“Your true evolution is not what you do out there. That's secondary. Your true evolution is to do with the arising of awareness in you as you go about your life.”
~Eckhart Tolle
Showing posts with label love of self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love of self. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2014
Saturday, November 30, 2013
"You are the one you've been waiting for, indeed. All the power and courage you need to transform your life to one of heart centered truth is already within! Be brave enough to set it free and rise up."
-Heather Day Wellness
-Heather Day Wellness
Monday, July 15, 2013
Critics choice.
"If you can't be criticized for it, it's probably not remarkable. Are you devoting yourself to something devoid of criticism?"
~Unknown
We spend so much effort worrying about pleasing everyone else... making sure we don't rock the boat... Catering to everyone else's opinion. But, what is the trade off? Not following one's own heart? Intuition? Speaking/living your truth? So what if people don't "get" you... they don't "get" your choices or decisions. Oh, well. You'll live. Let them criticize. Let them scoff. Because, at the end of the day, you've been REMARKABLE. And not for them. For you.
"If you can't be criticized for it, it's probably not remarkable. Are you devoting yourself to something devoid of criticism?"
~Unknown
We spend so much effort worrying about pleasing everyone else... making sure we don't rock the boat... Catering to everyone else's opinion. But, what is the trade off? Not following one's own heart? Intuition? Speaking/living your truth? So what if people don't "get" you... they don't "get" your choices or decisions. Oh, well. You'll live. Let them criticize. Let them scoff. Because, at the end of the day, you've been REMARKABLE. And not for them. For you.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
7 Ways To Stop Negativity And Boost Self-Worth
1. Practice yoga.
No surprise here, but my daily practice of yoga is a grounding force in my life that keeps me centred and calm in an otherwise often turbulent storm. Find a studio and give it a try — if you don’t fall in love immediately, try a new teacher or class.
2. Meditate.
Find an intro course in whatever style or technique of meditation you choose, then practice every day. I wake up early in order to give myself the gift of a clearer mind. I'm then able to begin each day with purpose, clarity and a level of calm that you won’t have without this centering practice.
3. Eat well.
Eat local, organic, raw, whole foods as much as possible. Feed your body with the fuel it needs for optimal health and development. Before you eat anything, ask yourself, "Is this something my body will use to build health or dis-ease? Am I craving this or do I truly feel hungry and need nourishment? Will I feel better or worse after eating this?"
4. Plan.
Set aside a bit of time each week to plan your meals, your physical activity and your self-care for the week ahead. Just as many of us create a strategic plan for our work life, the same thing needs to be applied to our entire life.
5. Journal.
Keep track of what triggers your ups and downs — keep a food journal and include anything that comes up for you physically, emotionally and mentally throughout the day. This will help you to discover possible food sensitivities, emotional triggers to eating habits and what foods help you feel truly energized.
6. Find your passion and pursue it.
Explore and discover what makes you feel purposeful and alive, then find ways to do more of it! Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day or an hour a week to begin with, if you find the time for your passions, the universe will conspire to help you find more and more time.
7. Seek out positive, like-minded people.
Like attracts like; if you're feeling crappy and focusing on the crappiness, then crappiness is what you are going to see and crappy is how you will continue to feel. I've been called a Pollyanna — and somehow this is supposed to be a bad thing?!
Ask yourself where you'll be in 75 years. Most likely dead, yes? Me too… so, between now and the inevitable then, I would much rather spend my time thinking positively and surrounding myself with positive thinkers than focusing on what seems to be not working and holding onto crap from the past that no longer exists.
Enjoy the journey with a light, playful and non-judgmental frame of mind… I look forward to seeing what else you have to add to this list!
No surprise here, but my daily practice of yoga is a grounding force in my life that keeps me centred and calm in an otherwise often turbulent storm. Find a studio and give it a try — if you don’t fall in love immediately, try a new teacher or class.
2. Meditate.
Find an intro course in whatever style or technique of meditation you choose, then practice every day. I wake up early in order to give myself the gift of a clearer mind. I'm then able to begin each day with purpose, clarity and a level of calm that you won’t have without this centering practice.
3. Eat well.
Eat local, organic, raw, whole foods as much as possible. Feed your body with the fuel it needs for optimal health and development. Before you eat anything, ask yourself, "Is this something my body will use to build health or dis-ease? Am I craving this or do I truly feel hungry and need nourishment? Will I feel better or worse after eating this?"
4. Plan.
Set aside a bit of time each week to plan your meals, your physical activity and your self-care for the week ahead. Just as many of us create a strategic plan for our work life, the same thing needs to be applied to our entire life.
