to see positive results in your life and your creativity.
At first, it will be difficult to distinguish your self-critic from reality, especially if you have obeyed your fears for a long time. If you try it, I guarantee that you will begin to enjoy a more nourishing, creatively enriched life in the process.
I have been utilizing this practice for a while now. After the first few months, I didn’t have to make physical lists anymore; I could separate the thoughts in my head. Even though, I am still a long way off from where I want to be, I am a lot closer to my goal than I was before.
What are some of your hurdles as an apprehensive artist? How do you overcome your obstacles?
We live in an artistically enriched country. The world is already full of all kinds of music, so much art, and so many books. With the Internet, you can experience art’s many forms at the click of a mouse.
In my heart, I am an artist. Ever since I was a young girl, I have loved creating artwork. Writing stories, drawing illustrations, playing the piano, painting, sculpting…
The unfortunate thing is that I am paralyzed—not in the medical sense. I have working limbs, imagination, training, experience, and the resources to “actualize my potential” as an artist. The thing I lack is confidence.
I am crippled by my own self-doubt.
When I was young, I didn’t seem to care about what other people thought. But the older I get, the more apprehensive I become. My fear of failure is greater than my fear of never creating anything ever again.
All artists, to some extent, have a very tough self-standard. The fear of falling short of your expectations can easily prevent you to create, particularly if you lack confidence.
Each time I see a beautiful painting, hear a moving song, come face to face with a realistic sculpture, or read an inspiring autobiography, I become immobilized. Instead of being stimulated by what I see, I get discouraged, and I am way less likely to create anything on my own. “The world doesn’t need anything else,” I think, “because it already has those.”
“What do I have to offer to the world? Why would anyone want to hear my voice? What original, unique art can I possibly create that doesn’t already exist? I might as well give up…”
I think this negativity comes from the bad habit of listening to my “inner critic” instead of focusing on “reality.”
If I let the pessimistic thoughts of my inner critic control my life, then I would never become the artist I want to be. My inner critic loves to put down my individuality and threaten me with failure. I’ve come to the conclusion that my inner critic doesn’t want me to succeed.
With that powerful information, each time I am tempted to belittle my individuality, I remember these four encouraging truths:
1. I am me, and there is no one else who is me. No one else can create what I can create.
2. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Having courage is taking action in spite of being afraid.
3. Your imperfections are part of who you are and part of what makes you beautiful. Be proud of being you, even with all your flaws and failures.
4. If you fail, so what! If you create art for the world, you will never be satisfied. Create art for yourself.
I often repeat these things to myself when I am doubtful, when my inner critic is running the show and ruining my life.
Becoming an individual artist can be very scary, especially if you have been paralyzed by fear for a long time. It’s comfortable to go along with the flow, to conform to the culture, and to continue on in the old ruts in road.
However, there is extraordinary life beyond the paved road. There is a giant wood, a great green meadow, an infinite horizon, and countless things to explore. If you always live your life according to the norm, then you will be missing out.
Life changing advice: You don’t have to believe what your inner critic tells you.
Do you have the strength to swim against the flow, to be an individual, to create your own art? Maybe not right this moment, you think, but there is something you can do to help yourself out. You can retrain your thoughts and learn to control your inner critic to allow reality have a rightful place in your life.
If I am experiencing an artist’s block, when I realize my inner critic has taken control, I take out a piece of paper and make two columns.
One reads “inner critic,” and the other reads “reality.” Underneath each header, I make lists (kind of like a pros and cons sheet), distinguishing one thought from the other.
One way to help determine which category to put your thoughts in is to listen to the tone of the thought’s voice (how you talk to yourself). If the tone is anxious, nervous, babbling, stereotypical, and offers you no way out, then it is your “inner critic.” If the tone is optimistic, unemotional, constructive, and practical then it is “realistic.”
Below is an example of a recent list I made while having trouble finishing a painting:
Inner Critic
You can’t do it; you are a “nobody.”
What if you make a mistake? No one will like you if you produce bad art.
You will never be famous. You’re ugly and fat; ugly and fat people cannot produce good art.
Artists are irresponsible. The world hates artists.
Reality
I have artistic talent.
Sometimes I let perfect get in the way of good.
Most days I enjoy creating art.
I am loved no matter what I do, even if I am not perfect.
No else can be me; therefore, no one else can create what I can create.
This mental exercise will take practice, but over time, you will begin to see positive results in your life and your creativity.
At first, it will be difficult to distinguish your self-critic from reality, especially if you have obeyed your fears for a long time. If you try it, I guarantee that you will begin to enjoy a more nourishing, creatively enriched life in the process.
I have been utilizing this practice for a while now. After the first few months, I didn’t have to make physical lists anymore; I could separate the thoughts in my head. Even though, I am still a long way off from where I want to be, I am a lot closer to my goal than I was before.
What are some of your hurdles as an apprehensive artist? How do you overcome your obstacles?
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
"Around the world, the history of the human race shows that culturally, we are best adapted to long-term survival, in 'we societies.'" - Thom Hartmann
Watch "We Societies" (4min), here:
http://bit.ly/VJea2x
Watch "We Societies" (4min), here:
http://bit.ly/VJea2x
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
A Powerful Lesson in Self-Compassion: Are You Allergic to Honey?
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~Dalai Lama
When things don’t go as planned, is your go-to explanation that it’s because you did something wrong, or because there’s something wrong with you? For many people, self-compassion is a real challenge.
Most of us want to be kinder to ourselves, but our self-critical, perfectionistic patterns are often well-established, and it’s hard to know how to interrupt them.
When I was in graduate school, I was driving home from school one evening when I noticed that my car was overheating. Just as I arrived in front of my building, the engine stalled completely.
It was 5pm on a Friday, I was blocking the bike lane, and traffic was backed up behind me. Two cars sped past beeping their horns, and then a cyclist turned and waved his fist as he rode around me. I flipped on my hazard lights.
As I dialed Triple A, the self-critical thoughts and stories started to spin:
“Why didn’t I notice earlier that the car was overheating? I should have had it serviced. If I had been more on top of things, this wouldn’t be happening.”
I heard more car horns beeping as the woman at Triple A promised that a tow truck would be there within 30 minutes. After I thanked her and hung up, the self-critical stories resumed:
“I’m in the way; inconveniencing everyone around me. I’m taking up too much space.”
I was startled by a knock at the passenger window. A guy with a goatee and a beanie stood next to my car, and I suspected that he was going to give me a hard time for being double-parked. Reluctantly, I lowered the window.
“Hey,” he said. “I work at the cafe right here—do you want a latte or a chai or something?”
I stared at him, speechless, blinking through the beginnings of tears.
“We’ve also got hot chocolate and tea,” he said.
He actually meant it.
“Oh,” I said. “Wow. Thank you. I’d love some chamomile tea.”
“You got it,” he said and headed back to the cafe.
I sat there, stunned. This experience did not fit into the story my inner critic had been telling. All of my self-criticism had been completely silenced by this stranger’s spontaneous impulse of kindness.
Suddenly none of this was my fault; it was just something that was happening, and I could allow it. All the stories had been just that: stories.
A few moments later he reappeared with the chamomile tea and handed it to me.
“Here you go,” he said.
“Thanks.” I pulled a couple of bills from my wallet.
“Oh, no, don’t worry about it,” he said.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said.
I looked at him and took the tea.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Hey, I’ve been there.”
He tapped the passenger door twice as a goodbye. I put the window back up. The tea was too hot to drink, so I held the paper cup as it warmed my hands.
I let it register some more: This wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t evidence of me having done something wrong. It was just something that was happening, and it could just be that.
And what was so wrong about taking up space, anyway?
I was startled again by another knock. He was back. I lowered the window.
“Hey, are you allergic to honey?” he said.
“Huh? Mmm, no.”
“Oh, good. I put honey in it. I didn’t think to ask if you were allergic. If you are, I can make another one.”
“Oh, no. I love honey. Thank you,” I said.
“No worries, then.” And back to the coffee shop he went.
I smiled and blinked through a few more tears. He had put honey in my tea without me even asking? This baffled my inner critic even more; it had nothing to say.
I thought about how the self-critical stories had flared up as soon as I found myself in a challenging situation, how automatic it was for me to think that the coffee shop guy was there to criticize me, and how immediately the trance of self-judgment was broken by his act of kindness.
In five minutes, he had given me a life-altering lesson in how compassion alchemizes criticism. He had no ulterior motive: he was simply being kind and generous, and he inspired me to be more kind and generous with myself.
If you struggle with self-judgment, tuck this simple phrase into your back pocket.
The next time you notice that critical thoughts are present, experiment with asking your inner judge, “Hey, are you allergic to honey?” It just might help you interrupt those all-to-familiar patterns, and start creating new, self-compassionate ones.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Spiritual vitamin c
The positive effects of the warm colors (infusing your body with spiritual vitamin C
Expressing the red, orange and yellow realms is a part of the universal experience. When we express spirituality, compassion, empathy, oneness, love and creativity it betters and evolves mankind. Collective humanity relies on this expression for survival as much as it relies on the cool color expression.
*But it is also beneficial to your individual health because the warm color expressions like compassion, prayer, meditation, creativity… flip on the relaxation response which counters the negative effects of the flight or fight mechanism.
The relaxation response is the counterpart to the flight or fight response. The relaxation response occurs when the body is no longer in perceived danger, and the autonomic nervous system functioning returns to normal.
During this response, the body moves from a state of physiological arousal, including increased heart rate and blood pressure, slowed digestive functioning, decreased blood flow to the extremities, increased release of hormones like adrenalin and cortisol, and other responses preparing the body to fight or run, to a state of physiological relaxation, where blood pressure, heart rate, digestive functioning and hormonal levels return to their normal state.
Expressing your warm colors balances and counteracts the stress that is triggered when you express your cool colors (work, busy lives, hectic schedules…)
The term spiritual vitamin C is a rainbow framework term that means you are engaging in warm color expressions like meditation, prayer, creative practice, tai chi compassion, oneness, love… Engagement in these activities will turn off your fight or flight response and turn on your relaxation response and infuse your body with spiritual vitamin C.
Turning on your relaxation response = healthy mind and body.
Expressing your warm colors is as important to your health as nutrition and exercise
Visualization: When you feel the surge of cortisol and are stressed. Take a moment to breathe and feel the shift by visualizing the warm colors and your body being infused with spiritual vit. C
Are you taking time to express your warm colors and infuse your body with spiritual vitamin C?
- See more at: http://rainbowframework.com/the-science-behind-the-warm-colors-and-infusing-your-body-with-spiritual-vit-c-relaxation-response/#sthash.7pZJe4s3.dpuf
Expressing the red, orange and yellow realms is a part of the universal experience. When we express spirituality, compassion, empathy, oneness, love and creativity it betters and evolves mankind. Collective humanity relies on this expression for survival as much as it relies on the cool color expression.
*But it is also beneficial to your individual health because the warm color expressions like compassion, prayer, meditation, creativity… flip on the relaxation response which counters the negative effects of the flight or fight mechanism.
The relaxation response is the counterpart to the flight or fight response. The relaxation response occurs when the body is no longer in perceived danger, and the autonomic nervous system functioning returns to normal.
During this response, the body moves from a state of physiological arousal, including increased heart rate and blood pressure, slowed digestive functioning, decreased blood flow to the extremities, increased release of hormones like adrenalin and cortisol, and other responses preparing the body to fight or run, to a state of physiological relaxation, where blood pressure, heart rate, digestive functioning and hormonal levels return to their normal state.
