Embracing Pain: Life’s Gifts Often Come Wrapped in Sandpaper

“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.”

On my personal journey—and there are surely others who walk a similar path—life at times sweeps me up in a wave of utter brokenness, and washes me onto new shores of beautiful transformation, grounded wisdom, and unconditional love.

There is a longstanding slogan in Alcoholics Anonymous that pain is the touch point of all spiritual progress.

Somehow our moments of deep despair and gut-wrenching desperation serve as evolutionary portals to a higher level of grace and resolve. The breakdown itself is the gateway to the breakthrough.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not go chasing after anguish like an adrenaline junkie with a death wish. Just because turmoil shows up as an unexpected guest at my front door that doesn’t mean I graciously invite it in for tea and cookies.

I avoid pain—internal and external—whenever possible. I’ve given birth to two beautiful children and both times I asked for the labor-numbing drugs. If I so much as stub my toe on the bedside table or get into an spat with my husband, I reach for my favorite quilt and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for comfort.

I have heard there are two types of pain in the world—welcomed and unwelcomed.

Suffering is defined as unwelcomed pain. I am beginning to understand that, like enduring labor, the more I am able to stop resisting pain’s vice-like grip and breathe through the ark—noticing its build, peak, and subsiding—the less of a hold it has on me.

Just like birthing my babies, on the other side of the pain is the promise. Some of life’s greatest gifts come wrapped in sandpaper.

Here are a few of the treasured insights I have received on the other side life’s tribulations. I hope they renew your strength, affirm that you are not alone, and shed a hopeful light on your dark moments.

Pain strengthens you.

In order to build a muscle we lift the weight. But first there is a breaking and bleeding of the capillaries. The healing of the wound is what develops the muscle; injury precedes strength.

Pain refines you.

It takes pressure to make a diamond and fire to purify gold. Nothing cleanses the soul like a good cry. Tears wash away the impurities of fear and attachment and clear the channels for love to freely flow.

Pain lightens the load.

Growing up my mother would often say, “When you are down to nothing, life is up to something.”

Navigating painful moments can feel like squeezing yourself through a tight corridor. There is no room for excess baggage. At the peak of agony I have learned to let go of the “stuff” in my hands—my stories, my fears, my judgments—in order to hold on for dear life.

Pain qualifies you.

Nothing qualifies a person to step up to a big vision for their life like pain. When I count the cost of the rejection and disappointments endured on the journey to living my dreams, it creates a worthiness and grounded resolve that my toughest critics cannot chip away.

Pain connects you.

One tragedy unites people in a far deeper way than a thousand moments of laughter. Falling apart independently and collectively healing has launched powerful, life-changing movements like Mothers Against Drunk Driving (M.A.D.D.). Pain becomes purpose when it is shared.

Like the peaks and falls on a heart monitor, the valley low moments are just as much a confirmation of life as the mountain highs. Lean into pain’s sting. Allow yourself to be placed on its potter’s wheel and transformed into all you can ever hope to be and more.

Remember, life is never happening to you, it is always happening for you. Always.

deep person

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

Psalms 1:1-3

Deep people meditate on what matters most

Deep people know what matters to them. Underneath their job or their friendships or their hobbies lie their values – the things that are most important to them.

Deep people don’t just arrive at these values willy nilly. They don’t simply regurgitate what their parents or their professor or their pastor or some author says, although they do consider their advice.

Deep people earnestly try to understand how the world works, and carefully consider how they orient live their lives in light of that reality.

Deep people are clear on their non-negotiables. They plant themselves next to the water rather than moving with the current. They train themselves to filter decisions and actions through their values. They earn respect and a reputation for integrity because their decisions are consistent.

Deep people are not distracted

Deep people know what they’re trying to do. They don’t let the opinions of others get to them. Their values, and not the changing whims of the crowd, dictate their goals and their steps.

Deep people take council, but are picky about who they listen to. They recognize that the world is full of people who will, with the best of intentions, suggest courses of action that will steer them from their goals and undermine their values.

Deep people ignore scoffers. They know that if they’re doing something worthwhile they will get ridiculed and insulted. They realize that just because someone is loud doesn’t mean they are right.

Deep people understand that life isn’t usually about deciding between good things and bad things, but between good things and best things.

Deep people cultivate strong roots

Deep people cultivate roots that serve them in good times and bad. When success comes their way, they remain grounded and humble. They know that their success is the result of hard work, and are proud of their achievements. But they don’t cling to them – they recognize that their achievements are not who they are, and they aren’t a substitute for their character.

Deep people also know that when adversity comes, they won’t be shaken. Their roots go deep and keep them from being tossed this way and that. Even though the world around them may be crumbling, they have an underground reservoir of strength to draw from.

Deep people communicate confidence and maturity because they can handle problems. They don’t pout or rationalize or give up when things don’t go their way.

Deep people are able to share in other people’s burdens. When friends and loved ones with shallow roots encounter suffering or trouble, deep people are able to provide wise council. They know the right word to say at the right time, know when to admonish and when to build up.

Deep people understand that life has seasons

Deep people recognize that they won’t always be “yielding fruit”. They have seasons in their lives. Daily seasons, weekly seasons, monthly seasons, annual seasons.

Deep people have learned how to deliberately order their lives in a way that recognizes their seasons. They know when to engage in activity and when to rest. They know when they can be available to others and when they should be alone. (Now is the season I am being alone). They are fully present at work but understand when it’s time to put work down.

Are you deep?

Deep people certainly embody more than these traits, but they do not embody less.

Let us resolve to become deep people. People rooted in our values, who live lives consistent with what we believe. People who remain grounded and peaceful in good times and bad. People who can be counted on for advice, encouragement or wisdom.

To be people whose leaves does not wither.

http://www.sean-johnson.com/2011/08/30/how-to-become-a-deep-person/

Grounded

Here are some very important things to help keep you grounded:

1. Get all of the rest you need every night. Nourishing your body, mind and soul with blissful hours of sleep can do a world a wonders. You think better, have more energy and can get good things done.

2. Clear your work space so that positive and new energy can flow through and around you. Spend a few minutes each day to keep it clean (or creatively organized).

3. Disconnect for an hour or two every day. Go outside, sit in the sun, take a deep breath and a good look around you. Meditate. Be in the moment.

4. Spend quality time with family and friends. Make a connection with someone, listen to their story. Laugh. There is nothing like a good laugh to bring you back to earth.

5. Re-evaluate when needed. Sometimes sticking to the plan or schedule is not the right thing to do. Step away when needed, come back with fresh eyes and see what needs to stay or go. Some of those really great ideas need time to ripen. Set them aside. The really good ones will be waiting for you.

6. Practice gratitude for all that you have. Be thankful for the good and even the bad (usually there is a valuable lesson). Do this daily!

7. Be super kind to yourself. Nurture your heart, your soul, your body. Eat nutrients rich foods with occasional treats –chew mindfully. Read good books, listen to good music, pamper yourself and give yourself a few compliments every day.

http://yourheartmakesadifference.com/2012/03/a-world-of-possibility-and-staying-grounded-by-regina-lord/