5. Journal.
Keep track of what triggers your ups and downs — keep a food journal and include anything that comes up for you physically, emotionally and mentally throughout the day. This will help you to discover possible food sensitivities, emotional triggers to eating habits and what foods help you feel truly energized.
6. Find your passion and pursue it.
Explore and discover what makes you feel purposeful and alive, then find ways to do more of it! Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day or an hour a week to begin with, if you find the time for your passions, the universe will conspire to help you find more and more time.
7. Seek out positive, like-minded people.
Like attracts like; if you're feeling crappy and focusing on the crappiness, then crappiness is what you are going to see and crappy is how you will continue to feel. I've been called a Pollyanna — and somehow this is supposed to be a bad thing?!
Ask yourself where you'll be in 75 years. Most likely dead, yes? Me too… so, between now and the inevitable then, I would much rather spend my time thinking positively and surrounding myself with positive thinkers than focusing on what seems to be not working and holding onto crap from the past that no longer exists.
Enjoy the journey with a light, playful and non-judgmental frame of mind… I look forward to seeing what else you have to add to this list!
8 Tips To Relax And Feel Healthy
1. Make “me-time” a priority.
Carve out 30 minutes to an hour daily. Schedule it. Use this down time to take a nice hot bath with dead sea salts, essentials oils and your favorite natural bath products. Light candles and play soothing music. Give yourself a massage with coconut oil. Give yourself a facial. Finish off with a mani-pedi. This isn’t just for the ladies. Guys, you can do this too.
2. Say no to others and say yes to yourself.
Overextending yourself is the fastest way to accrue stress. Saying no doesn’t mean you aren’t helping others. It means you're saying YES to yourself and respecting your own needs. If an invitation comes up that makes you say, “meh,” skip it. If someone requests something from you that feels too heavy, not aligned with your present focus or doesn’t make you feel resourceful, pass on it. As an added bonus, this frees up time to do things you actually enjoy.
3. Allow nature to re-energize you.
Spend some time in the sun’s healing rays. Ground yourself by walking barefoot on grass or sand. Spend some time in ocean water. Get plenty of fresh air and breathe deeply. Spend some time stargazing or watching the clouds. Hug a tree. Plant a flower garden. Grow your own food.
4. Do something fun and adventurous every day.
Even with a busy schedule, you can find 30 minutes to do something fun. Be creative with your time. Create a bucket list while you’re on the toilet or in between calls at work. Begin checking off those items each day as you try new things. When time is more available, do the bigger things you wish to accomplish.
5. Ask for help.
If you need help with any of your daily tasks such as cooking or laundry, ask. If there’s a project at work that’s causing frustration, see who you can enlist to speed up the project. If you're bored or lonely, ask friends or family to spend time with you. If your back hurts, ask for a massage. It’s not that others aren’t willing to support you; you simply haven’t articulated your needs.
6. Let your plate heal you.
Plant-based food has natural healing components. Eat more plants and less meat. Use food as medicine and eat foods that reduce illness. Reduce or eliminate caffeine, sugar, gluten, alcohol, dairy, and soy, which are often the biggest culprits of diet-based stress. Swap out coffee for herbal tea. Try almond or coconut milk. Instead of sugar, try stevia, raw honey or medjool dates to sweeten.
7. Slow down.
Meditate for at least 20 minutes per day. Take several deep breaths. Close your eyes for a few minutes every hour. Resist the urge to tightly pack your schedule. Practice gentle and slow paced forms of exercise such as yoga, qigong and tai chi.
8. Reduce your time with energy vampires.
This includes people and technology. Identify people who drain your energy and distance yourself from them. Have one “unplugged” day every week with no television, phone, video games or internet. Reduce the amount of time you spend texting, emailing, working, updating your Facebook status message, and tweeting.
Happy healing!
Carve out 30 minutes to an hour daily. Schedule it. Use this down time to take a nice hot bath with dead sea salts, essentials oils and your favorite natural bath products. Light candles and play soothing music. Give yourself a massage with coconut oil. Give yourself a facial. Finish off with a mani-pedi. This isn’t just for the ladies. Guys, you can do this too.
2. Say no to others and say yes to yourself.
Overextending yourself is the fastest way to accrue stress. Saying no doesn’t mean you aren’t helping others. It means you're saying YES to yourself and respecting your own needs. If an invitation comes up that makes you say, “meh,” skip it. If someone requests something from you that feels too heavy, not aligned with your present focus or doesn’t make you feel resourceful, pass on it. As an added bonus, this frees up time to do things you actually enjoy.
