An odd by-product of giving freely out of compassion and love is how it makes the giver feel. The more you give from a place of unconditional generosity, the more joy you feel. Giving makes you realize how much power you have to make others feel better about themselves and their lives.
Go out and give whatever you have to whoever needs it. Seek ordinary moments and make them extraordinary. Life truly is a special occasion.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-giving-to-others-is-also-giving-to-ourselves/
Showing posts with label self-love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-love. Show all posts
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Self-compassion
Guilt may have its place in courtrooms, but my verdict is the real answer lies in compassion and gentleness—starting with yourself.
“While the motivational power of self-criticism comes from fear of self-punishment, the motivational power of self-compassion comes from the desire to be healthy, to reduce our suffering.”
3 Ideas to Create Compassion for Yourself
Throughout the last ten years of her research, Kristin Neff has found three main ways to generate more compassion for yourself.
1. Be kind to yourself
The best way to think about being kind to yourself is to think about a friend.
Go ahead. Do it now. Visualize your best friend.
Now imagine she comes to you and says she is hurting because she was passed over for that promotion at work that she’s wanted for so long.
Would you say to her, “Well, it’s probably because you didn’t work hard enough. And you’re too mousy. You should have spoken up about wanting a promotion a long time ago.”
What? You wouldn’t say that to a friend? Would you say it to yourself?
It’s more likely that you would hug your friend and say, “Oh no! That’s terrible. I know how long you’ve been hoping to get that promotion. Come on, let’s go get some coffee and talk about it?”
You can be kind to yourself in this way, too. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who is suffering.
Just as you would hug your friend, soothe yourself as well. Put your hands over your heart or locate the spot in your body where your hurt is hiding and gently place both hands there.
Speak kindly to yourself. Call yourself by an endearing name.
“Oh, honey. I’m hurting because I wanted that promotion so badly. This is a really hard place to be in right now.”
2. Embrace your common humanity
Many times when you criticize or judge yourself, you feel isolated. It seems as though you are the only one in the world who has that particular flaw.
And yet, we are all imperfect. We all suffer. And so we are all connected by our shared humanity.
One of the wonderful outcomes of self-compassion is our enhanced sense of belonging, the feeling that we are all in this together.
The next time you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, remember that you are an integral part of a flawed, wonderful, wounded, miraculous human tribe.
3. Be mindful
How will you know that you are suffering if you are repressing your pain, rationalizing it, or busy with problem-solving?
You must allow awareness of your pain to enter in. Being mindful is about noticing what is happening in the moment and having no judgment about it.
Notice your hurt and just be with it, compassionately and with kindness.
And note that trying to make pain go away with self-compassion is just another way to repress pain and hurt. Self-compassion is about being with your suffering in a kind, loving way, not about making suffering disappear.
We will always have pain. But as Shinzen Young has noted: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. The more you resist your pain, perhaps by trying to make it go away, the more suffering you will experience.
Mindfulness allows you to stay with the pain without the resistance.
Near the end of the workshop, Kristin led us through one last exercise called “Soften, soothe, allow.” It combines all three of the components listed above to help generate self-compassion.
After thinking about a difficulty we have, Kristin directed us to find the place in our bodies that held our problem and then place our hands on it.
I placed both of my hands gently over my heart.
Then, we were encouraged just to be with our pain—not try to rid ourselves of it—and allow kindness and compassion to surround it.
As I sat meditating on something I have always considered to be a character flaw, tears arose under my closed eyelids and soon splashed down my face.
It was the first time I had ever felt kindness for myself about this very raw area rather than listening to my inner critic. The pain I felt was actually okay when held in this compassionate space, I didn’t need to be ashamed any longer.
The soft waves of compassion surrounding my heart had healed me of my shame.
I now choose self-compassion in my life, especially when that inner voice starts up.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/self-compassion-learning-to-be-nicer-to-ourselves/
“While the motivational power of self-criticism comes from fear of self-punishment, the motivational power of self-compassion comes from the desire to be healthy, to reduce our suffering.”
3 Ideas to Create Compassion for Yourself
Throughout the last ten years of her research, Kristin Neff has found three main ways to generate more compassion for yourself.
1. Be kind to yourself
The best way to think about being kind to yourself is to think about a friend.
Go ahead. Do it now. Visualize your best friend.
Now imagine she comes to you and says she is hurting because she was passed over for that promotion at work that she’s wanted for so long.
Would you say to her, “Well, it’s probably because you didn’t work hard enough. And you’re too mousy. You should have spoken up about wanting a promotion a long time ago.”
What? You wouldn’t say that to a friend? Would you say it to yourself?
It’s more likely that you would hug your friend and say, “Oh no! That’s terrible. I know how long you’ve been hoping to get that promotion. Come on, let’s go get some coffee and talk about it?”
You can be kind to yourself in this way, too. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who is suffering.
Just as you would hug your friend, soothe yourself as well. Put your hands over your heart or locate the spot in your body where your hurt is hiding and gently place both hands there.
Speak kindly to yourself. Call yourself by an endearing name.
“Oh, honey. I’m hurting because I wanted that promotion so badly. This is a really hard place to be in right now.”
2. Embrace your common humanity
Many times when you criticize or judge yourself, you feel isolated. It seems as though you are the only one in the world who has that particular flaw.
And yet, we are all imperfect. We all suffer. And so we are all connected by our shared humanity.
One of the wonderful outcomes of self-compassion is our enhanced sense of belonging, the feeling that we are all in this together.
The next time you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, remember that you are an integral part of a flawed, wonderful, wounded, miraculous human tribe.
3. Be mindful
How will you know that you are suffering if you are repressing your pain, rationalizing it, or busy with problem-solving?
You must allow awareness of your pain to enter in. Being mindful is about noticing what is happening in the moment and having no judgment about it.
Notice your hurt and just be with it, compassionately and with kindness.
And note that trying to make pain go away with self-compassion is just another way to repress pain and hurt. Self-compassion is about being with your suffering in a kind, loving way, not about making suffering disappear.
