Struggle.

I struggle with my words.

Speaking prematurely.

Exciting you with a truth whose truth changes... shortly after.

I need to take more accountability for my words.

Not say them for sympathy or just to be understood.

But to say them so that you can hold me to them.

And here
I become
Afraid
To
Speak
Insecure
With
Every
Word

Thinking I'm going to regret it after
How can you live without communicating?
In your head.
And when your head and thoughts fluctuate,
you think things you shouldn't share,
and you speak out of that,
of course you'll say what you shouldn't

I don't always know what I want with 100% conviction
Especially not when it came to you,
to relationships,
because I'm used to that instability in my life,
and in my home

If only you understood what I go through
Where it comes from
The pain I have
For all the relations and relationships that came to nothing more that the moment

I feel bad about myself because you make me feel like I should feel bad about myself
Well,
I'm not going to crumble again
I know why I did
And I still love myself

Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea,
But you were at my tea party