3. Allow nature to re-energize you.
Spend some time in the sun’s healing rays. Ground yourself by walking barefoot on grass or sand. Spend some time in ocean water. Get plenty of fresh air and breathe deeply. Spend some time stargazing or watching the clouds. Hug a tree. Plant a flower garden. Grow your own food.
4. Do something fun and adventurous every day.
Even with a busy schedule, you can find 30 minutes to do something fun. Be creative with your time. Create a bucket list while you’re on the toilet or in between calls at work. Begin checking off those items each day as you try new things. When time is more available, do the bigger things you wish to accomplish.
5. Ask for help.
If you need help with any of your daily tasks such as cooking or laundry, ask. If there’s a project at work that’s causing frustration, see who you can enlist to speed up the project. If you're bored or lonely, ask friends or family to spend time with you. If your back hurts, ask for a massage. It’s not that others aren’t willing to support you; you simply haven’t articulated your needs.
6. Let your plate heal you.
Plant-based food has natural healing components. Eat more plants and less meat. Use food as medicine and eat foods that reduce illness. Reduce or eliminate caffeine, sugar, gluten, alcohol, dairy, and soy, which are often the biggest culprits of diet-based stress. Swap out coffee for herbal tea. Try almond or coconut milk. Instead of sugar, try stevia, raw honey or medjool dates to sweeten.
7. Slow down.
Meditate for at least 20 minutes per day. Take several deep breaths. Close your eyes for a few minutes every hour. Resist the urge to tightly pack your schedule. Practice gentle and slow paced forms of exercise such as yoga, qigong and tai chi.
8. Reduce your time with energy vampires.
This includes people and technology. Identify people who drain your energy and distance yourself from them. Have one “unplugged” day every week with no television, phone, video games or internet. Reduce the amount of time you spend texting, emailing, working, updating your Facebook status message, and tweeting.
Happy healing!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Dealing with pain
1. Developing emotional intelligence.
2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
3. Creating situations for positive feelings.
Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.
That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.
Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.
Pain is sometimes an indication we need to set boundaries, learn to say no more often, or take better care of ourselves; but sometimes it just means that it’s human to hurt, and we need to let ourselves go through it.
We tend to be more reactive than active, but that’s a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel.
We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our own inner world.
We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that before struggling with whether or not to say no to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class. If your greatest passion is writing, start a blog. If you daydream about being a musician, start recording.
Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it.
***
Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to.
Still, we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.
If we choose to foster a sense of inner peace, challenge our perceptions and interpretations when our emotions could use some schooling, and learn to take responsibility for our joy, we can not only minimize pain—we can choose to be a source of pleasure, for ourselves and the people around us.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-uncomfortable-feelings/
2. Learning to sit with negative feelings.
3. Creating situations for positive feelings.
Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.
That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.
Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.
Pain is sometimes an indication we need to set boundaries, learn to say no more often, or take better care of ourselves; but sometimes it just means that it’s human to hurt, and we need to let ourselves go through it.
We tend to be more reactive than active, but that’s a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel.
We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our own inner world.
We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that before struggling with whether or not to say no to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class. If your greatest passion is writing, start a blog. If you daydream about being a musician, start recording.
Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it.
***
Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to.
Still, we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.
If we choose to foster a sense of inner peace, challenge our perceptions and interpretations when our emotions could use some schooling, and learn to take responsibility for our joy, we can not only minimize pain—we can choose to be a source of pleasure, for ourselves and the people around us.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-uncomfortable-feelings/
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Thick Thighs, Wide Hips & Large Breasts: How I Learned To Love My Museum-Worthy Body
Our attempts to achieve unrealistic goals often fail, or we achieve them at a great expense. We’re left with lower self-esteem than when we started.
I can remember a time when I’ve been heavier, as well as a time when I’ve weighed less than my current weight. I know what it takes for me to go in either direction, but the truth is that my current weight is natural for me. Most importantly, I know that I'm healthy.
So when I sometimes hear my nasty inner critic start to judge my body when I see photos or videos of myself, I take a deep breath and smile.
I’m proud to put an image into the public eye that can act as a counter to what we normally see. Yes, it can be hard at times to compete against the slew of petite teachers who look more like the “ideal” images I see on magazine covers, but I have to remember that it’s not a competition between me and these other women. The real battle is me against the self-hate that comes as a result of seeing modern media.
So, when I look in the mirror and compliment my curvy shape, I’ve won.
