Why Pursuing Pleasure Is The Emotional Equivalent Of Eating Empty Calories

The Greek word for happiness is eudaimonia. “Eu” means good, or well-being, and “daimon” refers to the spirit. For Aristotle, eudaimonia was the ultimate good, obtained by virtue and insight.


Connectedness and purpose are what it’s all about, really. When we're virtuous, we have or demonstrate integrity to some greater purpose. When we have insight, we inevitably experience the interconnectedness of all things. We have a sense of ourselves as part of something bigger. That big thing could be the astounding pulsing rhythm of this biological planet, or something out there in the stratosphere. That part doesn't matter. What matters is the sense of well-being we humans derive from meaning, purpose, belief, and connection.

So, I’ve invited myself to play with words and create a new narrative that reflects my understanding (informed by science, philosophy and contemplative traditions) of the purpose of life and the ultimate of aspirations. Like Aristotle (and my cells) I’m pointing my compass toward eudaimonia, toward living with insight, virtue and purpose and to “flourish” alongside those I share this planet with.

And how do I conclude my morning meditation practice? “May all beings be well in spirit.”

:-)

"Needs are personal prerequisites to happiness."

~Beautifully spoken~


But I’ll bet that, on a soul level, you don’t need a cooler car, a bigger ring, whiter teeth, or more parties.

What do you need then? Answering this question can be one of the most powerful transformations of your life.

It was for me. After that class, I started paying attention to my needs; and very slowly, I began attending to them.

I needed to embrace my introverted nature instead of ignoring it or boozing it out at parties every weekend. I needed alone time—space to dream, think, and be. I needed peace and quiet. Deep conversation. The freedom to spend a Friday night in without guilt.

Being aware of my needs was making room for me to actually start taking care of them.

“The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.

-Eckhart Tolle

What Matters Is the Choice You Make Right Now

Those changes are the result of changing my inner monologue from, “Why did I make such bad choices?” to “What’s the best choice I can make now?”

The biggest difference between me now and me then is that I no longer sit alone in shame, compounding negative feelings with self-judgment, which only keeps me feeling stuck.

I accept that I am human, and that a part of that is going through highs and lows. I know I will go through tough times, and I know I can bounce back when I do, even if it takes a while.

I have learned that we are not powerless. It may not always seem like it, but we have a say in what happens—and when events seem beyond our control, we have a say in how we respond to them.

That’s all we can ever control, and that’s what really matters: the choice we make right now.

Simple Life Strategy: 5 Life Lessons from the Dalai Lama | Sydney 2013 Event

1. Be compassionate. Remember that compassion is good for your health and stress, fear and anger will literally eat up your immune system. Choose compassion over negative feelings.

2. Find your own inner peace. As his holiness said: “Global change must come from individuals and world peace must come from inner peace”. Realise that you can make a difference by starting with yourself.

3. Be happy. Instead of grappling with complex Questions like “Why am I here?” simply focus on being happy and the rest will fall into place.

4. Be a good human being. Avoid feelings of regret when you reach the end of your life by being a good human being. Sounds obvious – but you’d be surprised how easy it can be to get caught up in other unimportant things.

5. Practice forgiveness. Know that forgiveness does not mean accepting the other person’s wrongdoing – it is simply a way of respecting your own physical health enough to not allow negative feelings to cause you harm.

7 Pieces Of Advice I Wish I'd Known When I Was Younger

Along the way, I discovered the source of my unhappiness. It was the fact that I was ignoring my inner voice and refusing to ask myself, “What do I really want?” If I could have seen my future-self back then, well, I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different.

Here's what I wish I would have known.

1. Every ending is the beginning of something much better.

Let go of the situation, the pain and your expectations. That person who broke your heart is a blessing, as well as a lesson. You've grown, and this ending is preparing you for something much grander. Be open to the unknown; it's filled with magic and miracles. Everything is in its right order, and something much better is on its way to you.

2. You can love what you do for a living.

You don't ever have to stay in a situation that hurts your spirit. If you don't like your job, you CAN walk away. As soon as you do, the universe will swoop in and show you a new opportunity. Trust the unknown. Allow yourself to dream and to imagine a life beyond even your wildest dreams. You can love what you do for a living!

3. The journey is the reward — there is no destination.

Let go of the “there.” Your focus on the future is keeping you out of the moment, and you're not really living your life. The journey is where the magic happens. The destination is right here, right now.

4. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Stop being a victim, and thinking that life happens to you. You have the power to change anything in your life. If you don't like something, then get up your courage and change it. You're more powerful than you ever give yourself credit for. You, my younger self, can move mountains and change your fate when you're truly ready and willing.

5. You are beautiful.

My dear one, you spend far too much time thinking about your weight, the number on the scale, and food. The number on the scale does not define who you are.

Food is not the enemy, and your body will one day be your best friend. Don't be so hard on yourself! You’re much more beautiful than you will ever give yourself credit for, and your weight is not who you are, nor will it ever define or limit your greatness.

6. What people say is a reflection of them, not you.

You spend far too much time asking what other people think, and listening to them. You allow their opinions to become your own. Know that what they say and do has nothing to do with you.

7. This too shall pass.

Change is the only constant in life; clinging to anything is what causes suffering and unhappiness. What ails you at the moment does not need to define you. You are not your problems. What seems traumatic and life changing today will be a fond memory tomorrow. This too shall pass!

And remember, no matter what you're going through right now, tomorrow is a new day and it always works out in the end.

Those self-help email subscriptions? There when I need em!

Thankful.




Socrates believed that human choice was motivated by the desire for happiness, ultimate wisdom comes from knowing oneself and the more a person knows, the greater his or her ability to reason and make choices that will bring true happiness.

Read each quote slowly and soak up the learnings from a man with a truly great mind.

AWESOME FIND TODAY

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, suggests that people who have more self-compassion lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. Plus, the feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable.

Science of Happiness Research

5/28/13

One way to build up your savoring skill and boost your mood is to engage in techniques that distract you from your worries and help you avoid overthinking.

40% of your happiness is within your control!

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Be true to yourself, live authentically, and happiness will shine on you like the sun.

Lean into Your Life While You Can

“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.” ~Unknown

I was standing there crying harder than I had ever cried before in my life. I was so emotionally moved that I totally lost control and was even drooling. It’s a good thing I was wearing a surgical mask.

I was witnessing my wife giving birth to our first-born child.

A nurse had to remind me to take pictures when she saw me standing there with a camera in my hand, crying more than a…well, a baby. It was the happiest moment of my life. I felt joy with a touch of relief and a sense of responsibility toward my wife and son.

It was the most intense rush of emotions I had ever experienced, until…

Fast-forward a year minus five days later. I experienced the saddest and most difficult feelings of my life. It was the same intensity of emotions I felt when my son was born, but it was pure sadness, grief, and emptiness I felt.

I was standing in a small room in a different hospital in a different section. A large man opened a freezer door and rolled out a body wrapped in white sheets. He opened the sheets while I stood there in disbelief. A few seconds later, I began crying uncontrollably.

I was looking at my dead father (even writing this sentence hurts).

His nose was a little wrinkled to the side from the pressure of the sheets. I turned around and walked toward the wall weeping uncontrollably. I wanted it to be a bad dream, but it wasn’t.

My cousin embraced me as I cried more. I turned back around and asked the large man to wait, because I wanted to see my father again. I stood there looking at him, hoping silently he would say it was all a huge mistake. I would have forgiven the hospital if that had been the case. But it wasn’t.

Later when we were burying him, he still didn’t wake. I knew it was silly, but I had hope.

A Changed Perspective On Life

These two experiences had a huge impact on me. For one, they triggered the most intense emotions I’ve ever felt. They also gave me a new perspective on life.

Redefined Priorities

Having a son changed my priorities. I resolved to do anything and everything to ensure he has the happiest life possible.

I choose to shower him with unconditional love, protect him from harm until he can fend for himself, teach and guide him so he can navigate his way through life, and open doors for him so he has choices and possibilities.

Most importantly, I savor every moment I have with him. I decided to balance life and work better. Although work is important, it will not come at the expense of people I love. Working 15-hour days no longer makes sense.

Life is Transient; Make it Worthwhile

Losing my father made me realize how transient life is. He was a figure of strength for me when I was a child. I assumed he would always be there. Time passed and now he’s gone.

His death reminded me to live a meaningful life. It reinforced my resolve to savor it. When my time comes, it won’t be the material possessions that I will miss. It will be the people I love and the experiences I had with them.

I choose to go after my dreams rather than just think about them and waiting for the right moment. Whenever I catch myself hesitating, I choose to either get started or drop it and pursue something else. Hesitation is not an option.

I realized that I don’t necessarily have to risk it all and drop everything to pursue my dreams. That might work for some, but I don’t want to subject my family to the hardship of the dip until things work out.

The journey can be longer. The important thing is to keep moving toward it and savoring the trip along the way.