We will always have pain. But as Shinzen Young has noted: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. The more you resist your pain, perhaps by trying to make it go away, the more suffering you will experience.
Mindfulness allows you to stay with the pain without the resistance.
Near the end of the workshop, Kristin led us through one last exercise called “Soften, soothe, allow.” It combines all three of the components listed above to help generate self-compassion.
After thinking about a difficulty we have, Kristin directed us to find the place in our bodies that held our problem and then place our hands on it.
I placed both of my hands gently over my heart.
Then, we were encouraged just to be with our pain—not try to rid ourselves of it—and allow kindness and compassion to surround it.
As I sat meditating on something I have always considered to be a character flaw, tears arose under my closed eyelids and soon splashed down my face.
It was the first time I had ever felt kindness for myself about this very raw area rather than listening to my inner critic. The pain I felt was actually okay when held in this compassionate space, I didn’t need to be ashamed any longer.
The soft waves of compassion surrounding my heart had healed me of my shame.
I now choose self-compassion in my life, especially when that inner voice starts up.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/self-compassion-learning-to-be-nicer-to-ourselves/
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Imperfection Is Lovable: Let Yourself Be
Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Take a 5-minute quiz to feel better about life!
Imperfection Is Lovable: Let Yourself Be
By Denise Dare
“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brene Brown
We are all perfectly imperfect just as we are.
Yes, it’s true. Sometimes hard to believe, but always the truth. Believe me.
I’ve always recognized that I am a perfectionist.
I was the little girl who wanted to know how to play the piano at my first lesson, how to roller blade the first time I tried, how to do the splits at my first gymnastics class.
I’ve always wanted to do it right the first time.
On the one hand, I appreciate my intention to do and be my best at whatever I do, but on the other hand, I see how this mentality has often paralyzed my efforts and prevented me from daring and learning to be brilliant.
The one practice I’ve committed to in my life, where I’ve been willing to be less than perfect, and continue to embrace each day, is yoga.
The meditative quality, the healing breath, the invigorating movement all resonate with me and remind me to just be where and who I am, in each moment.
It’s been fifteen years now since I began my yoga practice in an effort to release the tension in my neck that was triggering chronic headaches during my first year studying at UCLA.
I felt transformed after my very first yoga class and just knew that I would grow and expand with my practice.
In the beginning, most of my transformation was physical—feeling more relaxed, open, energized, and flexible. In recent years, my practice has guided me to expand my perspective, and I find myself open to understanding life anew.
I’m discovering new ways of being and of seeing the world.
Just two months ago I had a revelation.
I was communicating with a life coach who is an incredible listener, endeavoring to understand why I was constantly feeling challenged in my relationship with my husband. Together, we realized that I was creating the same expectations of perfection for him as I had carried for myself since childhood.
A memory surfaced: me, around twelve years old, sharing my report card with my father.
“Why are they not all As?” he questioned unapologetically.
I glanced at my grades, noticing that I’d earned six As and one B+, and said, “I did my best.”
“I expect all As next time,” he firmly instructed.
“I’ll do better,” I submissively acquiesced.
And this stuck. The need to do better than my best. The desire to be better than myself. I wanted my father’s approval. I wanted my father’s love. I wanted my father’s attention. And so, I worked even harder and earned a 4.0 GPA each semester.
But you know what? It was never enough.
I never felt enough. I never could earn the love and attention that I desperately craved from him.
I needed to look within myself.
Now, some twenty years later, I’m still struggling with my tendency toward perfectionism.
This insight is life changing: A chance to understand myself better. A reflection of how and why I choose to think and act the way I do. An opportunity to acknowledge that I’ve associated being perfect with being lovable.
Now, without judgment or criticism for myself or my father, I have the choice to change.
I can choose to shift my perspective and tell a new story. I choose to embrace a new truth…
Imperfection is lovable.
With this knowledge, I see my relationship with myself and with my husband, my children, my family, my friends—with life itself—in a new light.
We are perfecting.
And who wants to be perfect anyway? How boring that would be!
The most fun is in the growing, in the expansion, in the learning and becoming ever more who we are.
I release the compulsion to be perfect, to constantly achieve, do more, handle every task on my to do list immediately.
I allow myself to be more present, to be in the moment, to remember what matters most: love.
I can let go of always doing and instead let myself be. I can stop rushing around handling tasks, and allow myself to stop and smell the roses with my daughters, kiss my husband, call a friend, stare in wonder at the beauty of our universe.
I am worthy of love, I know I belong, I recognize my life has meaning, and I give myself permission to take it easy and just be me.
I embrace this truth:
I am good enough. I do enough. I have enough. I work enough. I love enough. I am beautiful enough. I am smart enough.
I am enough.
Can you say this to yourself and really mean it? Practice. Notice how it feels.
With this new perspective, everything blossoms.
I allow myself to make mistakes without being judgmental.
I give others space to be imperfect without being critical.
I allow myself to be me.
I allow myself to love me just as I am.
I allow myself to love others just as they are.
Whenever I begin to lose focus of this reassuring truth, when I start to feel overwhelmed by all the “shoulds” and judgments in my mind, I sit in stillness in my meditation space.
I read the words I’ve etched on my chalkboard wall:
I am enough. Surrender. Live and Let Live. Imperfection is lovable. Be human.
Immersed in the sensation of my breath, I choose to focus my mind on these powerful truths. Soon, I relax into the comfort of knowing that all is well. And I begin again the journey of self-love and acceptance.
I am grateful for being where I am, for all the wisdom and love so many gracious and kind people have shared, and for the powerful practice of yoga that encourages self-awareness and growth.
I am grateful for the opportunity to recognize the perfection in our imperfection and to use this wisdom to infinitely improve my interactions with the people I love the most.
Our minds are powerful. Our thoughts are powerful. Our love is powerful.
Let us choose to focus on the good, appreciate who we are, share our love unconditionally.