Expressing your warm colors balances and counteracts the stress that is triggered when you express your cool colors (work, busy lives, hectic schedules…)
The term spiritual vitamin C is a rainbow framework term that means you are engaging in warm color expressions like meditation, prayer, creative practice, tai chi compassion, oneness, love… Engagement in these activities will turn off your fight or flight response and turn on your relaxation response and infuse your body with spiritual vitamin C.
Turning on your relaxation response = healthy mind and body.
Expressing your warm colors is as important to your health as nutrition and exercise
Visualization: When you feel the surge of cortisol and are stressed. Take a moment to breathe and feel the shift by visualizing the warm colors and your body being infused with spiritual vit. C
Are you taking time to express your warm colors and infuse your body with spiritual vitamin C?
- See more at: http://rainbowframework.com/the-science-behind-the-warm-colors-and-infusing-your-body-with-spiritual-vit-c-relaxation-response/#sthash.7pZJe4s3.dpuf
Lean into Your Life While You Can
“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.” ~Unknown
I was standing there crying harder than I had ever cried before in my life. I was so emotionally moved that I totally lost control and was even drooling. It’s a good thing I was wearing a surgical mask.
I was witnessing my wife giving birth to our first-born child.
A nurse had to remind me to take pictures when she saw me standing there with a camera in my hand, crying more than a…well, a baby. It was the happiest moment of my life. I felt joy with a touch of relief and a sense of responsibility toward my wife and son.
It was the most intense rush of emotions I had ever experienced, until…
Fast-forward a year minus five days later. I experienced the saddest and most difficult feelings of my life. It was the same intensity of emotions I felt when my son was born, but it was pure sadness, grief, and emptiness I felt.
I was standing in a small room in a different hospital in a different section. A large man opened a freezer door and rolled out a body wrapped in white sheets. He opened the sheets while I stood there in disbelief. A few seconds later, I began crying uncontrollably.
I was looking at my dead father (even writing this sentence hurts).
His nose was a little wrinkled to the side from the pressure of the sheets. I turned around and walked toward the wall weeping uncontrollably. I wanted it to be a bad dream, but it wasn’t.
My cousin embraced me as I cried more. I turned back around and asked the large man to wait, because I wanted to see my father again. I stood there looking at him, hoping silently he would say it was all a huge mistake. I would have forgiven the hospital if that had been the case. But it wasn’t.
Later when we were burying him, he still didn’t wake. I knew it was silly, but I had hope.
A Changed Perspective On Life
These two experiences had a huge impact on me. For one, they triggered the most intense emotions I’ve ever felt. They also gave me a new perspective on life.
Redefined Priorities
Having a son changed my priorities. I resolved to do anything and everything to ensure he has the happiest life possible.
I choose to shower him with unconditional love, protect him from harm until he can fend for himself, teach and guide him so he can navigate his way through life, and open doors for him so he has choices and possibilities.
Most importantly, I savor every moment I have with him. I decided to balance life and work better. Although work is important, it will not come at the expense of people I love. Working 15-hour days no longer makes sense.
Life is Transient; Make it Worthwhile
Losing my father made me realize how transient life is. He was a figure of strength for me when I was a child. I assumed he would always be there. Time passed and now he’s gone.
His death reminded me to live a meaningful life. It reinforced my resolve to savor it. When my time comes, it won’t be the material possessions that I will miss. It will be the people I love and the experiences I had with them.
I choose to go after my dreams rather than just think about them and waiting for the right moment. Whenever I catch myself hesitating, I choose to either get started or drop it and pursue something else. Hesitation is not an option.
I realized that I don’t necessarily have to risk it all and drop everything to pursue my dreams. That might work for some, but I don’t want to subject my family to the hardship of the dip until things work out.
The journey can be longer. The important thing is to keep moving toward it and savoring the trip along the way.
Lean Into Life
I realized we have three choices in how we approach life and life’s events: we can either go with the flow (i.e. lean back), walk away (quit), or make the most of it (lean in).
I decided to lean into life and things I choose to pursue. Instead of just going with the flow, I choose to set course toward something worthwhile to me and fight for it when I face resistance. Something I’m good at (I will get good at it if I wasn’t already). Something that fits my values. Something I love so much that I lose track of time while doing it.
I choose to do things I’m proud of. I choose to read and learn new things that will light my way and fuel my mind.
Choose To Be Happy
I choose to help others even if they don’t ask for it. I choose to take care of myself. I choose to be around people who add to my life and ignore those who don’t. I choose to experiment with new things and constantly evolve my self, my life, and my work. I make time for my hobbies.
I choose to breathe and relax when I’m stressed about something. In good and bad times, I remind myself that “this too shall pass” and focus on what I can control.
Focus On What’s There, Not What’s Missing
I enjoy the moments I have with my son. I watch him every night while he sleeps. I kiss his chubby feet and play with his toes as he giggles. I relish the rare moments when he settles down and sits on my lap. I savor the moments when he wraps his hand around my finger.
I also cherish the good memories I have of my dad. I feel warmth and joy each time I do.
I encourage you to do the same and lean into life. Prioritize what’s important in your life. Pursue and protect your dreams. Nurture your relationships with people who matter to you. Don’t waste energy on what isn’t important. You can start today
I was standing there crying harder than I had ever cried before in my life. I was so emotionally moved that I totally lost control and was even drooling. It’s a good thing I was wearing a surgical mask.
I was witnessing my wife giving birth to our first-born child.
A nurse had to remind me to take pictures when she saw me standing there with a camera in my hand, crying more than a…well, a baby. It was the happiest moment of my life. I felt joy with a touch of relief and a sense of responsibility toward my wife and son.
It was the most intense rush of emotions I had ever experienced, until…
Fast-forward a year minus five days later. I experienced the saddest and most difficult feelings of my life. It was the same intensity of emotions I felt when my son was born, but it was pure sadness, grief, and emptiness I felt.
I was standing in a small room in a different hospital in a different section. A large man opened a freezer door and rolled out a body wrapped in white sheets. He opened the sheets while I stood there in disbelief. A few seconds later, I began crying uncontrollably.
I was looking at my dead father (even writing this sentence hurts).
His nose was a little wrinkled to the side from the pressure of the sheets. I turned around and walked toward the wall weeping uncontrollably. I wanted it to be a bad dream, but it wasn’t.
My cousin embraced me as I cried more. I turned back around and asked the large man to wait, because I wanted to see my father again. I stood there looking at him, hoping silently he would say it was all a huge mistake. I would have forgiven the hospital if that had been the case. But it wasn’t.
Later when we were burying him, he still didn’t wake. I knew it was silly, but I had hope.
A Changed Perspective On Life
These two experiences had a huge impact on me. For one, they triggered the most intense emotions I’ve ever felt. They also gave me a new perspective on life.
Redefined Priorities
Having a son changed my priorities. I resolved to do anything and everything to ensure he has the happiest life possible.
I choose to shower him with unconditional love, protect him from harm until he can fend for himself, teach and guide him so he can navigate his way through life, and open doors for him so he has choices and possibilities.
Most importantly, I savor every moment I have with him. I decided to balance life and work better. Although work is important, it will not come at the expense of people I love. Working 15-hour days no longer makes sense.
Life is Transient; Make it Worthwhile
Losing my father made me realize how transient life is. He was a figure of strength for me when I was a child. I assumed he would always be there. Time passed and now he’s gone.
His death reminded me to live a meaningful life. It reinforced my resolve to savor it. When my time comes, it won’t be the material possessions that I will miss. It will be the people I love and the experiences I had with them.
I choose to go after my dreams rather than just think about them and waiting for the right moment. Whenever I catch myself hesitating, I choose to either get started or drop it and pursue something else. Hesitation is not an option.
I realized that I don’t necessarily have to risk it all and drop everything to pursue my dreams. That might work for some, but I don’t want to subject my family to the hardship of the dip until things work out.
The journey can be longer. The important thing is to keep moving toward it and savoring the trip along the way.
Lean Into Life
I realized we have three choices in how we approach life and life’s events: we can either go with the flow (i.e. lean back), walk away (quit), or make the most of it (lean in).
I decided to lean into life and things I choose to pursue. Instead of just going with the flow, I choose to set course toward something worthwhile to me and fight for it when I face resistance. Something I’m good at (I will get good at it if I wasn’t already). Something that fits my values. Something I love so much that I lose track of time while doing it.
I choose to do things I’m proud of. I choose to read and learn new things that will light my way and fuel my mind.
Choose To Be Happy
I choose to help others even if they don’t ask for it. I choose to take care of myself. I choose to be around people who add to my life and ignore those who don’t. I choose to experiment with new things and constantly evolve my self, my life, and my work. I make time for my hobbies.
I choose to breathe and relax when I’m stressed about something. In good and bad times, I remind myself that “this too shall pass” and focus on what I can control.
Focus On What’s There, Not What’s Missing
I enjoy the moments I have with my son. I watch him every night while he sleeps. I kiss his chubby feet and play with his toes as he giggles. I relish the rare moments when he settles down and sits on my lap. I savor the moments when he wraps his hand around my finger.
I also cherish the good memories I have of my dad. I feel warmth and joy each time I do.
I encourage you to do the same and lean into life. Prioritize what’s important in your life. Pursue and protect your dreams. Nurture your relationships with people who matter to you. Don’t waste energy on what isn’t important. You can start today
Veneers.
"You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
~Walt Disney
If you haven't noticed, oftentimes the quotes I choose to share with you, are lessons I am currently learning myself. This one is no exception. The thing that I've been realizing lately is that sometimes, when life kicks you in the teeth, you're just being set up for a gorgeous, mouth-full of veneers. Veneers that you would have never seen coming. You probably would have never pursued. So, you can stare at your broken teeth in the mirror and feel sorry for yourself, or you can begin dreaming about how you are going to get yourself a beautiful new set of veneers. And I really think we are far more creative about our life's circumstances when we are forced to. When we didn't see that knock-out comin'. When we just have to figure out a new set of pearlies. So, if you're in a rough one, feeling like your teeth just got smashed, how creative can you get? In what ways are you being pushed? Go get those veneers, baby.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
more perfection for me.
For security: Seek self-assurance
Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: "Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?" At the same time you can focus on the thought: "Okay, nothing in this life is certain and I can live with that. And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it." We all need to go with the flow in relationships. What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is.
Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay."
<333 link
Focus on the good
Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what's not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.
Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive.
No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focusing on what is good.
This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you.
Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.
A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways. If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response. However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious.
But possibly not as precious as the knowledge that whatever happens, you can relax because you'll be okay.
Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: "Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?" At the same time you can focus on the thought: "Okay, nothing in this life is certain and I can live with that. And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it." We all need to go with the flow in relationships. What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is.
Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay."
<333 link
Focus on the good
Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what's not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.
Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive.
No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focusing on what is good.
This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you.
Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.
A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways. If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response. However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious.
But possibly not as precious as the knowledge that whatever happens, you can relax because you'll be okay.
Perfect for today.
“We may have all come in different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.
I once had a totally commonplace, uneventful thought that transformed the way I viewed relationships.
I’m not sure that it was mine; it certainly wasn’t anything groundbreaking or unique. I may have read it somewhere, I can’t remember now.
It was the notion that when two people in a relationship think of themselves as on the same team, things get much easier. Positive feelings grow freely. Score-keeping and resentment are nonexistent.