Lean Into Life

I realized we have three choices in how we approach life and life’s events: we can either go with the flow (i.e. lean back), walk away (quit), or make the most of it (lean in).

I decided to lean into life and things I choose to pursue. Instead of just going with the flow, I choose to set course toward something worthwhile to me and fight for it when I face resistance. Something I’m good at (I will get good at it if I wasn’t already). Something that fits my values. Something I love so much that I lose track of time while doing it.

I choose to do things I’m proud of. I choose to read and learn new things that will light my way and fuel my mind.

Choose To Be Happy

I choose to help others even if they don’t ask for it. I choose to take care of myself. I choose to be around people who add to my life and ignore those who don’t. I choose to experiment with new things and constantly evolve my self, my life, and my work. I make time for my hobbies.

I choose to breathe and relax when I’m stressed about something. In good and bad times, I remind myself that “this too shall pass” and focus on what I can control.

Focus On What’s There, Not What’s Missing

I enjoy the moments I have with my son. I watch him every night while he sleeps. I kiss his chubby feet and play with his toes as he giggles. I relish the rare moments when he settles down and sits on my lap. I savor the moments when he wraps his hand around my finger.

I also cherish the good memories I have of my dad. I feel warmth and joy each time I do.

I encourage you to do the same and lean into life. Prioritize what’s important in your life. Pursue and protect your dreams. Nurture your relationships with people who matter to you. Don’t waste energy on what isn’t important. You can start today

"remember to enjoy stress, enjoy the rush, work my hardest and most enthusiastically in the moment and offload thoughts about managing outcomes (they are already managed by doing the work, it’s extra pain and mental and emotional RAM wasted)"

For staying positive/fulfilled in the longer term, i've come up with a loose system over the last three years or so. For a long time i struggled with whether to deal with negative emotions biologically or emotionally. Couldn't figure out if happiness was about seratonin levels, money and cars, or being one with the universe. As all polar conflicts tend to go, the answer was somewhere in the middle.
I now use a really basic system to understand why and how i feel good and bad and how to change it. There are two important and inseparable aspects of long term happiness: a thriving brain-body, and emotional fulfillment.

1. Biology

You need your biology to feel positive emotions. Your thoughts and feelings can all be boiled down to neurons firing and chemicals moving around. Any time you feel anything good or bad its happening because of your body. You are your body. No matter how happy you should be, if you cant muster up enough seratonin (oversimplification) you'll feel like depressed shit on the street.

Those days or moments when you feel bad for no reason are usually a result of some kind of wackiness in your homeostasis. And even when you can think of ten reasons to feel depressed (especially if they're broad and existential) they can be completely the result of momentary deficiencies in brain and body health. And if there is a real external reason for bad feelings, biology can make it a 1,000 times worse. Imagine the difference between a creditor hounding you for money you don't have after green tea, meditation, and a big healthy breakfast, and a creditor calling you 2/3 of your way into a meth bender (an extreme example to emphasize the point, but the concept is constantly happening on a subtler level.)

BUT, even if your buzzing on a perfect homeostasis, you can still be unhappy, especially in the long run. Thats where emotional fulfillment comes in.

2. Emotional fulfillment

You have emotional needs. Theres tons of theories on how and why they got there (evolution, culture, ideology, god, personality) and how to categorize them (maslow, psychology, love, ego, altruism, selfishness, yada yada) but what matters is that they're there and you need to fulfill them to feel happy.

The best way i've found to quickly and efficiently analyze how to fulfill those needs is best described by what either jake or austin said a couple weeks ago: "how do i feel about what i do?" (Or how will i feel or how am i feeling). Ask that question as often as possible, in reflection on future improvement and during real time decision making and try to answer with as thick and heavy honesty as possible. The better you feel about what you do the more fulfilled you'll be. Its a great way to analyze happiness because it doesn't rely on anything external or out of your control.

It can get complicated when trying to figure out if you should alter what you do or alter how you feel about it. But giving my brain this type of simple straightforward framing makes it MUCH less complicated, and makes the solution usually come easier and faster.

Whats also important to remember is that you almost always think within these types of systems. And the more you think in a particular one the more automatic and default it becomes. So engineering them on purpose and with clear headed intentions can provide a huge amount of positive change for comparably small effort.

10 Instant Energy Boosts To Help You Beat Stress

1. Breathe deeply.

Sit down and close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and out of your nostrils. If you follow your breath with your attention, you can slow your thoughts and mind down. Breathing deeply brings more oxygen into your cells, flushing your brain and body with instant energy. Think of this as a simple, yet very powerful and effective form of meditation.