Let us remember that we are enough.
Let us embrace our value and know we belong.
Let us always remember that our imperfections are lovable.
Can you practice loving yourself and others unconditionally today?
Every beautiful journey and inspiring transformation begins with an intention and moving in the direction of where you hope to be.
Wishing you ease in loving and freedom to be just who you are.
Be human. Be perfectly imperfect. Be you. Just be.
Imperfection Is Lovable: Let Yourself Be
By Denise Dare
“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brene Brown
We are all perfectly imperfect just as we are.
Yes, it’s true. Sometimes hard to believe, but always the truth. Believe me.
I’ve always recognized that I am a perfectionist.
I was the little girl who wanted to know how to play the piano at my first lesson, how to roller blade the first time I tried, how to do the splits at my first gymnastics class.
I’ve always wanted to do it right the first time.
On the one hand, I appreciate my intention to do and be my best at whatever I do, but on the other hand, I see how this mentality has often paralyzed my efforts and prevented me from daring and learning to be brilliant.
The one practice I’ve committed to in my life, where I’ve been willing to be less than perfect, and continue to embrace each day, is yoga.
The meditative quality, the healing breath, the invigorating movement all resonate with me and remind me to just be where and who I am, in each moment.
It’s been fifteen years now since I began my yoga practice in an effort to release the tension in my neck that was triggering chronic headaches during my first year studying at UCLA.
I felt transformed after my very first yoga class and just knew that I would grow and expand with my practice.
In the beginning, most of my transformation was physical—feeling more relaxed, open, energized, and flexible. In recent years, my practice has guided me to expand my perspective, and I find myself open to understanding life anew.
I’m discovering new ways of being and of seeing the world.
Just two months ago I had a revelation.
I was communicating with a life coach who is an incredible listener, endeavoring to understand why I was constantly feeling challenged in my relationship with my husband. Together, we realized that I was creating the same expectations of perfection for him as I had carried for myself since childhood.
A memory surfaced: me, around twelve years old, sharing my report card with my father.
“Why are they not all As?” he questioned unapologetically.
I glanced at my grades, noticing that I’d earned six As and one B+, and said, “I did my best.”
“I expect all As next time,” he firmly instructed.
“I’ll do better,” I submissively acquiesced.
And this stuck. The need to do better than my best. The desire to be better than myself. I wanted my father’s approval. I wanted my father’s love. I wanted my father’s attention. And so, I worked even harder and earned a 4.0 GPA each semester.
But you know what? It was never enough.
I never felt enough. I never could earn the love and attention that I desperately craved from him.
I needed to look within myself.
Now, some twenty years later, I’m still struggling with my tendency toward perfectionism.
This insight is life changing: A chance to understand myself better. A reflection of how and why I choose to think and act the way I do. An opportunity to acknowledge that I’ve associated being perfect with being lovable.
Now, without judgment or criticism for myself or my father, I have the choice to change.
I can choose to shift my perspective and tell a new story. I choose to embrace a new truth…
Imperfection is lovable.
With this knowledge, I see my relationship with myself and with my husband, my children, my family, my friends—with life itself—in a new light.
We are perfecting.
And who wants to be perfect anyway? How boring that would be!
The most fun is in the growing, in the expansion, in the learning and becoming ever more who we are.
I release the compulsion to be perfect, to constantly achieve, do more, handle every task on my to do list immediately.
I allow myself to be more present, to be in the moment, to remember what matters most: love.
I can let go of always doing and instead let myself be. I can stop rushing around handling tasks, and allow myself to stop and smell the roses with my daughters, kiss my husband, call a friend, stare in wonder at the beauty of our universe.
I am worthy of love, I know I belong, I recognize my life has meaning, and I give myself permission to take it easy and just be me.
I embrace this truth:
I am good enough. I do enough. I have enough. I work enough. I love enough. I am beautiful enough. I am smart enough.
I am enough.
Can you say this to yourself and really mean it? Practice. Notice how it feels.
With this new perspective, everything blossoms.
I allow myself to make mistakes without being judgmental.
I give others space to be imperfect without being critical.
I allow myself to be me.
I allow myself to love me just as I am.
I allow myself to love others just as they are.
Whenever I begin to lose focus of this reassuring truth, when I start to feel overwhelmed by all the “shoulds” and judgments in my mind, I sit in stillness in my meditation space.
I read the words I’ve etched on my chalkboard wall:
I am enough. Surrender. Live and Let Live. Imperfection is lovable. Be human.
Immersed in the sensation of my breath, I choose to focus my mind on these powerful truths. Soon, I relax into the comfort of knowing that all is well. And I begin again the journey of self-love and acceptance.
I am grateful for being where I am, for all the wisdom and love so many gracious and kind people have shared, and for the powerful practice of yoga that encourages self-awareness and growth.
I am grateful for the opportunity to recognize the perfection in our imperfection and to use this wisdom to infinitely improve my interactions with the people I love the most.
Our minds are powerful. Our thoughts are powerful. Our love is powerful.
Let us choose to focus on the good, appreciate who we are, share our love unconditionally.
Let us remember that we are enough.
Let us embrace our value and know we belong.
Let us always remember that our imperfections are lovable.
Can you practice loving yourself and others unconditionally today?
Every beautiful journey and inspiring transformation begins with an intention and moving in the direction of where you hope to be.
Wishing you ease in loving and freedom to be just who you are.
Be human. Be perfectly imperfect. Be you. Just be.
Monday, June 3, 2013
I LOVE THIS
Lightbulb Moment.
"I failed my way to success."
~Thomas Edison
Now there's a perspective. From the outside looking in, we assume that those who are "successful" somehow attained that success with little to no hardship. Like it was just magical and easy for them. Most great, successful people have failed over and over again and what made them successful was their diligence. Their perseverance. Falling. Getting back up. Falling. Getting back up. Pushing on. All that to say, whatever "success" is to you, it is absolutely, totally and complete possible to attain... as long as you can fail, learn, and get back up again. To failing, my friend!