Insights are very personal—a simple phrase that turns my world upside down might do absolutely nothing for you, and vice versa. Perhaps this notion was so life-changing for me because I grew up surrounded by people who seemed self-focused, always looking for where they had been wronged.
They weren’t selfish or egotistical people. They were insecure people.
My father had insecurities that led him to make everything about himself—if you didn’t say the right thing at the right time, trouble was sure to follow. I spent years walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate my next misstep. It was exhausting.
And I remember women who constantly, endlessly talked about what was wrong with the “deadbeat men” who never seemed to treat them the way they deserved to be treated.
As a kid, it seemed as if adults everywhere put everyone else on the hook for their own happiness. In my childhood innocence and natural wisdom I wondered, why they didn’t take care of their own happiness?
Being on the hook for someone else’s happiness not only felt like enormous pressure, it was an impossible task.
No matter how much my dad approved of something I did one day, he might disapprove of the very same thing the next day. No matter how nice a man was to a woman, he’d inevitably forget to compliment her dress and she’d have him back in the doghouse.
All of this look-what-you’re-doing-to-me, you-should-be-treating-me-better business is not born out of independent, empowered women (or men) simply refusing to put up with less than what they deserve. That’s often how they like to view themselves, but that’s not it at all.
Scavenger hunting for all the ways you aren’t being treated fairly is not an act of self-love. It’s an act of insecurity.
It’s born out of fear and looking to someone else to be your savior. It’s born out of the belief that your happiness comes from what others do, which manifests as manipulation, guilt trips, and passive aggressive behavior aimed at changing them so that you can feel better.
“Us” Not “Me”
When you’re focused on yourself, keeping score, and making sure you’re being treated properly, you’re not actually in relationship with another person—you’re in relationship with your thoughts about the other person.
You’re focusing on yourself, what you can get, and where your partner is falling short.
Thinking of the two of you as a team shifts your focus. Suddenly it’s not “me versus you”; it’s “us.”
It’s no longer “I did the laundry every day this week, what did you do?” It’s “We’re a team. I do the laundry more than you at times, and you do a million other things for me at times.”
It’s not “If you cared about me you’d call twice a day”; it’s “I’d love to talk to you more.”
The you-and-me-together way of looking at things is exactly what was missing for all of those disgruntled women complaining about their deadbeat men. The extreme look-out-for-myself-first approach is what made my relationship with my dad defensive and inauthentic.
Teammates
A couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about her marriage when she confessed that she was once a score-keeper. She used to keep a mental tally of what she had done and what her husband hadn’t, and she gave a whole lot of meaning to that score.
When I asked how she came to leave the score keeping behind, she told me that her husband said something one day that completely turned it around for her.
In the midst of one of her score reports, her husband said the reason he never thought that way was because he saw them as a team. She gives more in some ways and he gives more in other ways, but why keep track when they are always working together, in the end?
She instantly knew that was true. He did give more than her in many ways, but her rigid, defensive outlook hadn’t allowed her to even notice what he did for her.
Although insights are personal, she had the same game-changing one I did. She never looked at her relationship in quite the same way again. When she found herself feeling wronged, she remembered that she and her husband were teammates, not adversaries.
Being on the same team takes the frailty out of a relationship. My relationship with my father always felt fragile and temporary, like I was one wrong look away from being disowned. In fact, I was.
Don’t you see this in romantic relationships—especially new ones—all the time? One or both people are afraid to fully be themselves in fear of what the other might make of their honesty.
I can clearly remember the wave of relief that washed over my now-husband’s face when we had a disagreement about six months into our courtship. He sat me down to assess the damage and I assured him that we were past the point of breaking up over a petty dissimilarity.
He says he knew in that moment that we were an “us.” It wasn’t “me” evaluating and judging him,” or “him” deciding whether “I” was right or wrong.
We were a team, and teams are infinitely more resilient than individual identities trying to coexist.
I wonder what this shift in perspective might do for you. Even if you aren’t a score keeper always looking for where you were wronged, taking on the team viewpoint can bring a new sense of closeness to your relationships.
Can you imagine what might happen if we extended this beyond personal relationships—if we saw entire families, communities, or all of humanity as part of the same team?
Imagine how we’d treat each other.
Here’s to spreading the insight to our teammates everywhere.
I once had a totally commonplace, uneventful thought that transformed the way I viewed relationships.
I’m not sure that it was mine; it certainly wasn’t anything groundbreaking or unique. I may have read it somewhere, I can’t remember now.
It was the notion that when two people in a relationship think of themselves as on the same team, things get much easier. Positive feelings grow freely. Score-keeping and resentment are nonexistent.
Insights are very personal—a simple phrase that turns my world upside down might do absolutely nothing for you, and vice versa. Perhaps this notion was so life-changing for me because I grew up surrounded by people who seemed self-focused, always looking for where they had been wronged.
They weren’t selfish or egotistical people. They were insecure people.
My father had insecurities that led him to make everything about himself—if you didn’t say the right thing at the right time, trouble was sure to follow. I spent years walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate my next misstep. It was exhausting.
And I remember women who constantly, endlessly talked about what was wrong with the “deadbeat men” who never seemed to treat them the way they deserved to be treated.
As a kid, it seemed as if adults everywhere put everyone else on the hook for their own happiness. In my childhood innocence and natural wisdom I wondered, why they didn’t take care of their own happiness?
Being on the hook for someone else’s happiness not only felt like enormous pressure, it was an impossible task.
No matter how much my dad approved of something I did one day, he might disapprove of the very same thing the next day. No matter how nice a man was to a woman, he’d inevitably forget to compliment her dress and she’d have him back in the doghouse.
All of this look-what-you’re-doing-to-me, you-should-be-treating-me-better business is not born out of independent, empowered women (or men) simply refusing to put up with less than what they deserve. That’s often how they like to view themselves, but that’s not it at all.
Scavenger hunting for all the ways you aren’t being treated fairly is not an act of self-love. It’s an act of insecurity.
It’s born out of fear and looking to someone else to be your savior. It’s born out of the belief that your happiness comes from what others do, which manifests as manipulation, guilt trips, and passive aggressive behavior aimed at changing them so that you can feel better.
“Us” Not “Me”
When you’re focused on yourself, keeping score, and making sure you’re being treated properly, you’re not actually in relationship with another person—you’re in relationship with your thoughts about the other person.
You’re focusing on yourself, what you can get, and where your partner is falling short.
Thinking of the two of you as a team shifts your focus. Suddenly it’s not “me versus you”; it’s “us.”
It’s no longer “I did the laundry every day this week, what did you do?” It’s “We’re a team. I do the laundry more than you at times, and you do a million other things for me at times.”
It’s not “If you cared about me you’d call twice a day”; it’s “I’d love to talk to you more.”
The you-and-me-together way of looking at things is exactly what was missing for all of those disgruntled women complaining about their deadbeat men. The extreme look-out-for-myself-first approach is what made my relationship with my dad defensive and inauthentic.
Teammates
A couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about her marriage when she confessed that she was once a score-keeper. She used to keep a mental tally of what she had done and what her husband hadn’t, and she gave a whole lot of meaning to that score.
When I asked how she came to leave the score keeping behind, she told me that her husband said something one day that completely turned it around for her.
In the midst of one of her score reports, her husband said the reason he never thought that way was because he saw them as a team. She gives more in some ways and he gives more in other ways, but why keep track when they are always working together, in the end?
She instantly knew that was true. He did give more than her in many ways, but her rigid, defensive outlook hadn’t allowed her to even notice what he did for her.
Although insights are personal, she had the same game-changing one I did. She never looked at her relationship in quite the same way again. When she found herself feeling wronged, she remembered that she and her husband were teammates, not adversaries.
Being on the same team takes the frailty out of a relationship. My relationship with my father always felt fragile and temporary, like I was one wrong look away from being disowned. In fact, I was.
Don’t you see this in romantic relationships—especially new ones—all the time? One or both people are afraid to fully be themselves in fear of what the other might make of their honesty.
I can clearly remember the wave of relief that washed over my now-husband’s face when we had a disagreement about six months into our courtship. He sat me down to assess the damage and I assured him that we were past the point of breaking up over a petty dissimilarity.
He says he knew in that moment that we were an “us.” It wasn’t “me” evaluating and judging him,” or “him” deciding whether “I” was right or wrong.
We were a team, and teams are infinitely more resilient than individual identities trying to coexist.
I wonder what this shift in perspective might do for you. Even if you aren’t a score keeper always looking for where you were wronged, taking on the team viewpoint can bring a new sense of closeness to your relationships.
Can you imagine what might happen if we extended this beyond personal relationships—if we saw entire families, communities, or all of humanity as part of the same team?
Imagine how we’d treat each other.
Here’s to spreading the insight to our teammates everywhere.
Friend that is always there.... Thank you for keeping me sane and supported D.A.
i'm hugging u right now
at least it feels
it's okay to be sad
or hurt...part of being alive
There's a lot of love in this world. There' a lot of love available to everybody. Sometimes what it takes is stop doing the things that you think are necessary in order to get other people to love you. Then you are going to find out how much love there really is, all around you.
just breathe deep
turn off your brain and stop doing and start asking for what you want
the universe has infinite love to give you
at least it feels
it's okay to be sad
or hurt...part of being alive
There's a lot of love in this world. There' a lot of love available to everybody. Sometimes what it takes is stop doing the things that you think are necessary in order to get other people to love you. Then you are going to find out how much love there really is, all around you.
just breathe deep
turn off your brain and stop doing and start asking for what you want
the universe has infinite love to give you
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
5/14/13 Pain.
Pain in the...
"Pain makes people change, but it also makes them stronger."
~Unknown
This quote couldn't be truer for me at the moment. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. The Universe has been toughening me up over this past weekend, and you know what? I feel pretty badass that I rose to the occasion. Here's the thing that I always come back to: No matter how bad a situation is, there is almost always something that could be worse. And no matter what, we always, ALWAYS have the conscious choice of how we view our situation. We can wallow in the pain and label ourselves victims. Or, we can allow ourselves to feel what we feel and CHOOSE an empowering perspective that catapults our healing. Even if more pain is on the way. We forget how much choice we have in how we view our circumstance. But choice is never broken. And, it's always our call. I dig.
"Pain makes people change, but it also makes them stronger."
~Unknown
This quote couldn't be truer for me at the moment. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. The Universe has been toughening me up over this past weekend, and you know what? I feel pretty badass that I rose to the occasion. Here's the thing that I always come back to: No matter how bad a situation is, there is almost always something that could be worse. And no matter what, we always, ALWAYS have the conscious choice of how we view our situation. We can wallow in the pain and label ourselves victims. Or, we can allow ourselves to feel what we feel and CHOOSE an empowering perspective that catapults our healing. Even if more pain is on the way. We forget how much choice we have in how we view our circumstance. But choice is never broken. And, it's always our call. I dig.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
The Matrix of the Mind
No matter what you’re struggling with – mastering your mind is the most important thing because without that you’ll get blown by the wind.
The mind affects everything.
Let me explain how you can control your life by understanding this most important concept in life: The Matrix.
If you don’t control your mind, you’ll regress after the first sign of either accomplishment or conflict.
I want to start you off with some mind tools needed so you control what’s happening on the inside to get what you want on the outside. Unfortunately, for most of us, neither our parents nor the public school education system has taught us about how our minds work.
This first mind tool is “The Matrix of the Mind” and how it affects you daily without you even realizing it.