2. Stretch yourself happy.

Stretch your body slowly with gentleness, kindness and love. With each stretching movement you make, celebrate your body: Notice your wrists, your arms, your neck, your spine, your legs, your ankles and your knees. Bring attention to your neck by dropping your left ear towards your left shoulder, then releasing your right ear towards your right shoulder until you find space opening up in your neck and upper shoulder area. Repeat the stretch a few times then drop your chin down to your chest.

3. Treat yourself with self-massage.

When you're mentally and emotionally stressed, that stress is also being held in your physical body. It can be helpful to release this tightness using self-massage. Begin by gently massaging your body with your fingertips and hands. Typically the body parts most affected by stress are the back, shoulders, legs, arms, face, eyes and jaw. Start massaging these parts of your body to help you identify where stress lives in your body.

4. Smile a big smile.

Start with a tiny smile, then let your smile spread widely across your face. Smile the biggest smile you can! Notice how your body responds. Feel your eyes smiling and all the muscles in your face smiling. Breathe this big happy smile all the way into your center. Close your eyes and drink in this new state: the relaxed, happy and peaceful feeling. Feel yourself feeling happy, grounded and centered.

5. Give yourself a vitamin D boost.

Get a natural vitamin D injection by sitting in the sunshine for a few minutes. Feel the warmth of the sunshine, naturally dissolving away stress, tension and tightness in your body and in your life.

6. Inspire yourself.

An easy way to inspire yourself is to surround yourself with positive support, inspiration and motivation. Watch an inspiring video, read an uplifting story or listen to a motivating speech. Another idea is to reconnect with a positive person who inspires you. Notice that it's very hard (if not impossible!) to feel stressed and inspired both at the same time. So, keep yourself tuned in to your inspirational stories, videos and audios until the stress releases.

7. Play your favorite music.

When you listen to your favorite music, something magical happens. Let yourself move and sing to your favorite songs. Music has an amazing ability to help reconnect you back to yourself, allowing healing to happen easily, naturally and effortlessly. Get into a nice comfortable place, perhaps sitting or lying down, and put on your favorite music and just Imagine your stress melting away, just melting, melting, melting.

8. Do some circle work.

Slowly, with intention, roll your shoulders back and down in a slow, circular motion. Slow everything down and notice how your breath deepens naturally. Feel the spaciousness in your body expand, particularly around your shoulders, chest and heart area as you do this. Consciously imagine opening up even more into this area of your body. Bring your shoulders back into a neutral place, then repeat another five times (more if you have the time and desire). With each shoulder circle that you do, imagine your stress just releasing naturally out of your body.

9. Laugh out loud.

When you laugh out loud, good vibes are able to move through your body, flushing away old energy blocks, along with feelings of stress and frustrations. Your inner child likes nothing more than having fun, so this is a perfect excuse to watch that comedy you've been wanting to see or get together with a good friend who makes you laugh. With each time that you laugh, just imagine laughing at your stress and sending it far, far away. Let the healing vibrations of your laughter move fluidly through your body, transforming stress into pure joy, positivity and optimism.

10. Make your favorite smoothie.

And, if you’ve tried all of these ideas and are still looking for more inspiration to feel better, there's nothing like getting in the kitchen and creating a delicious and healthy smoothie. This is a surefire way to relieve stress and make yourself feel good again! Here’s one of my favorite smoothie recipes: In a high-speed blender, blend 1-2 frozen bananas, 1 1/2 cups chilled, non-dairy milk (or equivalent freshly squeezed juice/water), a generous handful of frozen berries and 1 teaspoon each of cinnamon and pure vanilla essence. Blend together and when thoroughly mixed, pour into a lush cocktail glass and decorate with fresh berries on top. Sip and enjoy ... Mmm!

It's possible to relieve stress naturally. Stress really can be an energy thief, one that robs you of your precious life force, but you don’t have to let it be so.

Connecting with your inner wisdom and strength will help you to naturally transform your stress into new energy, courage and confidence so that you can feel better instantly!

**Eat, Smoke, Meditate: Why Your Brain Cares How You Cope**

Last year, a Harvard study confirmed that there’s a clear connection between mind wandering and unhappiness. Not only did the study find that if you’re awake, your mind is wandering almost half the time, it also found that this wandering is linked to a less happy state. (You can actually use the iPhone app used in the study to track your own happiness.) This is not surprising, since when your mind is wandering, it’s not generally to the sweet things in your life: More likely, it’s to thoughts like why your electric bill was so high, why your boss was rude to you today, or why your ex-husband is being so difficult.

