"God's plan for your life
is not something you develop,
it's something you discover."

Love.Healing.Hope.

my friend

Change only comes with demand
Hope, tension, resistance and struggle are key

Steve Honeyman

How often have you found changing something in your life to be difficult or impossible?
And before you can even want personal change, there must be some level of admission
that you are responsible for your present reality. You then need to have hope for something
better and be willing to demand change in yourself. To accept that tension and resistance and
struggle are essential components of change.

I experienced all of these stages when I stopped smoking some 13 years ago or in my never-
ending battle to live a healthier life, and still have fun. These stages of change are true for our
personal lives and also true in communities and our country and the world. It is all a part of the
physical laws of the universe. You try to move a heavy object and you feel the resistance in your
body. You try to change a way of doing or being in your life and you feel resistance, sometimes
in the form of fear, in your head and your heart. You try to change government to care about
children or treat people with disabilities with support and respect and you encounter resistance.

The key is an understanding, an appreciation of power in your personal life as well as in the
public and private sectors of our communities. Frederick Douglass, Abolitionist and Leader,
says it best..

“Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did and it never will…The limits of tyrants
are prescribed by the endurance of those who they oppress.” In our personal lives, we are
often our own tyrants. In our communities, the tyrants can be government or business
or those who promote only ego or greed.

In a recent campaign for early childhood education in Philadelphia, the resistance came in
the form of a claim that there were no resources available. The Philadelphia School District
chose to save money on the backs of our youngest children. The resistance came from city
government recognizing the importance of quality, early childhood education and but not being
willing to put their actions behind their words. The resistance came from the egos of those who
were more worried about who would get credit. But, once the community group promoting this
change made their demands known, the process of shifting power began. It was not easy; it never
is. People wanted to give up. At first, city government said no. But, as the demand grew, change
was on the horizon.

And so it is in fighting for better housing, in pushing for immigration reform, in trying to win
more resources for public education, in making sure we eliminate hunger, in really bridging the
digital divide. Past, present and future struggles always, are one in the same. Again, Frederick
Douglass is most eloquent…

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate
agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder
and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a
moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a
struggle.”

Struggle for personal change and public change begins with hope and demand.

more perfection for me.

For security: Seek self-assurance
Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: "Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?" At the same time you can focus on the thought: "Okay, nothing in this life is certain and I can live with that. And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it." We all need to go with the flow in relationships. What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is.

Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay."

<333 link

Focus on the good
Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what's not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.

Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive.

No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focusing on what is good.

This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you.

Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.

A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways. If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response. However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious.

But possibly not as precious as the knowledge that whatever happens, you can relax because you'll be okay.

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

"Fear is faith that it won't work out."
~Sister Mary Tricky

What the mind can conceive and believe you CAN achieve!

It always ends up alright, sometimes you just have to get up the hill and through the fire to victoriously conquer. Life is full of UPS and DOWNS. It always gets better. With love, it always is FINE.