How to control your life by controlling The Matrix
If you understand the Matrix that’s trying to control your life right now you can break out of it and manipulate the game of life to your advantage. Knowing this mind tool can make or break you.
Download audio
Does this mean we’re screwed? Absolutely not!
The bad news is that we can’t fully escape from these things completely. They’re beyond us.
The good news is that you can step back and pay attention to what’s happening in each matrix and manipulate it through your awareness.
In other words you can create new rules, objectives, and beliefs. You can jump in and out of matrices as you see fit and you can even create your own matrix with your own rules.
Here’s your homework
Answer these 3 questions to yourself first.
~What are your beliefs?
~What are your values?
~What are your assumptions about life?
Based on those answers, In the comments below describe the matrix you’re living in? Describe the rules and beliefs of the Matrix you’re living in.
Are these answers really serving your long term vision in life? And can you see how it’s controlling you?
The mind affects everything.
Let me explain how you can control your life by understanding this most important concept in life: The Matrix.
If you don’t control your mind, you’ll regress after the first sign of either accomplishment or conflict.
I want to start you off with some mind tools needed so you control what’s happening on the inside to get what you want on the outside. Unfortunately, for most of us, neither our parents nor the public school education system has taught us about how our minds work.
This first mind tool is “The Matrix of the Mind” and how it affects you daily without you even realizing it.
How to control your life by controlling The Matrix
If you understand the Matrix that’s trying to control your life right now you can break out of it and manipulate the game of life to your advantage. Knowing this mind tool can make or break you.
Download audio
Does this mean we’re screwed? Absolutely not!
The bad news is that we can’t fully escape from these things completely. They’re beyond us.
The good news is that you can step back and pay attention to what’s happening in each matrix and manipulate it through your awareness.
In other words you can create new rules, objectives, and beliefs. You can jump in and out of matrices as you see fit and you can even create your own matrix with your own rules.
Here’s your homework
Answer these 3 questions to yourself first.
~What are your beliefs?
~What are your values?
~What are your assumptions about life?
Based on those answers, In the comments below describe the matrix you’re living in? Describe the rules and beliefs of the Matrix you’re living in.
Are these answers really serving your long term vision in life? And can you see how it’s controlling you?
Prep School Day #4
Welcome to Day 4
with Molly Mahar
Molly is changing the world by teaching women how to value their own purpose and strength, especially as they arrive at transition. She is all about "Activating Your Awesome", so naturally she was a perfect fit for Prep School.
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two great, easy self love practices that you can easily implement in your own life.
:: The easy-to-implement tool Andrea uses in her morning ritual.
:: How your judgment of others relates to your own self-love.
with Molly Mahar
Molly is changing the world by teaching women how to value their own purpose and strength, especially as they arrive at transition. She is all about "Activating Your Awesome", so naturally she was a perfect fit for Prep School.
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two great, easy self love practices that you can easily implement in your own life.
:: The easy-to-implement tool Andrea uses in her morning ritual.
:: How your judgment of others relates to your own self-love.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Dare to Live: 10 Unconventional Ways to Be True to Yourself By Kavetha Sundaramoorthy
1. Cherish those special friendships.
I had (and still have) friends who knew and loved me unconditionally. This is truly invaluable. Make and keep good friends and be honest with them. They can be your moral compass during stormy times. Not just psychologically, but literally, like in share-her-last-sandwich-while-reading-poetry-on-long-afternoons kind of support.
2. Don’t hate those who stumble; we all do sometimes.
It would have been so easy, and actually it was, to hate my dad for a while. But as time passed, I was able to see his side too. This guy was so poor while growing up that he had only one meal a day and wore torn rags to school.
He had to sneak to elementary classes from his day job herding sheep. From there, he had risen to be one of the top surgeons in the country and built an empire. Me rejecting it felt personal, like I was rejecting him.
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. If you can, forgive and allow compassion into your relationships. It makes the ride more beautiful.
3. Take responsibility for your own life.
This is the beginning of self-esteem. Although stuff happens, ultimately you are responsible for your actions.
When we deeply and utterly understand that to be true, life takes on a whole new meaning. Whatever has happened until the past moment is gone. This present moment is again yours. And you have the power to do whatever you want with it.
4. Have a big vision and keep your goals aligned with your vision.
I struggled with this one for a while. First, I had no big vision. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant. So my goals and actions went in circles for a while.
Make sure to know what kind of person you want to be and what kind of job/life you would like to lead. Then shape your short-term goals so it is moving you in that direction (or at least not away from it).
5. Remember that death makes life real.
In the words of Steve Jobs, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Death can come at any moment, to any of us. We don’t have forever to be who we are. In fact, we owe it to ourselves and those we love to be truly alive and authentic in each moment. It is the only legacy we can be proud to leave behind.
6. Don’t worry too much about making mistakes.
It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. Think and analyze your decisions carefully, but once you feel reasonably sure you have made a good choice, just trust yourself. Be bold and go forth into the wilderness.
Whatever happens, you will have gained an experience from it that only the courageous can boast of.
7. Know your strengths.
You are unique. There is only one you in this entire universe. No one has exactly your strange and magical mix of genes and experience. Learn what makes you tick. And keep building on that. You will make wonderful things happen.
8. Be kind to yourself.
We all mess up once in a while. When it happens and you finally catch on, drop your ego, admit your mistake fully, and make amends. Learn from it so you don’t repeat that same lesson again. Then forgive yourself and move on. Life is hard and we are not made to be perfect.
9. Be in the moment.
This present moment is alive and full of potential. Learning to be mindful has helped me tremendously by keeping me in my life, as it happens.
Whether you are playing, sleeping, working, lazing, watching TV, or hanging out with someone you love, give your awareness to it 100%. I highly recommend a daily mindfulness practice. It has changed the way I relate to life.
10. Don’t forget to laugh.
It has gotten me through many a sticky situation. And created hours of pure fun. Include as much good humor in your day as legally possible. And that’s a doctor’s order.
So dear readers and future friends, don’t wait to be who you are. You are special and there is a reason you are on this earth. No matter what your situation is, there is something you can do today to move toward your true self.
Dare to live; your dreams are counting on you.
I had (and still have) friends who knew and loved me unconditionally. This is truly invaluable. Make and keep good friends and be honest with them. They can be your moral compass during stormy times. Not just psychologically, but literally, like in share-her-last-sandwich-while-reading-poetry-on-long-afternoons kind of support.
2. Don’t hate those who stumble; we all do sometimes.
It would have been so easy, and actually it was, to hate my dad for a while. But as time passed, I was able to see his side too. This guy was so poor while growing up that he had only one meal a day and wore torn rags to school.
He had to sneak to elementary classes from his day job herding sheep. From there, he had risen to be one of the top surgeons in the country and built an empire. Me rejecting it felt personal, like I was rejecting him.
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. If you can, forgive and allow compassion into your relationships. It makes the ride more beautiful.
3. Take responsibility for your own life.
This is the beginning of self-esteem. Although stuff happens, ultimately you are responsible for your actions.
When we deeply and utterly understand that to be true, life takes on a whole new meaning. Whatever has happened until the past moment is gone. This present moment is again yours. And you have the power to do whatever you want with it.
4. Have a big vision and keep your goals aligned with your vision.
I struggled with this one for a while. First, I had no big vision. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant. So my goals and actions went in circles for a while.
Make sure to know what kind of person you want to be and what kind of job/life you would like to lead. Then shape your short-term goals so it is moving you in that direction (or at least not away from it).
5. Remember that death makes life real.
In the words of Steve Jobs, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Death can come at any moment, to any of us. We don’t have forever to be who we are. In fact, we owe it to ourselves and those we love to be truly alive and authentic in each moment. It is the only legacy we can be proud to leave behind.
6. Don’t worry too much about making mistakes.
It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. Think and analyze your decisions carefully, but once you feel reasonably sure you have made a good choice, just trust yourself. Be bold and go forth into the wilderness.
Whatever happens, you will have gained an experience from it that only the courageous can boast of.
7. Know your strengths.
You are unique. There is only one you in this entire universe. No one has exactly your strange and magical mix of genes and experience. Learn what makes you tick. And keep building on that. You will make wonderful things happen.
8. Be kind to yourself.
We all mess up once in a while. When it happens and you finally catch on, drop your ego, admit your mistake fully, and make amends. Learn from it so you don’t repeat that same lesson again. Then forgive yourself and move on. Life is hard and we are not made to be perfect.
9. Be in the moment.
This present moment is alive and full of potential. Learning to be mindful has helped me tremendously by keeping me in my life, as it happens.
Whether you are playing, sleeping, working, lazing, watching TV, or hanging out with someone you love, give your awareness to it 100%. I highly recommend a daily mindfulness practice. It has changed the way I relate to life.
10. Don’t forget to laugh.
It has gotten me through many a sticky situation. And created hours of pure fun. Include as much good humor in your day as legally possible. And that’s a doctor’s order.
So dear readers and future friends, don’t wait to be who you are. You are special and there is a reason you are on this earth. No matter what your situation is, there is something you can do today to move toward your true self.
Dare to live; your dreams are counting on you.
Prep School Day #3
Welcome to Day 3
with Fabeku Fatunmise
Join Fabeku (our one and only male in Prep School) as he shares he personal, sordid tale of self-love. As a self-proclaimed Suck Exorcist, he will show you some awesome tools to cultivating your AWESOME!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two ways to figure out the stories you’re committed to that aren’t serving you.
:: The importance of stepping into your BIGness.
:: An easy way you can start to let go of disempowering beliefs.
with Fabeku Fatunmise
Join Fabeku (our one and only male in Prep School) as he shares he personal, sordid tale of self-love. As a self-proclaimed Suck Exorcist, he will show you some awesome tools to cultivating your AWESOME!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two ways to figure out the stories you’re committed to that aren’t serving you.
:: The importance of stepping into your BIGness.
:: An easy way you can start to let go of disempowering beliefs.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
5/7/13
By recognizing and ultimately accepting the unpredictable nature of life, we can stop over-thinking and over-analyzing and start living more in the present moment. This helps to open the mind up to the possibilities of today.
Monday morning (yesterday's) motivation
"It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself." -Eleanor Roosevelt
I don't think Ms. Roosevelt is talking about laundry. I believe it's things like asking someone to believe in themselves, love themselves, go after their dreams... stuff like that. So, when you're wishing these things for other people, my hope is that you have them well on their way for yourself first.
[JOY JUNKIE]
Used.
"I want to be all used up when I die."
~George Bernard Shaw
Wow. This quote really resonated with me. All used up. Nothing left. You have LIVED life. Every second of it. No regrets. Went after your dreams, your desires. What a sweet deathbed that will be. Join me. When we all lay our heads for our final rest, lets say we took this life by storm. Now start acting like it. Today. Now.
I don't think Ms. Roosevelt is talking about laundry. I believe it's things like asking someone to believe in themselves, love themselves, go after their dreams... stuff like that. So, when you're wishing these things for other people, my hope is that you have them well on their way for yourself first.
[JOY JUNKIE]
Used.
"I want to be all used up when I die."
~George Bernard Shaw
Wow. This quote really resonated with me. All used up. Nothing left. You have LIVED life. Every second of it. No regrets. Went after your dreams, your desires. What a sweet deathbed that will be. Join me. When we all lay our heads for our final rest, lets say we took this life by storm. Now start acting like it. Today. Now.
Welcome to Day 2
with Isabel Foxen Duke
Isabel is a certified Health Coach and Emotional Eating Expert and is passionate about teaching women to not be crazy around food. You in?
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How self love can get you off the diet roller coaster.
:: How compulsive eating is directly related to lack of self love.
:: A big myth in regards to weight loss.
with Isabel Foxen Duke
Isabel is a certified Health Coach and Emotional Eating Expert and is passionate about teaching women to not be crazy around food. You in?
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How self love can get you off the diet roller coaster.
:: How compulsive eating is directly related to lack of self love.
:: A big myth in regards to weight loss.
PREP SCHOOL
Welcome to Day 1
with Susan Hyatt
Martha Beck Master-certified life coach and author of Create Your Own Luck: Seven Steps to get Your Lucky On shares her juiciest tips for radical self-care!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How to get around the excuse of “Not enough time”.
:: The Importance of self-care in self-love
:: A morning ritual worksheet for you!
with Susan Hyatt
Martha Beck Master-certified life coach and author of Create Your Own Luck: Seven Steps to get Your Lucky On shares her juiciest tips for radical self-care!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How to get around the excuse of “Not enough time”.
:: The Importance of self-care in self-love
:: A morning ritual worksheet for you!
"remember to enjoy stress, enjoy the rush, work my hardest and most enthusiastically in the moment and offload thoughts about managing outcomes (they are already managed by doing the work, it’s extra pain and mental and emotional RAM wasted)"
For staying positive/fulfilled in the longer term, i've come up with a loose system over the last three years or so. For a long time i struggled with whether to deal with negative emotions biologically or emotionally. Couldn't figure out if happiness was about seratonin levels, money and cars, or being one with the universe. As all polar conflicts tend to go, the answer was somewhere in the middle.
I now use a really basic system to understand why and how i feel good and bad and how to change it. There are two important and inseparable aspects of long term happiness: a thriving brain-body, and emotional fulfillment.
1. Biology
You need your biology to feel positive emotions. Your thoughts and feelings can all be boiled down to neurons firing and chemicals moving around. Any time you feel anything good or bad its happening because of your body. You are your body. No matter how happy you should be, if you cant muster up enough seratonin (oversimplification) you'll feel like depressed shit on the street.
Those days or moments when you feel bad for no reason are usually a result of some kind of wackiness in your homeostasis. And even when you can think of ten reasons to feel depressed (especially if they're broad and existential) they can be completely the result of momentary deficiencies in brain and body health. And if there is a real external reason for bad feelings, biology can make it a 1,000 times worse. Imagine the difference between a creditor hounding you for money you don't have after green tea, meditation, and a big healthy breakfast, and a creditor calling you 2/3 of your way into a meth bender (an extreme example to emphasize the point, but the concept is constantly happening on a subtler level.)
BUT, even if your buzzing on a perfect homeostasis, you can still be unhappy, especially in the long run. Thats where emotional fulfillment comes in.
2. Emotional fulfillment
You have emotional needs. Theres tons of theories on how and why they got there (evolution, culture, ideology, god, personality) and how to categorize them (maslow, psychology, love, ego, altruism, selfishness, yada yada) but what matters is that they're there and you need to fulfill them to feel happy.
The best way i've found to quickly and efficiently analyze how to fulfill those needs is best described by what either jake or austin said a couple weeks ago: "how do i feel about what i do?" (Or how will i feel or how am i feeling). Ask that question as often as possible, in reflection on future improvement and during real time decision making and try to answer with as thick and heavy honesty as possible. The better you feel about what you do the more fulfilled you'll be. Its a great way to analyze happiness because it doesn't rely on anything external or out of your control.
It can get complicated when trying to figure out if you should alter what you do or alter how you feel about it. But giving my brain this type of simple straightforward framing makes it MUCH less complicated, and makes the solution usually come easier and faster.
Whats also important to remember is that you almost always think within these types of systems. And the more you think in a particular one the more automatic and default it becomes. So engineering them on purpose and with clear headed intentions can provide a huge amount of positive change for comparably small effort.
For staying positive/fulfilled in the longer term, i've come up with a loose system over the last three years or so. For a long time i struggled with whether to deal with negative emotions biologically or emotionally. Couldn't figure out if happiness was about seratonin levels, money and cars, or being one with the universe. As all polar conflicts tend to go, the answer was somewhere in the middle.
I now use a really basic system to understand why and how i feel good and bad and how to change it. There are two important and inseparable aspects of long term happiness: a thriving brain-body, and emotional fulfillment.
1. Biology
You need your biology to feel positive emotions. Your thoughts and feelings can all be boiled down to neurons firing and chemicals moving around. Any time you feel anything good or bad its happening because of your body. You are your body. No matter how happy you should be, if you cant muster up enough seratonin (oversimplification) you'll feel like depressed shit on the street.
Those days or moments when you feel bad for no reason are usually a result of some kind of wackiness in your homeostasis. And even when you can think of ten reasons to feel depressed (especially if they're broad and existential) they can be completely the result of momentary deficiencies in brain and body health. And if there is a real external reason for bad feelings, biology can make it a 1,000 times worse. Imagine the difference between a creditor hounding you for money you don't have after green tea, meditation, and a big healthy breakfast, and a creditor calling you 2/3 of your way into a meth bender (an extreme example to emphasize the point, but the concept is constantly happening on a subtler level.)
BUT, even if your buzzing on a perfect homeostasis, you can still be unhappy, especially in the long run. Thats where emotional fulfillment comes in.
2. Emotional fulfillment
You have emotional needs. Theres tons of theories on how and why they got there (evolution, culture, ideology, god, personality) and how to categorize them (maslow, psychology, love, ego, altruism, selfishness, yada yada) but what matters is that they're there and you need to fulfill them to feel happy.
The best way i've found to quickly and efficiently analyze how to fulfill those needs is best described by what either jake or austin said a couple weeks ago: "how do i feel about what i do?" (Or how will i feel or how am i feeling). Ask that question as often as possible, in reflection on future improvement and during real time decision making and try to answer with as thick and heavy honesty as possible. The better you feel about what you do the more fulfilled you'll be. Its a great way to analyze happiness because it doesn't rely on anything external or out of your control.
It can get complicated when trying to figure out if you should alter what you do or alter how you feel about it. But giving my brain this type of simple straightforward framing makes it MUCH less complicated, and makes the solution usually come easier and faster.
Whats also important to remember is that you almost always think within these types of systems. And the more you think in a particular one the more automatic and default it becomes. So engineering them on purpose and with clear headed intentions can provide a huge amount of positive change for comparably small effort.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Somethin my lil sister wrote (age 10)
Message to all loved ones: Love is the most important thing, without it you would not be you, or even alive. Thank you everybody whos in my life. Without you, I would be nothing.--Alexia
Sunday, May 5, 2013
5/5/13
Run in the rain today. Wet on every part of my body. Head already soaked from a shower. Music pushing me with its beats. The run back, the sound of rain and cars driving by pushed my feet with a slower pace. Celebrating a breakthrough of pain in the rain.
Friday, May 3, 2013
How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Mistakes
Even if we make very few mistakes, we’ll still have some imperfections that we could address.
So what can we do? We can start reorienting our thinking.
Step #1: Be good to yourself.
It’s no good trying to fight against something you’ve just done when you’re feeling bad about it. Give yourself time to calm down and regain your composure. Basically, let go and chill out.
So I’ve binged and now I feel uncomfortable. I need to relax and let my body digest. Water is essential for digestion so I need to drink that, a few sips at a time. I also need to remove the last of the pizza from view, which means putting it in the bin.
Step #2: Acknowledge what caused you to do what you did.
I need to acknowledge why I binge. Pizza isn’t my only vice, after all. I comfort eat when I’m unhappy or stressed, and I have intense cravings that go beyond “I fancy a couple of biscuits with my tea.”
This step requires a hefty amount of honesty on your part. Pretending a problem isn’t there will not help you move past it. But in the process of admitting a problem, whether it’s with over-eating or over-spending, be nice to yourself.
Step #3: Start small to address the problem.
My yoga instructor explained that severe cravings are a form of perversion; when our bodies lack some form of goodness or nutrition, the opposite version of that lack becomes magnified, creating these enormous, unruly cravings.
I need to address my lack in order to balance myself, which means eating more in the way of leafy greens, full of protein, and nature’s goodness.
Immediate action can be applied to any circumstance where you feel out of control. If you over-spend, set a generous but reasonable budget and stick to it; if you suck at saying “no” to people, practice in front of the mirror, maybe do it over the phone to start and then branch out the more confident you become.
The point is to make a small change and grow into the space that change creates.
Step #4: Confront your expectations.
I’ve put in place new approaches that are helping me to feed and stretch my body, and settle my mind, so I’m in a good place to stand up to the nagging thoughts that bring me down.
Money-wise, yes I could have used that cash on something more useful, but you know what? I order a pizza once a month at the most. It’s my treat. I pay my bills and my debts, and I put a small amount away each month for a rainy day, so I’ll spend my ten pounds on what I want.
Health-wise, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t eat much in the way of refined sugars or fatty foods. I eat plenty of fruits and root vegetables, and healthy portions of nuts and fiber-packed nibbles.
Weight-wise, I’m doing alright. I lost almost 30 pounds in just less than two years, slowly and healthily. I’ve put about 7 pounds back on courtesy of Christmas, but I’m now cutting back. So I don’t resemble a wafer; so I don’t fit a BMI graph. I look just fine.
The point of this step isn’t to rationalize unhealthy choices; it’s to think of all the good things you may not consider when you’re being hard on yourself over one arguably bad decision. It may not be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Step #5: Love yourself.
This is probably the hardest step. I’m not quite there myself yet but I’m working on it, like a lot of people in the world. Maybe you’re working on it now but thinking it’ll never happen.
Standing in front of my mirror saying “I love you” makes me laugh because it feels so stupid. That nagging voice says it’s stupid but, really, it’s not. It’s very sensible.
How can I follow through on any of the other steps if I don’t respect and care for myself? How can I love others if I have no love for myself? Loving yourself is one of the best things you can do.
Before I go to bed, as I brush my teeth, I’m going to look right into my hazel eyes and mentally say to myself “I love you. The pizza was a bit of an indulgence but you’re over it now. You’re taking positive steps to change and that is quite awesome.”
Love yourself, even if you have some less-than-ideal habits. You can only overcome these if you stop kicking yourself when you’re down. Instead, give yourself a hug and get up. Keep moving.
Whatever you tend to punish yourself over, you can apply these steps. Perseverance is the trick, but if you’re having a hard time, it’s worth taking the ultimate risk and opening your heart to another, like a friend, a family member, a mentor, or even a professional.
The point is, you can turn this painful situation around and be free of it. You just have to start with you.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up-over-mistakes/
So what can we do? We can start reorienting our thinking.
Step #1: Be good to yourself.
It’s no good trying to fight against something you’ve just done when you’re feeling bad about it. Give yourself time to calm down and regain your composure. Basically, let go and chill out.
So I’ve binged and now I feel uncomfortable. I need to relax and let my body digest. Water is essential for digestion so I need to drink that, a few sips at a time. I also need to remove the last of the pizza from view, which means putting it in the bin.
Step #2: Acknowledge what caused you to do what you did.
I need to acknowledge why I binge. Pizza isn’t my only vice, after all. I comfort eat when I’m unhappy or stressed, and I have intense cravings that go beyond “I fancy a couple of biscuits with my tea.”
This step requires a hefty amount of honesty on your part. Pretending a problem isn’t there will not help you move past it. But in the process of admitting a problem, whether it’s with over-eating or over-spending, be nice to yourself.
Step #3: Start small to address the problem.
My yoga instructor explained that severe cravings are a form of perversion; when our bodies lack some form of goodness or nutrition, the opposite version of that lack becomes magnified, creating these enormous, unruly cravings.
I need to address my lack in order to balance myself, which means eating more in the way of leafy greens, full of protein, and nature’s goodness.
Immediate action can be applied to any circumstance where you feel out of control. If you over-spend, set a generous but reasonable budget and stick to it; if you suck at saying “no” to people, practice in front of the mirror, maybe do it over the phone to start and then branch out the more confident you become.
The point is to make a small change and grow into the space that change creates.
Step #4: Confront your expectations.
I’ve put in place new approaches that are helping me to feed and stretch my body, and settle my mind, so I’m in a good place to stand up to the nagging thoughts that bring me down.
Money-wise, yes I could have used that cash on something more useful, but you know what? I order a pizza once a month at the most. It’s my treat. I pay my bills and my debts, and I put a small amount away each month for a rainy day, so I’ll spend my ten pounds on what I want.
Health-wise, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t eat much in the way of refined sugars or fatty foods. I eat plenty of fruits and root vegetables, and healthy portions of nuts and fiber-packed nibbles.
Weight-wise, I’m doing alright. I lost almost 30 pounds in just less than two years, slowly and healthily. I’ve put about 7 pounds back on courtesy of Christmas, but I’m now cutting back. So I don’t resemble a wafer; so I don’t fit a BMI graph. I look just fine.
The point of this step isn’t to rationalize unhealthy choices; it’s to think of all the good things you may not consider when you’re being hard on yourself over one arguably bad decision. It may not be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Step #5: Love yourself.
This is probably the hardest step. I’m not quite there myself yet but I’m working on it, like a lot of people in the world. Maybe you’re working on it now but thinking it’ll never happen.
Standing in front of my mirror saying “I love you” makes me laugh because it feels so stupid. That nagging voice says it’s stupid but, really, it’s not. It’s very sensible.
How can I follow through on any of the other steps if I don’t respect and care for myself? How can I love others if I have no love for myself? Loving yourself is one of the best things you can do.
Before I go to bed, as I brush my teeth, I’m going to look right into my hazel eyes and mentally say to myself “I love you. The pizza was a bit of an indulgence but you’re over it now. You’re taking positive steps to change and that is quite awesome.”
Love yourself, even if you have some less-than-ideal habits. You can only overcome these if you stop kicking yourself when you’re down. Instead, give yourself a hug and get up. Keep moving.
Whatever you tend to punish yourself over, you can apply these steps. Perseverance is the trick, but if you’re having a hard time, it’s worth taking the ultimate risk and opening your heart to another, like a friend, a family member, a mentor, or even a professional.
The point is, you can turn this painful situation around and be free of it. You just have to start with you.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up-over-mistakes/
5 Tiny Steps to Move Away from Unnecessary Busyness
“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau
I’m sitting on my porch watching the line of ants trail up the wall until the black line above me starts to fade into the roof. I wonder what they think about.
Do they question the busyness of their tiny lives? Are they determined to get somewhere, or do they just focus on each tiny step forward? Do they fear the long road ahead?
I remembered learning from my mother—when my sister and I were homeschooled in third grade—about ants’ inability to see with their eyes. I remember my mother telling me that ants see through their sense of smell.
In order to better learn how they saw, my mother placed small pieces of homemade brownies around the house and covered our eyes with blindfolds. Hungry and determined, my sister and I scrambled around the house on all fours, sniffing for our hidden treasure.
While I am still grateful for this lesson my mother taught me about ants, I am starting to recognize a more important lesson that has taken a bit longer to learn.
In high school I spent countless hours with my head down studying and using my hands for various volunteer organizations. In college I worked tirelessly from class to work to home.
Little did I know I was just like the ants marching toward some destination, but I was blind as to where I was going and why.
It wasn’t until I reached complete burnout in my young professional career that I really started taking a look at the time I spent staying busy and getting things done. I had to take a step back and look at what I was doing with my time.
In my younger years I could push through mild illnesses to finish term papers and tests, so I thought this would be the case with my career.
But long hours of keeping busy at work and extracurricular activities turned into days, weeks, months, and years until my body forced me to stop.
I suffered a neck injury that kept me from my job. In search of the answer as to how I injured my neck, I went from doctor to doctor and they told me the injury was merely overwork, not enough rest, and too much stress. The doctors simply directed me to stop being so busy, something that is much easier said than done.
Since the injury kept me from work, chores, exercise, and most of my demanding activities, I faced the startling realization that I had to slow down. I had to start questioning why I was keeping myself so busy.
I discovered that if I stayed busy I could ignore the pain I felt of not being good enough. I recognized that if I continued to do things, I thought I would like myself more. I recognized that I didn’t love myself for just being me.
That injury saved my life. It made me question why I was busy.
I still have to come back to Thoreau’s question: What am I busy about? What are we all busy about?
First, ask: What am I doing in the day that does not serve me? Do I need to spend three hours every weekend cleaning the house or can my family divide, conquer, and clean in only one hour?
Do I need to spend two hours each day updating my social media status or can I update my profile once a week? What am I willing to sacrifice for internal sanity and calm?
Second, ask: Why do I do all that I do? You might be shocked to see that you cling to a number of superfluous tasks for money, pride, power, or recognition.
Third, ask: What would happen if I stopped doing this? Clearly, if you abruptly quit your job you might face immense challenges. Maybe start by identifying something small to erase from your over-packed day.
Be as specific as writing down each hour in your day to see where you spend most of your time and what you can remove from your day. You might surprise yourself when you see how much television you watch or how much time you spend driving around to do errands.
Tiny Steps to Move away from Unnecessary Busyness:
1. Challenge yourself to take a few minutes to stretch your legs or to close your eyes and concentrate on slowing down your breathing.
Clearing your head and slowing down your heart rate will allow for clearer thinking, planning, and decision-making.
2. Take a step back and look at your life from another perspective, as if you were a friend or a colleague looking at it.
It can help you let go of emotional attachments and see why you are hanging onto pointless tasks and activities that once appeared significant.
3. Pay attention to your dreams.
Besides my strong advice to take a nap everyday (something we should continue to do no matter how old we are) our dreams can be indicators of many things in our lives if we slow down to recognize what they are telling us.
4. Unplug.
Limiting use of computers and cell phones can open up many more hours of free time, creativity, and relaxation.
5. Allow yourself to feel and be mindful.
Do you feel tension in your shoulders? Are you clenching your jaw?
When we are busy, we forget to feel what’s going on with our own bodies. Let us not be the ants, blind to our own lives, oblivious to what’s in front of us.
Let us continue to question why we “do.” There are some things that are important to “do” in life, but there are also times when it’s important to just “be.”
It is up to us to take more breaks in our busy days and really ask, why am I doing this? Does it matter?
Tonight I decided to stop working a bit early. I did not respond to all the emails in my inbox. Instead I asked myself what I want to do tonight and why.
I spent my evening reliving my childhood and made a fresh batch of brownies. I savored each bite knowing there is really nothing left for me to do but sit back and watch the trail of ants.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-tiny-steps-to-move-away-from-unnecessary-busyness/
I’m sitting on my porch watching the line of ants trail up the wall until the black line above me starts to fade into the roof. I wonder what they think about.
Do they question the busyness of their tiny lives? Are they determined to get somewhere, or do they just focus on each tiny step forward? Do they fear the long road ahead?
I remembered learning from my mother—when my sister and I were homeschooled in third grade—about ants’ inability to see with their eyes. I remember my mother telling me that ants see through their sense of smell.
In order to better learn how they saw, my mother placed small pieces of homemade brownies around the house and covered our eyes with blindfolds. Hungry and determined, my sister and I scrambled around the house on all fours, sniffing for our hidden treasure.
While I am still grateful for this lesson my mother taught me about ants, I am starting to recognize a more important lesson that has taken a bit longer to learn.
In high school I spent countless hours with my head down studying and using my hands for various volunteer organizations. In college I worked tirelessly from class to work to home.
Little did I know I was just like the ants marching toward some destination, but I was blind as to where I was going and why.
It wasn’t until I reached complete burnout in my young professional career that I really started taking a look at the time I spent staying busy and getting things done. I had to take a step back and look at what I was doing with my time.
In my younger years I could push through mild illnesses to finish term papers and tests, so I thought this would be the case with my career.
But long hours of keeping busy at work and extracurricular activities turned into days, weeks, months, and years until my body forced me to stop.
I suffered a neck injury that kept me from my job. In search of the answer as to how I injured my neck, I went from doctor to doctor and they told me the injury was merely overwork, not enough rest, and too much stress. The doctors simply directed me to stop being so busy, something that is much easier said than done.
Since the injury kept me from work, chores, exercise, and most of my demanding activities, I faced the startling realization that I had to slow down. I had to start questioning why I was keeping myself so busy.
I discovered that if I stayed busy I could ignore the pain I felt of not being good enough. I recognized that if I continued to do things, I thought I would like myself more. I recognized that I didn’t love myself for just being me.
That injury saved my life. It made me question why I was busy.
I still have to come back to Thoreau’s question: What am I busy about? What are we all busy about?
First, ask: What am I doing in the day that does not serve me? Do I need to spend three hours every weekend cleaning the house or can my family divide, conquer, and clean in only one hour?
Do I need to spend two hours each day updating my social media status or can I update my profile once a week? What am I willing to sacrifice for internal sanity and calm?
Second, ask: Why do I do all that I do? You might be shocked to see that you cling to a number of superfluous tasks for money, pride, power, or recognition.
Third, ask: What would happen if I stopped doing this? Clearly, if you abruptly quit your job you might face immense challenges. Maybe start by identifying something small to erase from your over-packed day.
Be as specific as writing down each hour in your day to see where you spend most of your time and what you can remove from your day. You might surprise yourself when you see how much television you watch or how much time you spend driving around to do errands.
Tiny Steps to Move away from Unnecessary Busyness:
1. Challenge yourself to take a few minutes to stretch your legs or to close your eyes and concentrate on slowing down your breathing.
Clearing your head and slowing down your heart rate will allow for clearer thinking, planning, and decision-making.
2. Take a step back and look at your life from another perspective, as if you were a friend or a colleague looking at it.
It can help you let go of emotional attachments and see why you are hanging onto pointless tasks and activities that once appeared significant.
3. Pay attention to your dreams.
Besides my strong advice to take a nap everyday (something we should continue to do no matter how old we are) our dreams can be indicators of many things in our lives if we slow down to recognize what they are telling us.
4. Unplug.
Limiting use of computers and cell phones can open up many more hours of free time, creativity, and relaxation.
5. Allow yourself to feel and be mindful.
Do you feel tension in your shoulders? Are you clenching your jaw?
When we are busy, we forget to feel what’s going on with our own bodies. Let us not be the ants, blind to our own lives, oblivious to what’s in front of us.
Let us continue to question why we “do.” There are some things that are important to “do” in life, but there are also times when it’s important to just “be.”
It is up to us to take more breaks in our busy days and really ask, why am I doing this? Does it matter?
Tonight I decided to stop working a bit early. I did not respond to all the emails in my inbox. Instead I asked myself what I want to do tonight and why.
I spent my evening reliving my childhood and made a fresh batch of brownies. I savored each bite knowing there is really nothing left for me to do but sit back and watch the trail of ants.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-tiny-steps-to-move-away-from-unnecessary-busyness/
How Your Mind Sabotages Your Life and How to Stop It
“What we see is mainly what we look for.” ~Anonymous
A few weeks ago, my aunt was visiting for a family holiday. I hadn’t seen her in a few years so we were catching up, talking about life, and talking about the projects we were each working on.
“So I’m still working on my PhD dissertation,” she said. “It’s really exhausting, you know, having five kids and doing my PhD all while working. It’s just exhausting.”
“And the problem is that these professors are constantly approving or denying my thesis subjects, so I’ll begin to research it and then they tell me I need to switch. It’s like all these people are against me.”
“We’ve also got some debt from our last house that I lost in the divorce and I’m still trying to manage that while….”
She went on for about 15 minutes, without me even being able to say a word, until her husband finally came in and said:
“Karen, stop gettin’ in your own way, will ya? The way you talk is enough to give a sane person a nervous breakdown.”
And that’s when it clicked.
The Secret Enemy Sabotaging Our Lives
Have you ever gone into a job interview and then couldn’t stop replaying the mental image of yourself messing up? (Like telling yourself, “There are tons of more qualified candidates. I don’t know how they’ll find me….”)
Have you ever changed how you treated someone based on what they looked like, before you even knew them? (Like a random salesman coming up to your door?)
Have you ever gotten upset at your spouse over something that, as it turns out, was entirely in your head? (Like blaming her/him for a mess, when it turns out it was the kids?)
If you’ve done one of these things, then you may be falling prey to this secret enemy called your mind.
Why Happiness, Contentment, and Even Success Originate in Our Mind
I’ve learned there’s one thing that holds us back from doing as well as we want: our mind.
When we’re not doing as well as we want, it’s usually because of made-up dramas that happen in our mind all day long.
Like the belief that we can’t be successful and happy.
Or the belief that it takes a lot of money to start a business.
Or the belief that all successful people are highly intelligent prodigies.
Guess what! None of these are facts. They are merely beliefs that hold us back.
Remember my aunt who thought that the whole world was conspiring against her? It took her own husband saying, “Stop getting in your own way!” for her to even remotely realize it wasn’t a “fact,” but merely her own thoughts affecting her behavior.
So what do you do when your mind is getting in your own way?
Whether it’s messing with your relationship, how you view your job, or just preventing you from being happy, there is one key practice you can do.
Ask yourself: Is this really true?
Try to be a little scientist, and ask yourself “Is this really true?” Do it 100 times a day. Try to find experiences or people that contradict this idea in your head. I’ll show you how.
Example #1: The whole world is against me, I can’t find a job, nothing ever works out, and people are untrustworthy.
When I graduated from college, it was during one of the worst times to go looking for a job.
I talked to many people about it, and I usually ended up saying something like this:
Assumption: “The economy is just so bad. All of the jobs are taken and it’s going to be very difficult for me to find any job (let alone a good one). My college degree means nothing, and I’m going to have to work in Starbucks to pay for my bills. The last two job interviews went horribly. Nothing ever works out for me.”
The Question: Is this really true? What would an observer see?
Yes, there are fewer open jobs, based on statistics.
A college degree is useful, but there are many other competitors with college degrees too.
Yes, the past two job interviews didn’t lead to a job.
But I chose to blame the economy instead of figuring out a novel way to find a job (like through personal connections or learning a brand new skill).
I chose to believe that a college degree is the only way to be competitive in a tough job market.
I chose to believe that life had a personal vendetta against me, when in reality, the only objective fact was that I didn’t get the last two jobs I’d interviewed for.
All of these assumptions were poisoning my mind and creating a filter through which I viewed the world.
And all of these things prevented me from doing the only thing that mattered: seeing reality for what it was and taking the next step forward.
Example #2: “In order to get fit, I’ve heard you have to work out two hours a day and just eat lettuce. I could never do that.”
My dad, a guy who is in his late 50s who loves watching MMA (mixed martial arts), figured he should start taking better care of his health. Unfortunately, he had a lot of emotional and mental baggage:
Assumption: “In order to get fit you need to work out two or more hours a day like these MMA guys and just eat super clean. You need iron willpower to never eat sweets and maintain that kind of workout plan. I could never do that. You’ve really got to be in the peak of your life.”
The Question: Is this really true?
The easiest way to find the objective truth for this would be to ask someone who did it.
Fortunately a family friend who is a doctor recently had a success story to compare to:
Do you need to workout two hours a day? “I only worked out forty-five minutes, four times a week.”
Do you need to eat only lettuce? “Actually, I ate plenty of meat, veggies, nuts, and fruits (and wine!), and was rarely hungry.”
Do you need to restrict all the foods you enjoy? “I had one cheat day: it turned out to be Saturdays when I had free-reign on tiramisu and red wine.”
So how do you think my dad’s behavior changed when he learned that his former “belief” was not a fact?
He felt liberated. He felt in control. He felt like he had the reigns in his own life. It’s incredibly empowering.
When he learned that maybe it’s a little more realistic than he thought, that dramatically improved the chances that he’d change his behavior for the better.
What does this mean for you?
Many of us today don’t feel in control of our lives and feel like there is a game being played around us.
But what we don’t realize is that it is our mind skewing reality—and the moment we learn to control our mind, we have more control over our reality.
Next time you get into an argument with someone, ask yourself: Is my mind controlling my reality?
You’ll suddenly wake up with this incredible realization that you are much more capable and in control than you think.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-your-mind-sabotages-your-life-and-how-to-stop-it/
A few weeks ago, my aunt was visiting for a family holiday. I hadn’t seen her in a few years so we were catching up, talking about life, and talking about the projects we were each working on.
“So I’m still working on my PhD dissertation,” she said. “It’s really exhausting, you know, having five kids and doing my PhD all while working. It’s just exhausting.”
“And the problem is that these professors are constantly approving or denying my thesis subjects, so I’ll begin to research it and then they tell me I need to switch. It’s like all these people are against me.”
“We’ve also got some debt from our last house that I lost in the divorce and I’m still trying to manage that while….”
She went on for about 15 minutes, without me even being able to say a word, until her husband finally came in and said:
“Karen, stop gettin’ in your own way, will ya? The way you talk is enough to give a sane person a nervous breakdown.”
And that’s when it clicked.
The Secret Enemy Sabotaging Our Lives
Have you ever gone into a job interview and then couldn’t stop replaying the mental image of yourself messing up? (Like telling yourself, “There are tons of more qualified candidates. I don’t know how they’ll find me….”)
Have you ever changed how you treated someone based on what they looked like, before you even knew them? (Like a random salesman coming up to your door?)
Have you ever gotten upset at your spouse over something that, as it turns out, was entirely in your head? (Like blaming her/him for a mess, when it turns out it was the kids?)
If you’ve done one of these things, then you may be falling prey to this secret enemy called your mind.
Why Happiness, Contentment, and Even Success Originate in Our Mind
I’ve learned there’s one thing that holds us back from doing as well as we want: our mind.
When we’re not doing as well as we want, it’s usually because of made-up dramas that happen in our mind all day long.
Like the belief that we can’t be successful and happy.
Or the belief that it takes a lot of money to start a business.
Or the belief that all successful people are highly intelligent prodigies.
Guess what! None of these are facts. They are merely beliefs that hold us back.
Remember my aunt who thought that the whole world was conspiring against her? It took her own husband saying, “Stop getting in your own way!” for her to even remotely realize it wasn’t a “fact,” but merely her own thoughts affecting her behavior.
So what do you do when your mind is getting in your own way?
Whether it’s messing with your relationship, how you view your job, or just preventing you from being happy, there is one key practice you can do.
Ask yourself: Is this really true?
Try to be a little scientist, and ask yourself “Is this really true?” Do it 100 times a day. Try to find experiences or people that contradict this idea in your head. I’ll show you how.
Example #1: The whole world is against me, I can’t find a job, nothing ever works out, and people are untrustworthy.
When I graduated from college, it was during one of the worst times to go looking for a job.
I talked to many people about it, and I usually ended up saying something like this:
Assumption: “The economy is just so bad. All of the jobs are taken and it’s going to be very difficult for me to find any job (let alone a good one). My college degree means nothing, and I’m going to have to work in Starbucks to pay for my bills. The last two job interviews went horribly. Nothing ever works out for me.”
The Question: Is this really true? What would an observer see?
Yes, there are fewer open jobs, based on statistics.
A college degree is useful, but there are many other competitors with college degrees too.
Yes, the past two job interviews didn’t lead to a job.
But I chose to blame the economy instead of figuring out a novel way to find a job (like through personal connections or learning a brand new skill).
I chose to believe that a college degree is the only way to be competitive in a tough job market.
I chose to believe that life had a personal vendetta against me, when in reality, the only objective fact was that I didn’t get the last two jobs I’d interviewed for.
All of these assumptions were poisoning my mind and creating a filter through which I viewed the world.
And all of these things prevented me from doing the only thing that mattered: seeing reality for what it was and taking the next step forward.
Example #2: “In order to get fit, I’ve heard you have to work out two hours a day and just eat lettuce. I could never do that.”
My dad, a guy who is in his late 50s who loves watching MMA (mixed martial arts), figured he should start taking better care of his health. Unfortunately, he had a lot of emotional and mental baggage:
Assumption: “In order to get fit you need to work out two or more hours a day like these MMA guys and just eat super clean. You need iron willpower to never eat sweets and maintain that kind of workout plan. I could never do that. You’ve really got to be in the peak of your life.”
The Question: Is this really true?
The easiest way to find the objective truth for this would be to ask someone who did it.
Fortunately a family friend who is a doctor recently had a success story to compare to:
Do you need to workout two hours a day? “I only worked out forty-five minutes, four times a week.”
Do you need to eat only lettuce? “Actually, I ate plenty of meat, veggies, nuts, and fruits (and wine!), and was rarely hungry.”
Do you need to restrict all the foods you enjoy? “I had one cheat day: it turned out to be Saturdays when I had free-reign on tiramisu and red wine.”
So how do you think my dad’s behavior changed when he learned that his former “belief” was not a fact?
He felt liberated. He felt in control. He felt like he had the reigns in his own life. It’s incredibly empowering.
When he learned that maybe it’s a little more realistic than he thought, that dramatically improved the chances that he’d change his behavior for the better.
What does this mean for you?
Many of us today don’t feel in control of our lives and feel like there is a game being played around us.
But what we don’t realize is that it is our mind skewing reality—and the moment we learn to control our mind, we have more control over our reality.
Next time you get into an argument with someone, ask yourself: Is my mind controlling my reality?
You’ll suddenly wake up with this incredible realization that you are much more capable and in control than you think.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-your-mind-sabotages-your-life-and-how-to-stop-it/
How Death Teaches Us to Live Fully: 7 Enlightening Lessons
Nothing helps you understand the fleeting beauty of life more than death. Nothing helps you understand what is important in life more than death.
And most important are the people in our lives. The connection, the bond, the love, the nurturing, the stories, and the memories that we share.
These are the great gifts of life, and death teaches us to grab hold of them, because we know they won’t last forever.
I thought I knew life but I didn’t, until that day.
The 7 enlightening lessons death can teach you about life:
1. The Power of Love
A few months after my father died I found myself stuck. I was angry that he died and angry that I couldn’t do more to help him. With the loving support of the people in my life, I was able to move past the anger and start to focus on the time we had together.
The power of love saw me through those dark days.
If you’re struggling after the death of a loved one, reach out for support and pay homage to your loss by letting your love shine. Although they are no longer with us, our loved ones live on in our hearts, our minds, and our dreams.
Love is universal and transcendent; it knows no boundaries and reaches far beyond the physicality of this world.
2. The Power of Impermanence
Have you ever experienced a loss and felt like you were losing control? You desperately try to pull in the reigns, but you can’t.
We all like to have a sense of control, and a certain degree is important in terms of our survival. If we don’t organize our lives, follow rules, and work within the structure of society, we’ll find ourselves in a state of chaos.
When someone dies, you realize that life is not permanent and that nothing will last forever no matter how much control you try to exert. This is actually what makes it so profound.
Life is like a rainbow. The light and rain form its beauty, and then it fades. The gold is the shared journey and the profound expression of our lives.
3. The Power of Acceptance
The grieving process is difficult.
I remember being in denial and saying things like, “I can’t believe it’s true.” I spent a lot of time being mad at the world and myself.
I bargained by thinking “If only I’d done this” and “I should have done that.” The void of depression took the form of, “I am so sad; I’ll never get past this.”
And finally, I accepted that he was gone and I needed to move forward.
During this process I resisted the reality of my loss. The stages of grief gave me time to come to grips and handle what had happened.
Ultimately, the resistance melted and I was able to lean into life again. You can’t move forward without acceptance.
4. The Power of Transformation
Loss and struggle hold the seeds of transformation. I don’t think anybody wants to experience pain. I know I sure don’t.
But as I have experienced loss and struggle in my life, I have noticed a pattern: I get stronger, and the seeds of that struggle result in growth.
Life is a continual process of struggle, transformation, and growth. Although it may not always seem obvious, if you look at growth you can always trace it back to the struggle that preceded it.
You may be hurting now but something good is on the horizon.
5. The Power of Awareness
It is possible to go through long periods of life without ever expanding our consciousness.
Prior to my father’s death, my conscious awareness was limited. I was in a safe, secure bubble, casually going about my life.
I didn’t question life and I didn’t question the choices I made. I was not fully aware; I was not on purpose. I did not have a sense that my time was limited, nor did I get that life was a gift.
Death can initiate the process of expanding your awareness, because it challenges you to question your view of life itself and what you do with yours.
6. The Power of Presence
So much of life is consumed by the struggle to survive and compete.
I spend most of my time trying to cover my family’s basic needs, striving to succeed, and wading through the bombardment of materialism.
When I find myself getting distracted by the “stuff” in my life, I try to take a step back and focus on the warmer, more soulful parts of me that make me feel alive and present. I take time to get away from the noise and distractions, and focus on spending time with the people in my life.
The paradox of death is that it points to what it means to be alive. Aliveness has to do with experience, connection, and full expression. What makes your feel alive and present?
7. The Power of Connection
Have you ever stepped outside your ego and connected to something bigger than you?
When you’re on purpose or following your calling you are guided internally, and yet you are also connecting to something beyond you.
This is the experience I think most of us would like to have, but we get stuck in our ego-based thinking.
Life events like death humble us and open us up to the possibility of waking up and stepping outside our ego. This gives us a chance to connect to something bigger than ourselves and do what is truly important.
–
Death is powerfully enlightening, but you don’t have to wait for someone to die to change the way you live.
Each day you have an opportunity to create a life with purpose and meaning. Commit to being fully alive and expressing your highest self.
Life is brief. Use it to spread a little stardust.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-death-teaches-us-to-live-fully-7-enlightening-lessons/
And most important are the people in our lives. The connection, the bond, the love, the nurturing, the stories, and the memories that we share.
These are the great gifts of life, and death teaches us to grab hold of them, because we know they won’t last forever.
I thought I knew life but I didn’t, until that day.
The 7 enlightening lessons death can teach you about life:
1. The Power of Love
A few months after my father died I found myself stuck. I was angry that he died and angry that I couldn’t do more to help him. With the loving support of the people in my life, I was able to move past the anger and start to focus on the time we had together.
The power of love saw me through those dark days.
If you’re struggling after the death of a loved one, reach out for support and pay homage to your loss by letting your love shine. Although they are no longer with us, our loved ones live on in our hearts, our minds, and our dreams.
Love is universal and transcendent; it knows no boundaries and reaches far beyond the physicality of this world.
2. The Power of Impermanence
Have you ever experienced a loss and felt like you were losing control? You desperately try to pull in the reigns, but you can’t.
We all like to have a sense of control, and a certain degree is important in terms of our survival. If we don’t organize our lives, follow rules, and work within the structure of society, we’ll find ourselves in a state of chaos.
When someone dies, you realize that life is not permanent and that nothing will last forever no matter how much control you try to exert. This is actually what makes it so profound.
Life is like a rainbow. The light and rain form its beauty, and then it fades. The gold is the shared journey and the profound expression of our lives.
3. The Power of Acceptance
The grieving process is difficult.
I remember being in denial and saying things like, “I can’t believe it’s true.” I spent a lot of time being mad at the world and myself.
I bargained by thinking “If only I’d done this” and “I should have done that.” The void of depression took the form of, “I am so sad; I’ll never get past this.”
And finally, I accepted that he was gone and I needed to move forward.
During this process I resisted the reality of my loss. The stages of grief gave me time to come to grips and handle what had happened.
Ultimately, the resistance melted and I was able to lean into life again. You can’t move forward without acceptance.
4. The Power of Transformation
Loss and struggle hold the seeds of transformation. I don’t think anybody wants to experience pain. I know I sure don’t.
But as I have experienced loss and struggle in my life, I have noticed a pattern: I get stronger, and the seeds of that struggle result in growth.
Life is a continual process of struggle, transformation, and growth. Although it may not always seem obvious, if you look at growth you can always trace it back to the struggle that preceded it.
You may be hurting now but something good is on the horizon.
5. The Power of Awareness
It is possible to go through long periods of life without ever expanding our consciousness.
Prior to my father’s death, my conscious awareness was limited. I was in a safe, secure bubble, casually going about my life.
I didn’t question life and I didn’t question the choices I made. I was not fully aware; I was not on purpose. I did not have a sense that my time was limited, nor did I get that life was a gift.
Death can initiate the process of expanding your awareness, because it challenges you to question your view of life itself and what you do with yours.
6. The Power of Presence
So much of life is consumed by the struggle to survive and compete.
I spend most of my time trying to cover my family’s basic needs, striving to succeed, and wading through the bombardment of materialism.
When I find myself getting distracted by the “stuff” in my life, I try to take a step back and focus on the warmer, more soulful parts of me that make me feel alive and present. I take time to get away from the noise and distractions, and focus on spending time with the people in my life.
The paradox of death is that it points to what it means to be alive. Aliveness has to do with experience, connection, and full expression. What makes your feel alive and present?
7. The Power of Connection
Have you ever stepped outside your ego and connected to something bigger than you?
When you’re on purpose or following your calling you are guided internally, and yet you are also connecting to something beyond you.
This is the experience I think most of us would like to have, but we get stuck in our ego-based thinking.
Life events like death humble us and open us up to the possibility of waking up and stepping outside our ego. This gives us a chance to connect to something bigger than ourselves and do what is truly important.
–
Death is powerfully enlightening, but you don’t have to wait for someone to die to change the way you live.
Each day you have an opportunity to create a life with purpose and meaning. Commit to being fully alive and expressing your highest self.
Life is brief. Use it to spread a little stardust.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-death-teaches-us-to-live-fully-7-enlightening-lessons/
“If I’m performing sacrifices on a particular day, I’m more likely to report feeling more committed to my partner, but the thing is, that positive effect really depends on what the rest of my day was like. So if I was doing sacrifices on a day when I felt really stressed out or had a lot of hassling experiences, then that beneficial effect no longer holds.”
Bottom line: It’s really important for both people in a relationship to try to reduce daily hassles. Sacrifices are good and help us feel more committed on days when we’re feeling relatively hassle-free. On days where we’ve had a lot of hassles, however, the small sacrifices we have to make can become construed as an additional hassle that can lead to resentment.
http://spr.sagepub.com/content/suppl/2013/04/25/0265407512472475.DC1/Relationship_Matters_Podcast_Number_22.mp3
Bottom line: It’s really important for both people in a relationship to try to reduce daily hassles. Sacrifices are good and help us feel more committed on days when we’re feeling relatively hassle-free. On days where we’ve had a lot of hassles, however, the small sacrifices we have to make can become construed as an additional hassle that can lead to resentment.
http://spr.sagepub.com/content/suppl/2013/04/25/0265407512472475.DC1/Relationship_Matters_Podcast_Number_22.mp3
The Dependency Paradox
John Bowlby himself said it best: "Paradoxically, the healthy personality when viewed in this light proves by no means as independent as cultural stereotypes suppose. Essential ingredients are a capacity to rely trustingly on others when occasion demands and to know on whom it is appropriate to rely."5
When I teach relationships research to my students, I especially emphasize this point: if you feel comfortable depending on others (and having others depend on you) that goes hand in hand with independence, motivation, curiosity, achievement, and general mental health.
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/5/14/the-dependency-paradox.html
When I teach relationships research to my students, I especially emphasize this point: if you feel comfortable depending on others (and having others depend on you) that goes hand in hand with independence, motivation, curiosity, achievement, and general mental health.
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/5/14/the-dependency-paradox.html
Meditation
Meditation is also one of the most powerful tools you can use to manage your mind, reduce stress and create a sense of well being.
Meditation is like a mini mind vacation from your thoughts. The act of meditating allows one to step outside of our thoughts.
If you’ve ever had a racing mind, a knee jerk reaction, negative thoughts, limiting thinking, or destructive patterns then you can appreciate and embrace the value of being liberated from your thoughts for a time.
As you practice meditating you will begin to be able to manage your thoughts and attention and create the necessary space to manage you thoughts instead of your thoughts managing you. This is expansion in awareness and consciousness. As Buddha said, “What we think, we become”.
There are many forms of meditation but the simplest way to get started is to sit for a few minutes in a quiet space and observe your breath for 6 counts in and 6 counts out.
When I’m going through times that are confusing, overwhelming or super busy I feel drawn to the orange realm and feel a real sense of peace and harmony when I meditate.
Why not liberate yourself from your thoughts for a time and cultivate those happy molecules : )
http://rainbowframework.com/the-1-tool-for-mind-management/
“When you look around at the six people that you spend the most time with, that’s who you are. I think that in making those decisions in who you are going to be married to, who your friends are going to be, those are really huge, critical, life decisions. Who gets to talk to you everyday, is almost like the food that you eat. It is a very huge critical situation to choose who the people are that you are spending your life with, spending your time with and who you are choosing to give your love and everything to.”
http://rollingout.com/entertainment/will-smith-explains-his-love-for-jada-marriage-cannot-be-a-prison/
http://rollingout.com/entertainment/will-smith-explains-his-love-for-jada-marriage-cannot-be-a-prison/
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The Power of Words
From Rick Ross to Lil Wayne, rappers are catching flack about their socially insensitive lyrics. But when do words cross the line and should lyrics be policed?
Van Jones and Winona LaDuke on “Zero Injustice: Redefining Sustainability”
I was here and it was awesome
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