When I practice yoga and smile at the strength of my thick thighs, I’ve won.
And when I get in front of the camera, wearing tight yoga clothes with nothing to hide behind, again, I’ve won.
Hopefully, sooner than later, women will be valued more for their self-worth rather than their size.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7797/thick-thighs-wide-hips-large-breasts-how-i-learned-to-love-my-museum-worthy-b.html
I can remember a time when I’ve been heavier, as well as a time when I’ve weighed less than my current weight. I know what it takes for me to go in either direction, but the truth is that my current weight is natural for me. Most importantly, I know that I'm healthy.
So when I sometimes hear my nasty inner critic start to judge my body when I see photos or videos of myself, I take a deep breath and smile.
I’m proud to put an image into the public eye that can act as a counter to what we normally see. Yes, it can be hard at times to compete against the slew of petite teachers who look more like the “ideal” images I see on magazine covers, but I have to remember that it’s not a competition between me and these other women. The real battle is me against the self-hate that comes as a result of seeing modern media.
So, when I look in the mirror and compliment my curvy shape, I’ve won.
When I practice yoga and smile at the strength of my thick thighs, I’ve won.
And when I get in front of the camera, wearing tight yoga clothes with nothing to hide behind, again, I’ve won.
Hopefully, sooner than later, women will be valued more for their self-worth rather than their size.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7797/thick-thighs-wide-hips-large-breasts-how-i-learned-to-love-my-museum-worthy-b.html
Sunday, February 17, 2013
The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion
Self-esteem
-Global judgment of self-esteem: Am I good person or a bad person?
If you hate yourself, you're going to be depressed and hate yourself, will have anxiety and psychological problems
To have high self-esteem, you have to feel special and above average
To all feel above average, we have to put ourselves up and put others down to feel better by comparison
--Epidemic of narcissism in this culture
--Epidemic of bullying by kids who are forming their sense of self-esteem to feel stronger and more powerful
--People are prejudice in order to enhance their own self-esteem by feeling their group is better
--Will only feel good about oneself when one succeeds and will feel lousy and like a failure when fails
--Women invest in their self-esteem in how attractive they are
Self-compassion not about judging ourselves kindly but about relating to ourselves kindly.
Self-compassion has three core components:
1. Treating ourselves with kindness instead of harsh self-judgment: Patience, kindness, gentleness, compassion
2. Common humanity: How am I the same as others (instead of asking how we are different). To be human means to be imperfect as people and in our lives - that is the shared human experience. When we struggle in lives, we can feel abnormal and that we shouldn't be failing. The feeling of abnormality that is so psychologically damaging.
3. Mindfulness: Being with what is in the present moment. turn toward, validate, and accept that we are suffering in order to give ourselves self-compassion.
Treat ourselves with the same kindness, care, and concern we treat our friends
Intentionally try to be more compassionate to myself - it will make an immediate difference
Self-compassion offers a lot of benefits other people don't
Making ourselves feel isolated makes things so much worse when in reality that is what connects us to others.
When we criticize ourselves, we tap into threat defense system - our bodies prepare for the fight or flight response, releasing cortisol and adrenaline.
Threat not to our actual selves, but to our perception.
We feel threatened by problem so we attack ourselves - we are attacker and attacked.
If you are a constant self-critic, you will have constantly have high levels of stress and for the body to protect itself, it will shut down and become depressed to deal with all the stress.
We can think we need to criticize ourselves to be motivated but the opposite has found to be true.
TO FEEL SAFE:
Tap into mammalian care-giving system: oxytocin and opiates
Our bodies are programmed to respond to warmth, gentle touch, and soft vocalizations
When we give ourselves compassion, we actually reduce our cortisol levels and release oxytocin and opiates
When we feel safe and comfortable, we are in our optimal state to do our best
Self-compassion strongly related to mental health, life satisfaction, connectedness with others (interpersonal relationships), better lifestyle choices
Self-compassion offers benefits of self-esteem without the pitfalls - not associated with narcissism or constant social comparison
When self-esteem deserts you, self-compassion steps in and gives you a sense of being valuable because you are a human being worthy of love in that moment - Be a friend to yourself in that moment
Practicing self-compassion will open your heart to be compassionate to others
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Why Do We Expect Something Out Of Relationships?
Why do we expect something out of relationships? Why do we tend to associate love with expectations, ideals, conditions, attachments and needs? An even better question is: What aspect of ourselves are we trying to protect and maintain through another? It all comes down to our imaginary "separate self", our ego trying to get something (ideal) for itself to compensate for a deep insecurity and lack.
Through self-observation, we will notice that behind conditions lies a belief, and behind the belief lies a fear of something, which is most likely a fear of revealing and activating the Pain Body (emotional baggage).
One of my biggest realizations was that attaching myself to someone or something is the subconscious act of "investing" my pain body in something/someone else to protect and not have to deal with it. When that person or scenario you are attached to leaves, you then blame the pain on what left for a while, until you realize that the sudden change simply threw your own pain body back at you so that you can face it, feel it and release it. Blessing in disguise.
It is more important to ask ourselves WHY we expect, want and need, instead of trying to apply the philosophy of "letting go of expectations, wants and needs" without LOOKING deeply within. This allows us to release, but most importantly ACKNOWLEDGE the unresolved fears/pain body within us, which is the first step to moving beyond them (It can seem scary but it is a beautiful freeing process).
Long story short; as we face our fears and release all inner-constrictions, a new and infinitely lighter dimension of consciousness aligns with our being, one in which Love is simply to be enjoyed with the knowing that it IS who we already are. Imagine pure love without fear, without making it into "a big deal". Imagine living life in a state of openness, without fearing future outcomes or referring to the past. Imagine living in the Now. This is our natural state ♥
Through self-observation, we will notice that behind conditions lies a belief, and behind the belief lies a fear of something, which is most likely a fear of revealing and activating the Pain Body (emotional baggage).
One of my biggest realizations was that attaching myself to someone or something is the subconscious act of "investing" my pain body in something/someone else to protect and not have to deal with it. When that person or scenario you are attached to leaves, you then blame the pain on what left for a while, until you realize that the sudden change simply threw your own pain body back at you so that you can face it, feel it and release it. Blessing in disguise.
It is more important to ask ourselves WHY we expect, want and need, instead of trying to apply the philosophy of "letting go of expectations, wants and needs" without LOOKING deeply within. This allows us to release, but most importantly ACKNOWLEDGE the unresolved fears/pain body within us, which is the first step to moving beyond them (It can seem scary but it is a beautiful freeing process).
Long story short; as we face our fears and release all inner-constrictions, a new and infinitely lighter dimension of consciousness aligns with our being, one in which Love is simply to be enjoyed with the knowing that it IS who we already are. Imagine pure love without fear, without making it into "a big deal". Imagine living life in a state of openness, without fearing future outcomes or referring to the past. Imagine living in the Now. This is our natural state ♥
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I’ll Be Happy When…
The ultimate source of happiness lies in the quality of your thoughts. Our thoughts are our most intimate relationship and will impact our lives far more than our relationships with others. In fact, our relations with others are, to an extent, but a reflection of the quality of our own thoughts.
What we seek “out there” is but the icing on the cake. Genuine and sustainable happiness is derived from a healthy and nurturing relationship with yourself. Nothing and no one can take that away from you. Devote your attention to your authentic well being and happiness will emerge.
Happiness comes from being present in the moment and feeling a sense of harmony and contentment not in a conditional way that something else has to happen. Just living and enjoying the present.
http://blog.melschwartz.com/2012/02/09/ill-be-happy-when/#more-487
What we seek “out there” is but the icing on the cake. Genuine and sustainable happiness is derived from a healthy and nurturing relationship with yourself. Nothing and no one can take that away from you. Devote your attention to your authentic well being and happiness will emerge.
Happiness comes from being present in the moment and feeling a sense of harmony and contentment not in a conditional way that something else has to happen. Just living and enjoying the present.
http://blog.melschwartz.com/2012/02/09/ill-be-happy-when/#more-487
spot-on. my self-esteem
How high is your self-esteem?
You have scored 61.
What your scoring means
You have quite good self-esteem on the whole. But you sometimes fail to believe in yourself enough. Remember you are a special and unique person. Many people with your score feel confident in what they do for a living and get a lot of affirmation from that. It's important however, to feel good about who you are, not just about what you do. Have a think about this.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/selfesteem.php?postBack=true&radiobutton1=3&radiobutton2=3&radiobutton3=3&radiobutton4=3&radiobutton5=4&radiobutton6=2&radiobutton7=4&radiobutton8=3&radiobutton9=2&radiobutton10=2&radiobutton11=4&radiobutton12=4&radiobutton13=4&radiobutton14=2&radiobutton15=2&radiobutton16=3&radiobutton17=3&radiobutton18=4&radiobutton19=4&radiobutton20=2
You have scored 61.