"I failed my way to success."
~Thomas Edison
Now there's a perspective. From the outside looking in, we assume that those who are "successful" somehow attained that success with little to no hardship. Like it was just magical and easy for them. Most great, successful people have failed over and over again and what made them successful was their diligence. Their perseverance. Falling. Getting back up. Falling. Getting back up. Pushing on. All that to say, whatever "success" is to you, it is absolutely, totally and complete possible to attain... as long as you can fail, learn, and get back up again. To failing, my friend!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
AWESOME FIND TODAY
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, suggests that people who have more self-compassion lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. Plus, the feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable.
Science of Happiness Research
Science of Happiness Research
Monday, May 27, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
When Your Inner Critic Stifles Your Creativity: 4 Helpful Truths
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick
We live in an artistically enriched country. The world is already full of all kinds of music, so much art, and so many books. With the Internet, you can experience art’s many forms at the click of a mouse.
In my heart, I am an artist. Ever since I was a young girl, I have loved creating artwork. Writing stories, drawing illustrations, playing the piano, painting, sculpting…
The unfortunate thing is that I am paralyzed—not in the medical sense. I have working limbs, imagination, training, experience, and the resources to “actualize my potential” as an artist. The thing I lack is confidence.
I am crippled by my own self-doubt.
When I was young, I didn’t seem to care about what other people thought. But the older I get, the more apprehensive I become. My fear of failure is greater than my fear of never creating anything ever again.
All artists, to some extent, have a very tough self-standard. The fear of falling short of your expectations can easily prevent you to create, particularly if you lack confidence.
Each time I see a beautiful painting, hear a moving song, come face to face with a realistic sculpture, or read an inspiring autobiography, I become immobilized. Instead of being stimulated by what I see, I get discouraged, and I am way less likely to create anything on my own. “The world doesn’t need anything else,” I think, “because it already has those.”
“What do I have to offer to the world? Why would anyone want to hear my voice? What original, unique art can I possibly create that doesn’t already exist? I might as well give up…”
I think this negativity comes from the bad habit of listening to my “inner critic” instead of focusing on “reality.”
If I let the pessimistic thoughts of my inner critic control my life, then I would never become the artist I want to be. My inner critic loves to put down my individuality and threaten me with failure. I’ve come to the conclusion that my inner critic doesn’t want me to succeed.
With that powerful information, each time I am tempted to belittle my individuality, I remember these four encouraging truths:
1. I am me, and there is no one else who is me. No one else can create what I can create.
2. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Having courage is taking action in spite of being afraid.
3. Your imperfections are part of who you are and part of what makes you beautiful. Be proud of being you, even with all your flaws and failures.
4. If you fail, so what! If you create art for the world, you will never be satisfied. Create art for yourself.
I often repeat these things to myself when I am doubtful, when my inner critic is running the show and ruining my life.
Becoming an individual artist can be very scary, especially if you have been paralyzed by fear for a long time. It’s comfortable to go along with the flow, to conform to the culture, and to continue on in the old ruts in road.
However, there is extraordinary life beyond the paved road. There is a giant wood, a great green meadow, an infinite horizon, and countless things to explore. If you always live your life according to the norm, then you will be missing out.
Life changing advice: You don’t have to believe what your inner critic tells you.
Do you have the strength to swim against the flow, to be an individual, to create your own art? Maybe not right this moment, you think, but there is something you can do to help yourself out. You can retrain your thoughts and learn to control your inner critic to allow reality have a rightful place in your life.
If I am experiencing an artist’s block, when I realize my inner critic has taken control, I take out a piece of paper and make two columns.
One reads “inner critic,” and the other reads “reality.” Underneath each header, I make lists (kind of like a pros and cons sheet), distinguishing one thought from the other.
One way to help determine which category to put your thoughts in is to listen to the tone of the thought’s voice (how you talk to yourself). If the tone is anxious, nervous, babbling, stereotypical, and offers you no way out, then it is your “inner critic.” If the tone is optimistic, unemotional, constructive, and practical then it is “realistic.”
Below is an example of a recent list I made while having trouble finishing a painting:
Inner Critic
You can’t do it; you are a “nobody.”
What if you make a mistake? No one will like you if you produce bad art.
You will never be famous. You’re ugly and fat; ugly and fat people cannot produce good art.
Artists are irresponsible. The world hates artists.
Reality
I have artistic talent.
Sometimes I let perfect get in the way of good.
Most days I enjoy creating art.
I am loved no matter what I do, even if I am not perfect.
No else can be me; therefore, no one else can create what I can create.
This mental exercise will take practice, but over time, you will begin to see positive results in your life and your creativity.
At first, it will be difficult to distinguish your self-critic from reality, especially if you have obeyed your fears for a long time. If you try it, I guarantee that you will begin to enjoy a more nourishing, creatively enriched life in the process.
I have been utilizing this practice for a while now. After the first few months, I didn’t have to make physical lists anymore; I could separate the thoughts in my head. Even though, I am still a long way off from where I want to be, I am a lot closer to my goal than I was before.
What are some of your hurdles as an apprehensive artist? How do you overcome your obstacles?
We live in an artistically enriched country. The world is already full of all kinds of music, so much art, and so many books. With the Internet, you can experience art’s many forms at the click of a mouse.
In my heart, I am an artist. Ever since I was a young girl, I have loved creating artwork. Writing stories, drawing illustrations, playing the piano, painting, sculpting…
The unfortunate thing is that I am paralyzed—not in the medical sense. I have working limbs, imagination, training, experience, and the resources to “actualize my potential” as an artist. The thing I lack is confidence.
I am crippled by my own self-doubt.
When I was young, I didn’t seem to care about what other people thought. But the older I get, the more apprehensive I become. My fear of failure is greater than my fear of never creating anything ever again.
All artists, to some extent, have a very tough self-standard. The fear of falling short of your expectations can easily prevent you to create, particularly if you lack confidence.
