“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Dr. Anthony Robins
1. Pay attention to your morning routine.
How we start our day affects how the rest of our activities unfold. Set your alarm for fifteen minutes earlier (don’t worry—I’ll make it up on the backend in tip #5).
Before you get out of bed, take a couple of breaths and say something positive. For example, “Another day. Another chance for a fresh start.” When you find yourself rushing throughout the day, remind yourself “there is enough time.”
2. Get in touch with your anger.
Do the following exercise when you have at least thirty minutes of uninterrupted time.
Find a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes and think of what your anger looks like. What color or images do you see? Where in your body do you store anger? Pay attention to body temperature, clinched fists, heart rate, muscle tension, and butterflies in your stomach.
Practice deep breaths throughout this exercise, and take a break if the feelings become too intense.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Pick up a notepad and jot down all your angry thoughts.
Don’t overthink this—keep the stream of thoughts flowing without editing your responses. Spend at least five minutes recording what, where, when, and around whom you feel most angry.
Read the list and decide what are your three biggest anger triggers and/or situations. Make a circle around the top three.
On another sheet of paper, write three strategies for remedying each one.
For example: Problem #1:
I can’t stand my job.
Strategies:
Update my resume by Friday at noon.
Contact two people and network about possible job openings by Thursday at 5:00 pm.
Call my mentor today and invite her to lunch in exchange for business ideas. (Pick up the tab).
Repeat this exercise frequently, and don’t worry if some of the same issues show up. Problem-solving takes practice and patience.
3. Unplug.
Technology encourages us to react quickly. The minute we get that text or feel the phone vibration, we’re racing to respond. Reacting impulsively is a trigger for angry outbursts. Set aside time each day to be free from checking email, social media sites, and text messaging.
4. Train your mind to respond slower.
Think, speak, drive, text, listen, cook, eat, and walk slower. When you slow down, you’ll feel more in control of your options and your inner life.
Leave post-it reminders on the computer, your car dashboard, and your front door. Our brains are not trained to remember many things, so write it down.
5. Sleep on it!
Honestly, if I had to choose just one option to manage anger, it would be getting sufficient sleep. Sleep deprivation is a huge culprit in negative moods, including anxiety and depression.
Commit to going to bed earlier during the week. It’s nearly impossible to make calm, measured, responsible choices if you can barely keep your eyes open.
Bottom line: You have everything you need to change. With daily commitment, practice, and patience, you’ll increase problem-solving abilities so you can manage your anger, rather than have your anger manage you.
Remember, living in the past causes depression. Living in the future causes anxiety. Living in the here-and-now enables you to make healthy choices to increase emotional well-being.
And the future begins now.
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