What your scoring means
You have quite good self-esteem on the whole. But you sometimes fail to believe in yourself enough. Remember you are a special and unique person. Many people with your score feel confident in what they do for a living and get a lot of affirmation from that. It's important however, to feel good about who you are, not just about what you do. Have a think about this.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/selfesteem.php?postBack=true&radiobutton1=3&radiobutton2=3&radiobutton3=3&radiobutton4=3&radiobutton5=4&radiobutton6=2&radiobutton7=4&radiobutton8=3&radiobutton9=2&radiobutton10=2&radiobutton11=4&radiobutton12=4&radiobutton13=4&radiobutton14=2&radiobutton15=2&radiobutton16=3&radiobutton17=3&radiobutton18=4&radiobutton19=4&radiobutton20=2
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Identify triggers to low self-esteem. We personalize stressful events (e.g., criticism) by inferring a negative meaning about ourselves. A self-defeating action often follows. Each event can, instead, be a chance to learn about ourselves, if we face our fear of doing so and the negative beliefs about ourselves that sustain the negative meanings.
Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. You can begin to interfere with these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress management techniques. These techniques are directed at self-soothing the arousal. This allows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self-esteem.
Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . . . ” Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it. The result is to slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond.
Choose response. Hold self-defeating impulses. Act in a self-caring and effective way. By choosing to act in a more functional way, we take a step toward facing our fears.
Accept impulse. Be able to state the benefit (e.g., protection) of overreaction. We won’t be able to do this at first, but as we become more effective, we will begin to appreciate what our self-defeating impulse had been doing for us.
Develop skills. We can provide for our own safety, engender hope, tolerate confusion, and raise self-esteem by learning and using these essential life skills:
--Experience feelings. “Feel” feelings in your body and identify your needs. When we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.
--Optional thinking. End either/or thinking. Think in “shades of gray” and learn to reframe meanings. By giving ourselves options, we open ourselves to new possibilities about how to think about our dilemmas.
--Detachment. End all abuse; say “no” to misrepresentations and assumptions. By maintaining personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by others and assert our separateness.
--Assertion. Voice what you see, feel, and want by making “I” statements. By expressing our thoughts, feelings, and desires in a direct and honest manner, we show that we are in charge of our lives.
--Receptivity. End self-absorption; listen to others’ words and meanings to restate them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as empathize with the needs of others.
Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. You can begin to interfere with these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress management techniques. These techniques are directed at self-soothing the arousal. This allows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self-esteem.
Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . . . ” Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it. The result is to slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond.
Choose response. Hold self-defeating impulses. Act in a self-caring and effective way. By choosing to act in a more functional way, we take a step toward facing our fears.
Accept impulse. Be able to state the benefit (e.g., protection) of overreaction. We won’t be able to do this at first, but as we become more effective, we will begin to appreciate what our self-defeating impulse had been doing for us.
Develop skills. We can provide for our own safety, engender hope, tolerate confusion, and raise self-esteem by learning and using these essential life skills:
--Experience feelings. “Feel” feelings in your body and identify your needs. When we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.
--Optional thinking. End either/or thinking. Think in “shades of gray” and learn to reframe meanings. By giving ourselves options, we open ourselves to new possibilities about how to think about our dilemmas.
--Detachment. End all abuse; say “no” to misrepresentations and assumptions. By maintaining personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by others and assert our separateness.
--Assertion. Voice what you see, feel, and want by making “I” statements. By expressing our thoughts, feelings, and desires in a direct and honest manner, we show that we are in charge of our lives.
--Receptivity. End self-absorption; listen to others’ words and meanings to restate them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as empathize with the needs of others.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET TODAY ABOUT...
Being an introvert. I thought I was an extrovert, but once I got out of a house living with friends (after three years). After cutting down from social outings and involvements, and after spending so much time with myself, I realized what brought me joy. I realized who I am. And though no one is 100% one or the other, I am certainly more of an introvert- with social skills. I love spending time alone. I love being with myself. I love reflecting. I love being away from social distortions of my true self. I love building myself up and being true to myself. And though I am now still in the strengthening process, I enjoy hanging out with selective friends who make me want to be better; who support me in who I am; who make me feel great; and whom I have an equal exchange of friendship with. I am happy alone. I am happy with friends so close who do not pull me from myself, but who are such a part of me so that when I'm with them, we are with ourselves at the same time. I am learning to embrace all the parts of me. Currently, the part that is introverted- that is true to my personality.
Embracing and loving myself
Embracing and loving myself
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