Each time I see a beautiful painting, hear a moving song, come face to face with a realistic sculpture, or read an inspiring autobiography, I become immobilized. Instead of being stimulated by what I see, I get discouraged, and I am way less likely to create anything on my own. “The world doesn’t need anything else,” I think, “because it already has those.”
“What do I have to offer to the world? Why would anyone want to hear my voice? What original, unique art can I possibly create that doesn’t already exist? I might as well give up…”
I think this negativity comes from the bad habit of listening to my “inner critic” instead of focusing on “reality.”
If I let the pessimistic thoughts of my inner critic control my life, then I would never become the artist I want to be. My inner critic loves to put down my individuality and threaten me with failure. I’ve come to the conclusion that my inner critic doesn’t want me to succeed.
With that powerful information, each time I am tempted to belittle my individuality, I remember these four encouraging truths:
1. I am me, and there is no one else who is me. No one else can create what I can create.
2. Having courage doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Having courage is taking action in spite of being afraid.
3. Your imperfections are part of who you are and part of what makes you beautiful. Be proud of being you, even with all your flaws and failures.
4. If you fail, so what! If you create art for the world, you will never be satisfied. Create art for yourself.
I often repeat these things to myself when I am doubtful, when my inner critic is running the show and ruining my life.
Becoming an individual artist can be very scary, especially if you have been paralyzed by fear for a long time. It’s comfortable to go along with the flow, to conform to the culture, and to continue on in the old ruts in road.
However, there is extraordinary life beyond the paved road. There is a giant wood, a great green meadow, an infinite horizon, and countless things to explore. If you always live your life according to the norm, then you will be missing out.
Life changing advice: You don’t have to believe what your inner critic tells you.
Do you have the strength to swim against the flow, to be an individual, to create your own art? Maybe not right this moment, you think, but there is something you can do to help yourself out. You can retrain your thoughts and learn to control your inner critic to allow reality have a rightful place in your life.
If I am experiencing an artist’s block, when I realize my inner critic has taken control, I take out a piece of paper and make two columns.
One reads “inner critic,” and the other reads “reality.” Underneath each header, I make lists (kind of like a pros and cons sheet), distinguishing one thought from the other.
One way to help determine which category to put your thoughts in is to listen to the tone of the thought’s voice (how you talk to yourself). If the tone is anxious, nervous, babbling, stereotypical, and offers you no way out, then it is your “inner critic.” If the tone is optimistic, unemotional, constructive, and practical then it is “realistic.”
Below is an example of a recent list I made while having trouble finishing a painting:
Inner Critic
You can’t do it; you are a “nobody.”
What if you make a mistake? No one will like you if you produce bad art.
You will never be famous. You’re ugly and fat; ugly and fat people cannot produce good art.
Artists are irresponsible. The world hates artists.
Reality
I have artistic talent.
Sometimes I let perfect get in the way of good.
Most days I enjoy creating art.
I am loved no matter what I do, even if I am not perfect.
No else can be me; therefore, no one else can create what I can create.
This mental exercise will take practice, but over time, you will begin to see positive results in your life and your creativity.
At first, it will be difficult to distinguish your self-critic from reality, especially if you have obeyed your fears for a long time. If you try it, I guarantee that you will begin to enjoy a more nourishing, creatively enriched life in the process.
I have been utilizing this practice for a while now. After the first few months, I didn’t have to make physical lists anymore; I could separate the thoughts in my head. Even though, I am still a long way off from where I want to be, I am a lot closer to my goal than I was before.
What are some of your hurdles as an apprehensive artist? How do you overcome your obstacles?
Monday, May 20, 2013
Veneers.
"You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
~Walt Disney
If you haven't noticed, oftentimes the quotes I choose to share with you, are lessons I am currently learning myself. This one is no exception. The thing that I've been realizing lately is that sometimes, when life kicks you in the teeth, you're just being set up for a gorgeous, mouth-full of veneers. Veneers that you would have never seen coming. You probably would have never pursued. So, you can stare at your broken teeth in the mirror and feel sorry for yourself, or you can begin dreaming about how you are going to get yourself a beautiful new set of veneers. And I really think we are far more creative about our life's circumstances when we are forced to. When we didn't see that knock-out comin'. When we just have to figure out a new set of pearlies. So, if you're in a rough one, feeling like your teeth just got smashed, how creative can you get? In what ways are you being pushed? Go get those veneers, baby.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
5/14/13 Pain.
Pain in the...
"Pain makes people change, but it also makes them stronger."
~Unknown
This quote couldn't be truer for me at the moment. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. The Universe has been toughening me up over this past weekend, and you know what? I feel pretty badass that I rose to the occasion. Here's the thing that I always come back to: No matter how bad a situation is, there is almost always something that could be worse. And no matter what, we always, ALWAYS have the conscious choice of how we view our situation. We can wallow in the pain and label ourselves victims. Or, we can allow ourselves to feel what we feel and CHOOSE an empowering perspective that catapults our healing. Even if more pain is on the way. We forget how much choice we have in how we view our circumstance. But choice is never broken. And, it's always our call. I dig.
"Pain makes people change, but it also makes them stronger."
~Unknown
This quote couldn't be truer for me at the moment. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. The Universe has been toughening me up over this past weekend, and you know what? I feel pretty badass that I rose to the occasion. Here's the thing that I always come back to: No matter how bad a situation is, there is almost always something that could be worse. And no matter what, we always, ALWAYS have the conscious choice of how we view our situation. We can wallow in the pain and label ourselves victims. Or, we can allow ourselves to feel what we feel and CHOOSE an empowering perspective that catapults our healing. Even if more pain is on the way. We forget how much choice we have in how we view our circumstance. But choice is never broken. And, it's always our call. I dig.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Prep School Day #4
Welcome to Day 4
with Molly Mahar
Molly is changing the world by teaching women how to value their own purpose and strength, especially as they arrive at transition. She is all about "Activating Your Awesome", so naturally she was a perfect fit for Prep School.
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two great, easy self love practices that you can easily implement in your own life.
:: The easy-to-implement tool Andrea uses in her morning ritual.
:: How your judgment of others relates to your own self-love.
with Molly Mahar
Molly is changing the world by teaching women how to value their own purpose and strength, especially as they arrive at transition. She is all about "Activating Your Awesome", so naturally she was a perfect fit for Prep School.
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two great, easy self love practices that you can easily implement in your own life.
:: The easy-to-implement tool Andrea uses in her morning ritual.
:: How your judgment of others relates to your own self-love.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Dare to Live: 10 Unconventional Ways to Be True to Yourself By Kavetha Sundaramoorthy
1. Cherish those special friendships.
I had (and still have) friends who knew and loved me unconditionally. This is truly invaluable. Make and keep good friends and be honest with them. They can be your moral compass during stormy times. Not just psychologically, but literally, like in share-her-last-sandwich-while-reading-poetry-on-long-afternoons kind of support.
2. Don’t hate those who stumble; we all do sometimes.
It would have been so easy, and actually it was, to hate my dad for a while. But as time passed, I was able to see his side too. This guy was so poor while growing up that he had only one meal a day and wore torn rags to school.
He had to sneak to elementary classes from his day job herding sheep. From there, he had risen to be one of the top surgeons in the country and built an empire. Me rejecting it felt personal, like I was rejecting him.
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. If you can, forgive and allow compassion into your relationships. It makes the ride more beautiful.
3. Take responsibility for your own life.
This is the beginning of self-esteem. Although stuff happens, ultimately you are responsible for your actions.
When we deeply and utterly understand that to be true, life takes on a whole new meaning. Whatever has happened until the past moment is gone. This present moment is again yours. And you have the power to do whatever you want with it.
4. Have a big vision and keep your goals aligned with your vision.
I struggled with this one for a while. First, I had no big vision. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant. So my goals and actions went in circles for a while.
Make sure to know what kind of person you want to be and what kind of job/life you would like to lead. Then shape your short-term goals so it is moving you in that direction (or at least not away from it).
5. Remember that death makes life real.
In the words of Steve Jobs, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Death can come at any moment, to any of us. We don’t have forever to be who we are. In fact, we owe it to ourselves and those we love to be truly alive and authentic in each moment. It is the only legacy we can be proud to leave behind.
6. Don’t worry too much about making mistakes.
It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. Think and analyze your decisions carefully, but once you feel reasonably sure you have made a good choice, just trust yourself. Be bold and go forth into the wilderness.
Whatever happens, you will have gained an experience from it that only the courageous can boast of.
7. Know your strengths.
You are unique. There is only one you in this entire universe. No one has exactly your strange and magical mix of genes and experience. Learn what makes you tick. And keep building on that. You will make wonderful things happen.
8. Be kind to yourself.
We all mess up once in a while. When it happens and you finally catch on, drop your ego, admit your mistake fully, and make amends. Learn from it so you don’t repeat that same lesson again. Then forgive yourself and move on. Life is hard and we are not made to be perfect.
9. Be in the moment.
This present moment is alive and full of potential. Learning to be mindful has helped me tremendously by keeping me in my life, as it happens.
Whether you are playing, sleeping, working, lazing, watching TV, or hanging out with someone you love, give your awareness to it 100%. I highly recommend a daily mindfulness practice. It has changed the way I relate to life.
10. Don’t forget to laugh.
It has gotten me through many a sticky situation. And created hours of pure fun. Include as much good humor in your day as legally possible. And that’s a doctor’s order.
So dear readers and future friends, don’t wait to be who you are. You are special and there is a reason you are on this earth. No matter what your situation is, there is something you can do today to move toward your true self.
Dare to live; your dreams are counting on you.
I had (and still have) friends who knew and loved me unconditionally. This is truly invaluable. Make and keep good friends and be honest with them. They can be your moral compass during stormy times. Not just psychologically, but literally, like in share-her-last-sandwich-while-reading-poetry-on-long-afternoons kind of support.
2. Don’t hate those who stumble; we all do sometimes.
It would have been so easy, and actually it was, to hate my dad for a while. But as time passed, I was able to see his side too. This guy was so poor while growing up that he had only one meal a day and wore torn rags to school.
He had to sneak to elementary classes from his day job herding sheep. From there, he had risen to be one of the top surgeons in the country and built an empire. Me rejecting it felt personal, like I was rejecting him.
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. If you can, forgive and allow compassion into your relationships. It makes the ride more beautiful.
3. Take responsibility for your own life.
This is the beginning of self-esteem. Although stuff happens, ultimately you are responsible for your actions.
When we deeply and utterly understand that to be true, life takes on a whole new meaning. Whatever has happened until the past moment is gone. This present moment is again yours. And you have the power to do whatever you want with it.
4. Have a big vision and keep your goals aligned with your vision.
I struggled with this one for a while. First, I had no big vision. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant. So my goals and actions went in circles for a while.
Make sure to know what kind of person you want to be and what kind of job/life you would like to lead. Then shape your short-term goals so it is moving you in that direction (or at least not away from it).
5. Remember that death makes life real.
In the words of Steve Jobs, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Death can come at any moment, to any of us. We don’t have forever to be who we are. In fact, we owe it to ourselves and those we love to be truly alive and authentic in each moment. It is the only legacy we can be proud to leave behind.
6. Don’t worry too much about making mistakes.
It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. Think and analyze your decisions carefully, but once you feel reasonably sure you have made a good choice, just trust yourself. Be bold and go forth into the wilderness.
Whatever happens, you will have gained an experience from it that only the courageous can boast of.
7. Know your strengths.
You are unique. There is only one you in this entire universe. No one has exactly your strange and magical mix of genes and experience. Learn what makes you tick. And keep building on that. You will make wonderful things happen.
8. Be kind to yourself.
We all mess up once in a while. When it happens and you finally catch on, drop your ego, admit your mistake fully, and make amends. Learn from it so you don’t repeat that same lesson again. Then forgive yourself and move on. Life is hard and we are not made to be perfect.
9. Be in the moment.
This present moment is alive and full of potential. Learning to be mindful has helped me tremendously by keeping me in my life, as it happens.
Whether you are playing, sleeping, working, lazing, watching TV, or hanging out with someone you love, give your awareness to it 100%. I highly recommend a daily mindfulness practice. It has changed the way I relate to life.
10. Don’t forget to laugh.
It has gotten me through many a sticky situation. And created hours of pure fun. Include as much good humor in your day as legally possible. And that’s a doctor’s order.
So dear readers and future friends, don’t wait to be who you are. You are special and there is a reason you are on this earth. No matter what your situation is, there is something you can do today to move toward your true self.
Dare to live; your dreams are counting on you.
Prep School Day #3
Welcome to Day 3
with Fabeku Fatunmise
Join Fabeku (our one and only male in Prep School) as he shares he personal, sordid tale of self-love. As a self-proclaimed Suck Exorcist, he will show you some awesome tools to cultivating your AWESOME!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two ways to figure out the stories you’re committed to that aren’t serving you.
:: The importance of stepping into your BIGness.
:: An easy way you can start to let go of disempowering beliefs.
with Fabeku Fatunmise
Join Fabeku (our one and only male in Prep School) as he shares he personal, sordid tale of self-love. As a self-proclaimed Suck Exorcist, he will show you some awesome tools to cultivating your AWESOME!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: Two ways to figure out the stories you’re committed to that aren’t serving you.
:: The importance of stepping into your BIGness.
:: An easy way you can start to let go of disempowering beliefs.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Monday morning (yesterday's) motivation
"It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself." -Eleanor Roosevelt
I don't think Ms. Roosevelt is talking about laundry. I believe it's things like asking someone to believe in themselves, love themselves, go after their dreams... stuff like that. So, when you're wishing these things for other people, my hope is that you have them well on their way for yourself first.
[JOY JUNKIE]
Used.
"I want to be all used up when I die."
~George Bernard Shaw
Wow. This quote really resonated with me. All used up. Nothing left. You have LIVED life. Every second of it. No regrets. Went after your dreams, your desires. What a sweet deathbed that will be. Join me. When we all lay our heads for our final rest, lets say we took this life by storm. Now start acting like it. Today. Now.
I don't think Ms. Roosevelt is talking about laundry. I believe it's things like asking someone to believe in themselves, love themselves, go after their dreams... stuff like that. So, when you're wishing these things for other people, my hope is that you have them well on their way for yourself first.
[JOY JUNKIE]
Used.
"I want to be all used up when I die."
~George Bernard Shaw
Wow. This quote really resonated with me. All used up. Nothing left. You have LIVED life. Every second of it. No regrets. Went after your dreams, your desires. What a sweet deathbed that will be. Join me. When we all lay our heads for our final rest, lets say we took this life by storm. Now start acting like it. Today. Now.
Welcome to Day 2
with Isabel Foxen Duke
Isabel is a certified Health Coach and Emotional Eating Expert and is passionate about teaching women to not be crazy around food. You in?
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How self love can get you off the diet roller coaster.
:: How compulsive eating is directly related to lack of self love.
:: A big myth in regards to weight loss.
with Isabel Foxen Duke
Isabel is a certified Health Coach and Emotional Eating Expert and is passionate about teaching women to not be crazy around food. You in?
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How self love can get you off the diet roller coaster.
:: How compulsive eating is directly related to lack of self love.
:: A big myth in regards to weight loss.
PREP SCHOOL
Welcome to Day 1
with Susan Hyatt
Martha Beck Master-certified life coach and author of Create Your Own Luck: Seven Steps to get Your Lucky On shares her juiciest tips for radical self-care!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How to get around the excuse of “Not enough time”.
:: The Importance of self-care in self-love
:: A morning ritual worksheet for you!
with Susan Hyatt
Martha Beck Master-certified life coach and author of Create Your Own Luck: Seven Steps to get Your Lucky On shares her juiciest tips for radical self-care!
THIS VIDEO ADDRESSES:
:: How to get around the excuse of “Not enough time”.
:: The Importance of self-care in self-love
:: A morning ritual worksheet for you!
Friday, May 3, 2013
How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Mistakes
Even if we make very few mistakes, we’ll still have some imperfections that we could address.
So what can we do? We can start reorienting our thinking.
Step #1: Be good to yourself.
It’s no good trying to fight against something you’ve just done when you’re feeling bad about it. Give yourself time to calm down and regain your composure. Basically, let go and chill out.
So I’ve binged and now I feel uncomfortable. I need to relax and let my body digest. Water is essential for digestion so I need to drink that, a few sips at a time. I also need to remove the last of the pizza from view, which means putting it in the bin.
Step #2: Acknowledge what caused you to do what you did.
I need to acknowledge why I binge. Pizza isn’t my only vice, after all. I comfort eat when I’m unhappy or stressed, and I have intense cravings that go beyond “I fancy a couple of biscuits with my tea.”
This step requires a hefty amount of honesty on your part. Pretending a problem isn’t there will not help you move past it. But in the process of admitting a problem, whether it’s with over-eating or over-spending, be nice to yourself.
Step #3: Start small to address the problem.
My yoga instructor explained that severe cravings are a form of perversion; when our bodies lack some form of goodness or nutrition, the opposite version of that lack becomes magnified, creating these enormous, unruly cravings.
I need to address my lack in order to balance myself, which means eating more in the way of leafy greens, full of protein, and nature’s goodness.
Immediate action can be applied to any circumstance where you feel out of control. If you over-spend, set a generous but reasonable budget and stick to it; if you suck at saying “no” to people, practice in front of the mirror, maybe do it over the phone to start and then branch out the more confident you become.
The point is to make a small change and grow into the space that change creates.
Step #4: Confront your expectations.
I’ve put in place new approaches that are helping me to feed and stretch my body, and settle my mind, so I’m in a good place to stand up to the nagging thoughts that bring me down.
Money-wise, yes I could have used that cash on something more useful, but you know what? I order a pizza once a month at the most. It’s my treat. I pay my bills and my debts, and I put a small amount away each month for a rainy day, so I’ll spend my ten pounds on what I want.
Health-wise, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t eat much in the way of refined sugars or fatty foods. I eat plenty of fruits and root vegetables, and healthy portions of nuts and fiber-packed nibbles.
Weight-wise, I’m doing alright. I lost almost 30 pounds in just less than two years, slowly and healthily. I’ve put about 7 pounds back on courtesy of Christmas, but I’m now cutting back. So I don’t resemble a wafer; so I don’t fit a BMI graph. I look just fine.
The point of this step isn’t to rationalize unhealthy choices; it’s to think of all the good things you may not consider when you’re being hard on yourself over one arguably bad decision. It may not be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Step #5: Love yourself.
This is probably the hardest step. I’m not quite there myself yet but I’m working on it, like a lot of people in the world. Maybe you’re working on it now but thinking it’ll never happen.
Standing in front of my mirror saying “I love you” makes me laugh because it feels so stupid. That nagging voice says it’s stupid but, really, it’s not. It’s very sensible.
How can I follow through on any of the other steps if I don’t respect and care for myself? How can I love others if I have no love for myself? Loving yourself is one of the best things you can do.
Before I go to bed, as I brush my teeth, I’m going to look right into my hazel eyes and mentally say to myself “I love you. The pizza was a bit of an indulgence but you’re over it now. You’re taking positive steps to change and that is quite awesome.”
Love yourself, even if you have some less-than-ideal habits. You can only overcome these if you stop kicking yourself when you’re down. Instead, give yourself a hug and get up. Keep moving.
Whatever you tend to punish yourself over, you can apply these steps. Perseverance is the trick, but if you’re having a hard time, it’s worth taking the ultimate risk and opening your heart to another, like a friend, a family member, a mentor, or even a professional.
The point is, you can turn this painful situation around and be free of it. You just have to start with you.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up-over-mistakes/
So what can we do? We can start reorienting our thinking.
Step #1: Be good to yourself.
It’s no good trying to fight against something you’ve just done when you’re feeling bad about it. Give yourself time to calm down and regain your composure. Basically, let go and chill out.
So I’ve binged and now I feel uncomfortable. I need to relax and let my body digest. Water is essential for digestion so I need to drink that, a few sips at a time. I also need to remove the last of the pizza from view, which means putting it in the bin.
Step #2: Acknowledge what caused you to do what you did.
I need to acknowledge why I binge. Pizza isn’t my only vice, after all. I comfort eat when I’m unhappy or stressed, and I have intense cravings that go beyond “I fancy a couple of biscuits with my tea.”
This step requires a hefty amount of honesty on your part. Pretending a problem isn’t there will not help you move past it. But in the process of admitting a problem, whether it’s with over-eating or over-spending, be nice to yourself.
Step #3: Start small to address the problem.
My yoga instructor explained that severe cravings are a form of perversion; when our bodies lack some form of goodness or nutrition, the opposite version of that lack becomes magnified, creating these enormous, unruly cravings.
I need to address my lack in order to balance myself, which means eating more in the way of leafy greens, full of protein, and nature’s goodness.
Immediate action can be applied to any circumstance where you feel out of control. If you over-spend, set a generous but reasonable budget and stick to it; if you suck at saying “no” to people, practice in front of the mirror, maybe do it over the phone to start and then branch out the more confident you become.
The point is to make a small change and grow into the space that change creates.
Step #4: Confront your expectations.
I’ve put in place new approaches that are helping me to feed and stretch my body, and settle my mind, so I’m in a good place to stand up to the nagging thoughts that bring me down.
Money-wise, yes I could have used that cash on something more useful, but you know what? I order a pizza once a month at the most. It’s my treat. I pay my bills and my debts, and I put a small amount away each month for a rainy day, so I’ll spend my ten pounds on what I want.
Health-wise, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t eat much in the way of refined sugars or fatty foods. I eat plenty of fruits and root vegetables, and healthy portions of nuts and fiber-packed nibbles.
Weight-wise, I’m doing alright. I lost almost 30 pounds in just less than two years, slowly and healthily. I’ve put about 7 pounds back on courtesy of Christmas, but I’m now cutting back. So I don’t resemble a wafer; so I don’t fit a BMI graph. I look just fine.
The point of this step isn’t to rationalize unhealthy choices; it’s to think of all the good things you may not consider when you’re being hard on yourself over one arguably bad decision. It may not be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Step #5: Love yourself.
This is probably the hardest step. I’m not quite there myself yet but I’m working on it, like a lot of people in the world. Maybe you’re working on it now but thinking it’ll never happen.
Standing in front of my mirror saying “I love you” makes me laugh because it feels so stupid. That nagging voice says it’s stupid but, really, it’s not. It’s very sensible.
How can I follow through on any of the other steps if I don’t respect and care for myself? How can I love others if I have no love for myself? Loving yourself is one of the best things you can do.
Before I go to bed, as I brush my teeth, I’m going to look right into my hazel eyes and mentally say to myself “I love you. The pizza was a bit of an indulgence but you’re over it now. You’re taking positive steps to change and that is quite awesome.”
Love yourself, even if you have some less-than-ideal habits. You can only overcome these if you stop kicking yourself when you’re down. Instead, give yourself a hug and get up. Keep moving.
Whatever you tend to punish yourself over, you can apply these steps. Perseverance is the trick, but if you’re having a hard time, it’s worth taking the ultimate risk and opening your heart to another, like a friend, a family member, a mentor, or even a professional.
The point is, you can turn this painful situation around and be free of it. You just have to start with you.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up-over-mistakes/
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