"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

- Psalm 143:8-10 -

“If I’m performing sacrifices on a particular day, I’m more likely to report feeling more committed to my partner, but the thing is, that positive effect really depends on what the rest of my day was like. So if I was doing sacrifices on a day when I felt really stressed out or had a lot of hassling experiences, then that beneficial effect no longer holds.”

Bottom line: It’s really important for both people in a relationship to try to reduce daily hassles. Sacrifices are good and help us feel more committed on days when we’re feeling relatively hassle-free. On days where we’ve had a lot of hassles, however, the small sacrifices we have to make can become construed as an additional hassle that can lead to resentment.

http://spr.sagepub.com/content/suppl/2013/04/25/0265407512472475.DC1/Relationship_Matters_Podcast_Number_22.mp3

“When you look around at the six people that you spend the most time with, that’s who you are. I think that in making those decisions in who you are going to be married to, who your friends are going to be, those are really huge, critical, life decisions. Who gets to talk to you everyday, is almost like the food that you eat. It is a very huge critical situation to choose who the people are that you are spending your life with, spending your time with and who you are choosing to give your love and everything to.”

http://rollingout.com/entertainment/will-smith-explains-his-love-for-jada-marriage-cannot-be-a-prison/

reflect on

"You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship."

How to keep a relationship happy over the years

So... people are always asking me how it's possible that Mr. Smith and I are still so happy after being together for nearly 16 years. Well, have a watch through this short vid I made for Feminine Force Entrepreneur where I spill some secrets!!

http://daphnecohn.com/femforcemag/v01n06?inf_contact_key=ce275dc805dd06f5dbf27c337f8a10abfee966ffb1860258c9a2c7865c60aa0f#

Toxic Relationship

1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.

The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time. You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging.

2. Everything is about them and never about you.

You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word.

3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.

Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness.

4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.

You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.

5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.

Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now.

If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you.

Embrace the answers that come from your intuition, as it wants the best for you—and this relationship might not be it.

Take deliberate action according to your gut feeling. You won’t be sorry.

Maybe you choose to talk about your feelings with the other person, or you decide to put more space between the two of you.

It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Taking any action is the best medicine.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship/

What I want.

If you will energize me, support me, and push me forward in my causes. If you will love life with me and join me in supporting my passions. If I can come home to you and feel rejuvenated. If you don't exhaust my energy but instead fill me up. If you don't deprive me but fulfill me. If you don't take away my energy but instead fill me with every. If you make me HAPPY and shower me with INTIMACY.

that is what I want. and that is how I will know if you are who I want.

It takes a strong woman to handle a broken man.

Would You Like to Be the Partner I Want You to Be?

Releasing the need to defend yourself – and subsequently abdicating the silliness of right or wrong – really enables a more reflective consideration of the changes being requested, or perhaps demanded, by your partner. If the modification sought would assist in your personal growth, then you should embrace it. It’s a win-win. You’ll grow and perhaps improve the energy of your relationship. While it’s disappointing if this doesn’t happen, you’ve still at least moved forward in your self-actualization. To that extent, you are removing yourself from being the problem. Should you find yourself in this position, you may discover that the old battle masked deeper underlying issues that may now arise.

The conflict over change, although often substantive, is at times simply a safe, if not frustrating, way to express hostility. You might ask your partner or spouse, “If I make the changes you’re asking for, will you feel the way you’d like to feel about me?” This question may reveal whether there are deeper issues – usually emotional – that need to break through and enter the discussion.
Much of our defensiveness surrounding others’ impositions that we change has to do with our own sense of self and identity. “There’s nothing wrong with me” is a revealing statement, in that it demonstrates an insecure and fragile ego. It’s not a question of whether there’s something wrong with you as much as it’s about whether you’re seeking to evolve further and please your partner – provided that you’re not acting from fear or inauthenticity. There is a direct correlation between one’s openness to change and their self-esteem. If your self-worth feels tentative, you’re more likely to defend against change. On a differing note, though, people should never simply succumb to the demands of others if they are coming from an angry or controlling energy.

Relationship success requires quieting your defensiveness and developing a resilience founded upon the healthy spirit of a co-operative alliance. If you try to be the best you can be for the other, and remain genuine and true to your own growth, you can accurately say you are doing everything you can to make your relationship prosper.

http://blog.melschwartz.com/2012/03/16/is-our-society-manufacturing-depressed-people/#more-506

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy can be expressed in verbal and non-verbal communication. The degree of comfort, effectiveness and mutual experience of closeness might indicate emotional intimacy between individuals. Intimate communication is both expressed (e.g. talking) and implied (e.g. friends sitting close on a park bench in silence). Emotional intimacy depends primarily on trust, as well as the nature of the relationship and the culture in which it is observed. Depending on the background and conventions of the participants, emotional intimacy might involve disclosing thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to reach an understanding, offer mutual support or build a sense of community. Or it might involve sharing a duty, without commentary.

Most people never take the time to get clear on exactly what will be fulfilling for them and so they keep attracting the same people and situations into their lives.

You can change all that.

We’ll work together to clean up what’s not working logistically and in your belief system so you can bring to you what will serve, empower and pleasure you.

http://kimanami.com/1on1-with-kim/

The longing for someone to catch me when I fall.

"A relationship's a mirror."

Overhearing conversation...things I need to hear

Make the best of the EXPERIENCE, even if it is challenging...

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may it be WORTH IT

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think about QUALITY


quality.quality.quality.


that is the word I've been missing, the reality I've been chasing and not finding, and the gift I've been GIVING...

that is what I need to receive, so that I have my own relationship equity..






quality.

- Feng shui your life. Clear out what’s not working and make room for what does. Finish projects that have lingering in the ethers for too long.
- Revitalize your relationships. Where have you checked out? Wake up.
- If you haven’t already found it, develop your life purpose. We all have gifts. The most satisfying lives allow us to give them.
- Expand your powers of attraction and creation. Become more conscious of how you effect your environment. We’ll work together with meditation and other practices to cement your role as the creator of your reality

Clean up your life, clarify what you really want in a partner and attract that into your space.

http://kimanami.com/1on1-with-kim/life

There are few things in life more rewarding than finding someone you love, who loves you, who knows you and over the years, through all the difficult life experiences, is your ally and your friend and your sounding board and your lover. Those kind of relationships are hard to find.

Be you. Don't try to be anyone else.

Also, live your life with pleasure and do what you love and what is important to you. Work hard, play hard, don't be waiting for someone to complete you. Complete yourself.

A great marriage is really a dream for most. It takes honesty -- knowing and presenting who you really are. It isn't for everyone; it takes effort and a great deal of compromise and patience.

Dreams are for when you are asleep. Life is what happens when you are awake. It's never what you expect. Enjoy it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robin-amos-kahn/a-husband-a-house-a-mortg_b_1822619.html

Chemistry Doesn't Equal a Healthy Relationship

How “hot,” funny, charming, nice or sexy someone is doesn’t mean they have the capacity to provide you a safe space that promotes growth, where you can feel supported, heard, and beautiful / invincible.

If you want your relationship to move forward (be healthy), both people need to know how to work together, be in sync. And this has nothing to do with how attracted you are to that person. But it does have everything to do with how that attraction will fade. Rowing in sync requires tools. This includes the ability to practice active listening, transparency, metacognition, and vulnerability. They must know how to fight fair and try to understand before being understood. If you want to discover all the wonders of the sea, make sure he / she has tools.