Another study found that mind wandering is linked to activation of network of brain cells called the default mode network (DMN), which is active not when we’re doing high-level processing, but when we’re drifting about in “self-referential” thoughts

Meditation is an interesting method for increasing one’s sense of happiness because not only has it stood the test of time, but it’s also been tested quite extensively in the lab. Part of the effect of mindfulness meditation is to quiet the mind by acknowledging non-judgmentally and then relinquishing (rather than obsessing about) unhappy or stress-inducing thoughts.

New research by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD and his group at Yale University has found that experienced meditators not only report less mind wandering during meditation, but actually have markedly decreased activity in their DMN. Earlier research had shown that meditators have less activity in regions governing thoughts about the self, like the medial prefrontal cortex: Brewer says that what’s likely going on in experienced meditators is that these “‘me’ centers of the brain are being deactivated.”

They also found that when the brain’s “me” centers were activated, meditators also co-activated areas important in self-monitoring and cognitive control, which may indicate that they are on the constant lookout for “me” thoughts or mind-wandering – and when their minds do wander, they bring them back to the present moment. Even better, meditators not only did this during meditation, but when not being told to do anything in particular. This suggests that they may have formed a new default mode: one that is more present-centered (and less “me”-centered), no matter what they are doing.

So is being happy all about shifting our tendency away from focus on ourselves? Research in other areas, like neurotheology (literally the neurology of religion), suggests that there may be something to this. Andy Newberg, MD at the University of Pennsylvania has found that both in meditating monks and in praying nuns, areas of the brain important in concentration and attention were activated, while areas that govern how a person relates to the external world were deactivated. These findings may suggest that for people who practice meditation or prayer, the focus becomes less on the self as a distinct entity from the external world, and more on connection between the two. This reflects the idea discussed earlier where shifting attention from inside to outside is at least part of what quells unhappiness.

What about using other tools like cigarettes, food, or alcohol, as a method for finding pleasure and calming the mind? Don’t these things take a person outside of him or herself, and move the focus from the inner world of stressful thoughts to something outside, or “other”? Looking forward to the next hit of caffeine, nicotine, or coke might seem like a valid method of moving attention from the inside to the outside, but if you look closer, it actually intensifies the unpleasantness.

Brewer uses the example of smoking to illustrate why addiction fuels negative thoughts rather than abates them. In addition to the pleasurable associations, smoking actually creates a negative feedback loop, where you are linking stress and craving with the oh-so-good act of smoking. So whenever you experience a negative emotion, craving returns and intensifies over time, so that you are actually even less happy than before. A cigarette may quiet the mind temporarily – during the act of smoking – but in between cigarettes is where things get bad, because craving creeps in. Though we’re using craving as the example, unhappiness, self-referential thoughts, or everyday worries can all be substituted in.

Substituting a carrot stick or other behavior for your actual craving (or other form of unhappiness) is a typical method of treatment, but it doesn’t often work, says Brewer, because the feedback loop is still there. Addressing the process itself with other methods (like meditation), which allow you to ride out the craving/unhappiness by attending to it and accepting it, and then letting it go, has been more successful, because it actually breaks the cycle rather than masks it.

So if you’re dealing with unhappiness of any kind, whether it’s every day worries, or more severe depression or anxiety, the method you choose for coping matters. Finding one that solves the problem – breaking the cycle, rather than masking it – is crucial.

What type of coping method do you use?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2011/09/21/eat-smoke-meditate-why-your-brain-cares-how-you-cope/

4/29/13

Shakti Mantras: Tapping into the Great Goddess Energy Within

** thank you for speaking to me today **

Being true to yourself is what completes you.

These messages about what we're "supposed to do" create a ton of anxiety for us because they make us to believe we're doing something wrong! We've missed the boat if we don't follow the path, or if we follow it and aren't happy. Either way, we're screwed.

Luckily, this isn't the ultimate reality.

Happiness is listening to your truth and following through. It's saying "F-it!" to The Path, and deciding to make your own road. Happiness is definitely a little renegade. It's not always what others want for you; it's not always the most popular route.

But hear this: it is the ONLY route.

You can't find happiness by living someone else's dream. Including the general dream of society. Happiness is finding your own dream.

Seek your own version of happiness. Drop into your heart, listen to what it has to say, be brave, and go for it. You'll find your way. I promise.

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh